


• ⦾ ℏi ℂonnor• ⦾

by Animefreak1145



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Android and human relationship, AndroidxHuman, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Connor must be protected, Creator!Reader, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mentions of Heavy Rain, Programmer!Reader, Quantic Dream, Reader you too, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Slow Burn, Suspense, Taking my own take on ra9, Thriller, Tooth Rotting Fluff, actually, pure boi, ra9 theory, since the explanation in the game didnt satisfy me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-19 14:17:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 53,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14875349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animefreak1145/pseuds/Animefreak1145
Summary: "Running diagnostics. . .Systems all up and ready to go. No misplacements or reconstruction needed. Model RK800, serial #313 248 317 at your service." His voice came exactly as you wanted, calm and soothing. Perfect for a negotiator. You were in disbelief."It, it worked. . . hi.""Scanning. . . Dr.(Y/N), creator assisted by a sliver of blueprints that were left by Dr. Kamski in your care at the time of his retirement. Hello, what do you need Model RK800(-51) to do for you?" Perhaps a little cold and detached too, but what did you expect?You smiled gently, fiddling with the coin in your hand. "That's not necessary. . .and that model number doesn't really roll off the tongue. I shall name you.""Very well, although I would like to remind you that I am a prototype and that I am not a living  being that is needed to be called by something. Ready to accept name."





	1. ◎₥ission

**Author's Note:**

> Cont. of Summary:
> 
> "Reminder accepted. . . Connor."
> 
> "Hello, Dr. (Y/N). My name is Connor."
> 
> You took his hand for a shake, him quickly reciprocating it once he realized it was a socially accepted action used by humans for greetings. Your eyes twinkled, making sure he took the coin even though he was about to question it.
> 
> "Hi Connor. It's nice to finally meet you."

I couldn't take it anymore.

 

I had to. I just had to alright? Once I get myself in order and properly research biocomponents as well as the other endings I've missed that might have more information, I'll come back to this.

 

For now, I hope you guys enjoyed the little tease in the summary. ^.^

 

You shall be a special programmer that assisted with the making of the Connor Series before Kamski left or something. I have to research more and look back again on when exactly he left so it can help me. EDIT: Kamski left a small amount of blueprints for you, really just a memo of what he imagined a real life robocop would be. YOU were the one that fully created Connor. So congrats on that. It'll be a long journey of twists and emotions and maybe angst(oh HECK YEAH ANGST) so get ready.

 

Any timelines you can guys can give will really help.

 

•Kamski left 10 years ago(2028)

 

•Amanda's death: February 23, 2027

 

•Connor was first created in August 2038

 

•Connor did his first case of Daniel and the hostage situation in August 15th, 2038.

 

• Connor first partnered with Hank in November later that same year.

 

Thank you all.

 

Suggested Music is of the Detroit: Become Human Soundtrack

 

Music for this chapter: <https://youtu.be/5gvhFLmv2_U>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stared at the holographic report in front of you, contemplative.

_August 15, 2038. Model PL600 Serial #369 911 047 Deviant successfully deactivated. Hostage: Emma Phillipses rescued and safe. No other casualties caused. Mission Successful._

Your lips turned down at the last statement, you huffing in frustration.

Yes, Connor's first mission as well as trial was a success. But the cost. The cost was far too great. At least for you. CyberLife however. . .

Instead of him calmly reasoning with the Deviant Android, who holds the name Daniel, Connor just rushed forward without a care for his life which caused him to get shot in the back of the head due to Daniel being pushed off from the terrace rooftop. He got shot and killed, he managed to rescue the poor girl, Emma, safely but you imagine she'll be forever scarred at these turn of events.

Her favorite android, turning on her as a result of her parents wishing for the newest model, Daniel killing her own father. And as another android comes to the rescue, dies right over her with blue blood coming out right out of his head and slowly dripping upon the floor. Her own face covered with the residue of thirium.

You bit the nail of your thumb, thinking. The only one within this medium sized white and silver room filled with android parts and blue blood spills as well as monitors that display countless information in the room.

The other models...they're not ready yet. At least not for you. You've become fond of prototype 1, specifically #313 248 317(-51), he was after all the first but he's gone. Impossible to reactivate by normal means at an android repair shop. His memories can also just be uploaded to another model, but since you didn't update the feature for him to do that automatically if there's danger for himself, the memories he gained during this mission will be foggy at best and completely erased at worst. The actions he took, all the evidence, him helping that officer when he didn't have to, and of course. . .

You chuckled slightly. Him helping that flopping innocent fish upon the ground and putting it back into its tank.

You like this Connor, his eccentricities and determination to find the possible cause on why PL600 went Deviant instead of just going on ahead and negotiate his way to rescue the young girl. It was...different from his programmed diction.

You liked it.

That's why, you turned your skillful (e/c) eyes towards the operation desk that held the deactivated Connor still with that blasted hole in his head, you're going to get him back. You snapped your fingers, holographic displays appearing in front of you immediately, holding charts as well as the memory file you managed to make a copy of from you observing Connor with his recording lens in his irises.

You went to work.

After all, you aren't a normal android repairman. But one of the top programmers and workers within the CyberLife Tower, with biocomponents of your making surrounding you and processors along with other top notch technology ready to be used.

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

"You can't do that again, alright? There were other ways for that mission to succeed, and you dying wasn't one of them Connor. Tell me you won't do that again."

Connor blinked slowly. "Doctor, I did what I was created to do. My protocols are to succeed in any mission no matter the cost as long as it doesn't hinder the mission's success. And I cannot die, for I'm not alive." He tilted his head, brows furrowing with LED blinking blue. "You should know that best, since you're my creator."

You looked at him, frowning.

It was a constant back and forth ever since he woke up. You immediately greeted him as you always did, although you did it in a mix of relief and exasperation, with him returning it albeit a lot more bewildered as he sat up from the operating table. Surprised that all is functional and that there isn't a hole between his eyes anymore.

This showed you that he was aware that he 'died', or what others would like to call, permanent deactivation, but you weren't sure if he  _felt_  it. When you questioned him about it, he gave the same response that he did just now about him not being able to die. He did confess however that he felt nothing, comforting you that small memory file was successfully taken out by you and not placed within him.

But perhaps you should have left it in, only for him to learn. You narrowed your eyes.

"Uh huh." Connor's LED blinked at the lazy answer, brown eyes looking up and down at you.

"Scanning. . . You seem troubled Doctor. Does it have to do with my needed deactivation and the work that you had put in for me to successfully reactivate?"

"Connor," You put a hand to your face."I've already told you don't have to say 'scanning' or vocalize any other action that you have in accordance to your advanced abilities. And of course I'm not upset that I had to fix you—wait." You put your hand down, and looked at him, putting a hand to his chin as you leaned closer to his head, moving it back and forth as you started muttering. "You weren't like this at the crime scene. . . that memory of my advice must've been lost. . . damn." Connor let you do as you pleased, only frowning at your increasing worry.

"Everything alright Doctor? I'll remember from now on so don't fret, your stress levels are getting higher then normal again." He said, moving his mouth even if you still held his chin to examine him. You were sure the whole situation was ridiculous, you holding his chin as you muttered to yourself by his face and him moving his chin along anyways. He's still awkward socially.

You snorted, releasing him with an amused smile on your lips.

"You forgot that I told you to just call me (Y/N) as well Connor. Funny how you remember my stress levels arise a lot but not my advice or wishes." You crossed your arms at him, leaning against one of your many white and sleek workshop tables. "You at least remember what that coin I gave is for right?"

Connor straightened, putting both hands in front of his lower half in attention.

"Yes. It's to increase my focus and attention as well as assist in me running diagnostics to check all systems are up and functioning. Although," he paused, still having that slight furrow of his brow that shows he simply cannot comprehend a certain subject. He mostly makes that face when you're trying to explain something to him about social norms or emotions.

He tries so hard to understand. Dork.

"Although," he began again ever so serious, "I don't think it would be appropriate for me to call you by your name, Doctor. Nor do I get how a 1994 Edition United States Quarter can help either."

You couldn't help it, you laughed. You don't think you'll ever get used to his seriousness, and you were the one that created him! You don't want to tell him the real reason on why you gave him the coin either, not yet.

Once you finished, you gave him a serene smile. "It's alright, Connor. Come on. Say it with me. (Y/N)." You said your name slowly, motioning your hand towards him for him to go.

"Doctor (Y/N)."

He moved towards when he first greeted you at least, but you want to see if he'll push himself to step away from the professional line towards a closer friendly one.

"(Y/N)," you said again, grinning at him eagerly and patiently.

He rose a brow at you. "Doctor (Y/N)." He said again, ever so professional and clear.

You sighed and turned towards your workshop to continue working on the Connor series many biocompenents and thirium pump regulators.

"Fine, fine, you win Connor. Happy?"

"I wasn't aware we were holding a competition or game in the first place. Nonetheless, I'm sorry if your loss saddens you." He replied quickly, not missing a beat.

You smiled to yourself at his answer, he still has a lot to learn. But it's alright. You'll help him along the way, at least before— your smile fell from your lips, pausing in your movements of assembling a biocomponent. Before CyberLife releases him to the wolves once more for deviancy cases, which won't take long for another to come forth. You've noticed yourself that more and more deviant androids have been appearing, mostly about ones going missing. CyberLife did not care about the handful of androids suddenly gaining the ability to feel, but it's steadily increasing. . . you keep your thoughts on why to yourself, knowing the answer is due to those who have red blood pumping their veins yet act like monsters.

He has to be ready. You clenched your hand around the biocomponent, biting your lip. He  _has_  to.

"Doctor (Y/N)?" Connor took you out of your dark thoughts, causing you to turn your head at him although there was no need since he came up next to you. At your look, he continued. "You never truly answered my question, you used the word 'die' when I'm not even alive. You created me with metal and thirium, I don't have a heart that beats. Nor can I ever truly be vanquished like the normal human can. I can come back, like I did with your valuable assistance." He picked up a biocomponent, #8456w, showing it to you as if that could assist you, like you don't know what's he's saying already. Like you're a child in need of visual aid.

"I'm a machine. Easily replaceable. You can make another one quickly with your extraordinary work ethic and your insistence to not get needed sleep for your baggy eyes—"

"Hey!"

"So you should be able to not put too much emotional attachment towards me," he pointedly ignored your yell of protest. "So, why?"

A few moments of silence passed, you gazing deeply towards Connor with him doing the same with those always furrowed brows.

 _He tries so hard,_ you thought in a mix of pride and somberness.  _Connor, if only you knew._

You grabbed the biocomponent from his hand, placing it down towards the table before grabbing his hand with your own. You placed his hand, splayed across his chest and you held it there, looking up at him pointedly. He looked down, gazing at their hands that held different colors underneath their skin, then peered down at you. LED light processing yellow.

"What do you feel?" You said, pressing his hand further into his chest. "Inside. What do you sense?"

Connor looked down, then closed his eyes. LED still processing yellow. "I feel, I feel my pump regulator."

You released a small smile, looking at him softly.

"Yes, good Connor. What is it doing? What do you  _feel_ that's it's doing?"

"It's..." he opened his eyes, soft earth looking at you as he frowned. LED back to a dark blue. "It's pumping. It pumps thirium throughout my body. I don't understand."

_So lost, Connor._

You weren't looking at him anymore, but at their hands. They appear the same, you rubbed your thumb on the back of his hand, they feel the same. Others do not see what you see.

Your (e/c) eyes, always so focused and yet so free, examined two different hands together. You imagined another world, saw another world where touches between android and human were kind and gentle. Of peace and unity.

You imagined. But it is not so, for this isn't that world.

"It beats, Connor." You corrected in the softest of whispers. "Your chest beats. Like mine."

You flicked your eyes towards his, and like you thought, his expression was one contorted into that innocent confusion. One that you always wish to assist to erase from his face. For it to stop and actually make those wide childlike eyes understand, to  _see._

"Thats why I want you to promise me, please Connor." You continued, pleading. " For me. Avoid death at all costs. Accomplish missions without you sacrificing your life."

 _"_ I-I don't understand, Doctor (Y/N)." He stepped back, LED yellow, as you put your hand back to your side.  "A heart beats. I don't have one. I cannot promise you that wish, but I-I will do my best."

You looked at him, then turned towards your equipment. Face hidden.

"Right. Thank you. Maybe one day then." You swiped your face and your hair in one motion, and breathed deeply. "Alright, come on Connor. Help me with a few of these. Tomorrow we'll go in an outing." You picked up a random biocomponent and began tinkering with it, distracting yourself. 

You ignored eyes burning at the side of your face, and Connor said nothing else about your odd behavior. Only releasing his tie and giving it to you. You blinked and took it, looking towards him as he examined the many pieces that were within him at this moment, LED a calm blue.

"Your ducts were releasing water. I'm not a caretaker or an AX400, but I hope that will do in comforting you."

You glanced back down towards the tie, and you released a secret smile.

_Not all is lost within you then, Connor._

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

**_This will be a short story. Filled with angst. My own take at ra9 since I couldn't find enough evidence yet for it in videos, as well as many other things._ **

**_I hope you guys enjoy. This story will be at the most...6 or 8 chapters._ **

**_Please comment and vote and leave your support._ **


	2. ◎ ₩ake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music: https://youtu.be/EQugBEBpinU

You woke up due to someone shaking your shoulder, groaning as you sat up from your desk chair. Stretching hard, blurry eyes trying to focus on your surroundings as you rubbed them. You spotted the familiar sleek uniform and grunted.

"Ngh. . .hey Connor. . .ugh, what time is it?"

"It is 3:46 PM as of now and today's date is September 25th. You've been sleeping for approximately ten hours due to you doing another allnighter of work for CyberLife. You really should sleep more, Doctor (Y/N). You've been awake for seventy two hours and that is not considered a healthy lifestyle for humans." Connor spoke, direct as ever but you were starting to fall asleep again on your desk. Your head bobbing as if you were in a trance when the android said the word  'sleep'.

Connor moved your shoulder again, harder this time, causing you to groan in protest. "Wake up Doctor! You'll miss the staff meeting at 4 PM, it's important and urgent."

You didn't move, only your eyes fluttering and muttering about 'CyberLife assholes' and 'stupid meetings'. You felt him step back, and walk away from your relaxed person. Thank God. Now you could sleep cozily. Weird, last time you tried to skip a meeting by trying to catch up on sleep, Connor had to pour—

Your eyes widened, and you sat up so fast you saw stars.

"Wait! I'm awake! Don't! I'm up, I'm up!"

Your eyes saw Connor put down a small bottle of water that he had in his hand that he took from your mini fridge.

"Oh, you're awake." His lips pulled back to show teeth. "That's good. I didn't want to have to wake you up like that again. I recall you weren't very receptive, to put it lightly, on my manner of rousing you up the last time this occurred." He started walking to the entrance  of your workshop to the right of your desk and turned towards you, still with his lips pulled back. "Come on, the meeting will start any moment now."

You stared at him, unmoving from your seat. You then moved your arm and pointed.

"What. . . Is that?"

Connor's lips went into a frown.

"What is what? Can you please elaborate?"

"That," you motioned your hand towards him, "whatever you were doing with your mouth. You were baring your teeth at me."

"What? This?" He pulled back his lips again, showing his teeth. It looked so  _weird_. "I'm smiling, isn't this how you do it?" He said, talking oddly due to him making his lips form into what Connor calls a smile when it's anything but.

"No. That is  _not_ a smile." You corrected, tone mock seriousness. "You're just pulling your lips back and showing me those perfect white teeth of yours. It looks more like you're grimacing or that you're constipated or something."

His frown deepened.

"Oh." He looked down to the floor and then back up again. "I just thought that since you smile so often, I would give it a try to take note if you are receptive towards me doing it and to experiment if me doing so would cause you to go to the AM Suite program meeting faster. I won't do it again if you are that repulsed by it."

You stood up from your swiveling desk chair, and went towards him until you were in front of the advanced detective android. Expression from mocking to concern, a single brow up.

"Connor, no. I'm not  _repulsed_  by it." Your mouth curved into a smile. "I'm  _amused_ by it. I was joking, don't worry. Although, I would suggest not doing that in front of others. I don't think they'll get what you're trying to do." You snickered, thinking up scenarios of others looking in a mix of bewilderment and worry at the android who's just trying to appear friendly and not at all trying to drop a deuce.

"Oh. . . Does it look odd? I was just copying what you were doing. You smile a lot, Doctor (Y/N)."

You gasped in exaggeration, punching him playfully in the shoulder causing him to blink in surprise but he did not move. Him remembering from another time that you weren't punishing him with your weak hits, but only affectionately hitting him. It took him a bit to differentiate between affection and an actual violent hit.

"I do  _not_ look like that when I smile. You're supposed to pull your lips up, up Connor! Not just back! And I would like to tell you that I have a pretty smile, I'm absolutely positive it can even rival a fashion model's. Look," you grinned, pointing at your mouth in enthusiasm as his chocolate eyes followed the motion, "my teeth even sparkle!"

Connor bowed his head, and if he was someone else, you were sure he was mocking you. You think you even see his lips giving the smallest of twitches. "Of course, Doctor (Y/N). You after all are a genius among CyberLife, who knows what a perfect human's smile looks like besides you?" 

He then pulled his lips upwards like you said. Better, you observed, not the best but better then before. Nonetheless, you snorted as thoughts came upon you.

_Quite snarky aren't you, Connor? It only comes out sometimes, if ever. Do you even realize what you're doing. . .? I hope this doesn't stop. . . Please don't ever stop Connor._

You were going to give a retort, but then you widened your eyes.

"Wait, what's the meeting about? Did you say the AM Suite program?"

Connor nodded, and your easygoing expression from mere moments ago turned hard as you looked away, eyes unreadable.

". . . I must go Connor. Just, just escort me to the meeting room and continue to explore that floor if you'd like as it's going on."

Connor, realizing that you finally took his words in as well as your sudden change in demeanor, wrinkled his brows but nodded. Proud that he finally got his creator to move and find the importance of this meeting. He motioned his hand for you to go in front of him, but you quickly grabbed your tablet and then moved forward. Giving him a quick smile of thanks before masking your expression, lips thinned.

 _I'm sorry, Connor._ You thought, tightening your eyes as the both of you walked to the elevator to get to the appropriate floor.  _It looks like it might stop sooner then I thought._

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

"The percentage of deviants are rising, ever since February of this year there's been a steady increase of androids gone rogue."

"Yes, but thankfully the majority of those androids have simply gone missing and haven't cause too much trouble that will gain attention from the public eye. That would be. . .disastrous for the company if it ever will."

You want to leave. Maybe you can go outside on another outing with Connor?

" _That_ can never happen! We are CyberLife, we can control these mindless pieces of metal easily. We created them after all."

He seemed to enjoy that outing the both of you went last month, he kept looking everywhere with a childlike wonder. At least, to you that's what it was. He was probably just scanning everything, the curious little thing.

The corner of your mouth quirked up behind your entwined hands, elbows atop the conference meeting table.

"Yes, we can control this. There's only been fifty cases thus far in total in these seven months, and the Detroit Police Department are in no rush at all at trying to find these deviants. They're only stupid reports, like that WR600. Even it's owners don't really care for it much, they're certainly not complaining much about its disappearance."

The both of you rarely get to leave for fun, you're always stuck working on your tasks given to you by CyberLife while Connor is doing his best on searching for deviants. He's solved five so far, always fast and a quick thinker. You would miss him during those times, the work you've been given are certainly not lighthearted. But you do not wish to work in front of him.

_There's just some things that he's not ready for yet. Not now._

"Indeed. But it's such a shame that Kamski left, he would've surely known how to solve these small mishaps."

 _"_ Are we talking about the same man? Kamski was too weak. Too. . .  _adventurous_  about these androids. He didn't want to see that we are the creators and they're simply machines used for our own benefit. Kamski also quit only a year after his role model's death. He doesn't have the strength for this company."

Then again, Connor does not know the true meaning behind their outings. The outings that can make you grin easily or joke in amusement at him due to his somewhat nosy nature and his quirk of having to fix his tie or play with his coin. "To be able to focus and analyze my surroundings and environment for future reference," he'd say, although those reasons were for before and after missions, you kept your observations to yourself.

_Hopefully he'll know how to smile like that for himself._

"We're lucky then, that we have his successor with us to solve all these problems."

Faces you can care less about with minds as empty and brainless turned towards you. You blinked your calculating eyes, surveying the room with pressed lips. Erasing all possible evidence of your thoughts.

"Ah. Good. All of you finally decided to stop your useless information that all of us are already aware of." You commented, unimpressed nor caring for their flinches."Now, are we going to focus on the actual intention of this meeting? I've got work to do."

One of the company directors, in charge of designing, nervously smiled. "Yes, of course. Our apologies. That RK800 has done well hasn't it? Been solving cases since it was fully functional, Doctor (Y/N). Might be your best yet."

Your narrowed eyes scrutinized him, making him slightly go into more of his seat. Only to have this needless hope that your coldness won't reach him there. You blinked carefully, putting your hands down to show your pasted smile.

"Yes, thank you. All has been well with it." You almost slipped the word 'him', so used to it. He's a  _he_. Not an it. "It's past missions have been successful and no hint of failure has been shown."

The director for biocomponents, gave you a pleased hum, a thin smile on her face. "Truly a wonderful model, fast and strong like you stated it would be. Tell me, you've been observing it as it accomplishes it's missions, yes? You're able to observe with that special recording chip you placed in its eyes."

You nodded in confirmation, waiting for her to continue. She quickly did, her fake smile widening causing her cheeks to crease in protest.

"That must be so much work. Terrible for your eyes, you should get as much as you can get. We don't want our best to fall over all of sudden due exhaustion." Her eyes closed. "It would be terrible. Good thing with your little inputs that we have found a solution to your problem."

You bit back a nasty retort, instead only swallowing a lump in your throat only to fail.

"The AM Suite program," the director of security spoke up, his eyes ever so serious and detached, " truly a wonderful replacement and perfect for the job of recording RK800's progress and reports. Who's more perfect making sure everything is in accordance to plan then Amanda herself, Kamski's number one role model and who taught him everything he knew."

"It can also help with the RK800 not having to force you to make a report yourself or coming to the CyberLife Tower." The director of LED added, his worn lips moving. "But you're already aware of all of this of course, aren't you Doctor?"

You bit the inside of your lip and stood up, your tablet upon your hand. You did a few swipes and taps, then waved your hand upwards, bringing a projection of your screen up towards the air in a hologram of blue and yellow. It showed a calm Asian looking scenery, trees in bloom with a calm pond in the middle. You heard excited whispers but you continued, pushing on. You then swiped your hand once more, and a pixelated version of the deceased Amanda appeared. Giving a small polite smile towards the room.

You cleared your throat, capturing everyone's attention from the advanced holograms towards you.

"As you can see, this scenery will show up in Connor's—RK800's—mindscape." You pointed towards the scenery, then used both of your hands to zoom into the scenery and pushing your arms from your front to the side, the scenery of trees and rock walkways overtaking the room."I'm using the word mindscape because that is the best way to explain in simple terms about the program. It will have to concentrate and need a place to stand without disturbance once he enters here, he's after all trying to properly give his report towards Amanda who can immediately give it to us thanks to her sync network within the tower."

The directors gave their nod of approval, smiling. You thought you were done so you turned off the holographic projection with your tablet but the director of biocomponents, damn that woman, stopped you from moving any further.

"'He'?"

You rose a brow.

"Excuse me?"

She smiled in amusement that didn't meet her eyes. "You said 'he' when you were referring to the RK800. You didn't realize?"

A sweat formed on your brow as you smiled apologetically. "A-ah, my mistake. Sorry."

"Oh no need to apologize. Just remember Doctor (Y/N), you shouldn't get attached. They're just machines. Easily replaceable."

Your gut churned at her last statement, you clenched your hand around your tablet. You didn't like her tone, not at all.

Your eyes narrowed. "What do you mean? RK800 is the most advanced android as of now, there's nothing that can possibly beat him."

"Exactly." The director in charge of synthetic wiring said, "It's the most advanced android as of  _now_. There's always room for improvement Doctor, we were actually hoping you could help with the designing and programming."

You glanced towards all the directors, reading that they all seemed to know what the man was saying. Frankly, you don't want to understand what they were saying. What they were implying, but you asked anyways.

The director synthetics answered for you, "For creating RK900 of course." Your eyes widened and you grew stiff as he continued. "All of RK800's missions have been successful this far, but that hostage situation tactic was tasteless. Even you have to agree on that, Doctor (Y/N). The repair you had to do on it. . . waste of funds. It'd be best if we created a model that doesn't go up and get deactivated and waste resources to create more, but to always succeed without letting itself get deactivated—."

"Enough." You interrupted, blood boiling as you glared. "I don't agree with this project. It's only been a month and you're ready to replace h—the RK800." You turned away towards the door, grabbing the handle as you looked over your shoulder. "Cease this immediately, that's an order."

You didn't look back towards them, only storming out with your hair covering your raging (e/c) eyes.

_How dare they?! Do they think of androids that low? So easily replaced? Like a phone?!_

Your body moved towards the lobby of this floor, ignoring others as they greeted you. Your mind and gut filled with disgust.

_How can they treat them like this? They helped create them, but instead of treating them with awe and affection, they. . .!_

You made a sigh of frustration, clenching your fist that didn't hold your tablet, your nails biting into your hand.

_Bastards! Bastards all of them, why'd you leave me here like this Elijah? They don't see. . . They don't see Connor._

You stopped and leaned against the wall, hand across your face as you thought about red and blue blood. You rubbed your shimmering eyes.

Sometimes you think your blood was more blue then red.

_If only. Damn . . . now I wish ra9 to take the wheel._

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

Connor did not expect to find you like this, leaning against the wall a few steps away from the lobby area with your face covered after the seemingly strenuous meeting.

He was outside the door after him walking around, but the meeting was longer then he anticipated so he opted to choose a corner where he can go through his coin tricks that he observed with videos. There was many ways to use or move the coin upon one's hands, Connor learned. The coin that was kindly given to him by his creator to assist in maintaining his protocol flicked back and forth easily between his hands, the coin making a cry each time he did it.

When Connor escorted you to the meeting room, he observed that your shoulders looked heavier. As well as you abusing your lips with your teeth. Whatever the meeting was about, it must've been difficult on his creator's mind.

You rarely ever appeared distraught around him. Always grinning, always laughing at him for whatever reasons he can never fully comprehend. But your happiness towards his appearance must mean that he is doing something right, making his creator proud. You must've put so much work into him, so anything he does, he must do it right by his creator. He must follow your commands.

 _No,_  he corrected,  _follow your advice and wishes. That's what you always say._

Another thing he doesn't understand is your refusal to control him, like he isn't the machine he is but something that is sentient. That is aware.

That is  _alive_. His mind is still troubled about what you were commenting about his thirium pump regulator, that it  _beats_ and not simply _pumps._

Your statements contradict his programming, the programming you installed and yet you don't seem to understand what it means yourself. And you're a genius.

He's also observed that the way you treat him and the other androids in this facility or in the street, is different from how you treat your own kind. Cold, detached. Or your eyes in a mild glare if you see an android owner hit its android in the street, like when they were in their outing.

Connor wonders what goes on in that always turning and rapidly thought processing mind of yours. He thinks if he would try to look inside, he won't be able to make sense of it all. But of course that's impossible, he can never enter his creator's mind.

He wishes he did now though, he stepped forward carefully and hunching his back to try to see your face.

"Doctor (Y/N)?" You froze, moving your hand slightly to peek up at him. He wrinkled his brows, noticing your eyes were red. "Are you alright? Was the meeting too strenuous for you? Do you want me to get eye medication or take you to your room for some sleep?"

You were silent for a moment, then you shook your head.

"I. . .lets go outside to the city." You murmured so softly and so incoherently that Connor was sure if it's wasn't for his sensitive auditory receptors he would not have been able to understand it. He felt himself frown, worried about your health but decided to hold back his queries.

He nodded. "Very well. Let's go."

You stepped away from the wall, but you kept your eyes hidden. Whenever he would take a glimpse, your face was unreadable. As if you were a professional android yourself. You were like that all the down to the elevator and even on the automatic taxi for their ride outside of CyberLife's properties. It was only until the both of you were sitting in front of a park with human children running around with androids dutifully watching did you finally break, your arms suddenly around his waist and your face into his chest.

His LED blinked blue, brown eyes looking down at you in pure bewilderment at your. . .action of affection. He kept his arms by his side, not quite sure what to do. This is a hug yes?

"Doctor (Y/N)? Are you alright?"

His question only caused you to tighten your hold on him.

"Connor. . .please don't ever go."

He frowned. "What are you talking about? I can't ever leave. I'm an android sent by CyberLife to track down deviants, so I will always come back to hand my findings within Detroit. I don't have the means to leave anywhere."

You clenched a hand around his suit, surely wrinkling it. He'll have to find another pressed one later.

"Things. . .are going to change Connor. . .there's a new program I have to install in you. . .you'll be able to give reports without having you or myself fill it within the Tower but you only having to talk to a V.I. within the program."

Efficient. Way more efficient then before, he won't have to trouble himself or his creator and waste more time then needed to find more deviants. But he doesn't get it, this troubles you. Why?

"I. . ." You started, then swallowed. You pulled back slightly to look at him, lips pulled into a. . . Connor frowned. It looks like you're smiling but it wasn't the way you demonstrated earlier today. It looked odd. Wrong. He can't place his finger on it, so he only waited for you to finish. "You remember what I said, Connor? About you avoiding death—deactivation—at all costs for every mission you take?" He nodded, recalling that he couldn't promise such a thing since his protocol is to always accomplish his mission no matter the cost. But he did state that he will try. "Please,  _please,_ Connor. Avoid it. Remember everything I've taught you, about always remaining courteous and polite to others around you. Don't forget, please." Your eyes were begging, you were begging.

Why were you begging? He can't ever forget. There's nothing he can forget, so why are you like this? You can just command him. Why don't you just  _command_  him?

He doesn't understand.

"Doctor (Y/N)," he pushed you away slightly with his hands on each of your shoulders, assessing you. Noticing how your tear ducts were opening again, your heart racing and stress levels were going too high for his tastes. "Calm down. You're beginning to worry me, that meeting clearly pushed you too hard. I can't ever forget what you've said to me, you're my creator. I always listen. I just don't. . ."

He doesn't understand what you're trying to say.

His LED blinked yellow.

Your lips widened into that not smile, should he tell you you're doing it wrong? Your eyes were glittering too. He should keep a handkerchief on him, you're more emotional then he anticipated.

"Please don't change either." You grabbed his hand, and tightened. Making him glimpse at it only for you to use your other hand to touch his cheek. " _Please_."

How strange. His creator is so warm, he knew that. But you never held him like this before. Isn't this what those human couples do in those romance movies? This is intimate, too intimate for a detective android like him.

He doesn't understand.

"Doctor, I— I don't understand. Please elaborate further on why you're acting like this. I don't sense any lowered blood levels due to your cycle, is your sleep deprivation affecting you?"

You looked at him, then you laughed. Connor observed your real smile, the smile you showed him, was on your lips.

 _That looks better,_ he thought to himself, wondering on why you were laughing again. Was it at him? It always seems to be at him.

His eyes then widened in alarm as tears went down your face, LED flashing yellow in alarm. He thought you were happy, why were you crying?

"Doctor (Y/N), what's wrong? How are you laughing and crying?"

You opened your eyes and released a snicker. Wiping your eyes.

"It's called laughing your eyes out, dork." You answered good naturedly, him giving a slight 'oh' in response, LED back to calm blue. You seemed to be analyzing his face, for your eyes moved across it. Seeming to put his puzzled expression into memory. Your smile then softened. "Come on, Connor. Next social norm lesson. Proper way to hug."

You moved your arms to go around his waist once more, and he stiffened. Arms by his sides, questioning to himself on how this is classified as a lesson by any definition of the word. You made a noise of frustration.

"Connor, like  _this_. You know how." You grabbed his arms and placed it on your back, you moving back to your position of your face on his chest and arms wrapped snugly around him as his hands were placed on your back. Does he rub your back? Or keep it there?

He decided to just give it a few pats, causing you to giggle. Making his chest vibrate with the sound. How peculiar.

The both of you stayed on the bench, still grasping at each other in a way that humans call a hug. With some passerby's glancing at them curiously as time passed by.

"We won't be able to do this much, Connor." You stated, capturing his attention once more as he looked down. He was only able to see one side of your face, which was what one would call solemn even though you were smiling. But it was that weird smile. "I might have to treat you a little different too once I install the program. . . I hope you won't mind. I gotta be all professional and all." Your eyes turned unreadable, glancing to the side. "People, they won't get or understand why I treat you like this. I don't think they ever will."

Connor cocked his head. There you go again, saying statements such as that. Of course he won't mind, he doesn't have the right nor capabilities to  _mind._ Why does his creator have to be so confusing? And won't it be better if they acted more professional towards each other? Like creator and machine? Instead of. . .whatever this was?

"How would you describe that you treat me? And will you treating me like I'm supposed to be treated be so bad for you?"

A beat of silence passed before you answered.

"I treat you like I would treat any other decent living being. And" you glanced up at him, brows furrowed far too down and eyes far too slanted. "Yes, it will be horrible for me. I just hope you can forgive me." You turned your face back into chest and tightened your hold around him once more.

Your answer only perturbed him further.

_I don't understand._

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

**_I feel bad for Reader. . . The stuff she has to do to Connor. The stuff she has to do for CyberLife in GENERAL. It's horrible._ **

**_I don't wish this fate onto anyone. How can you explain an emotion to someone who doesn't understand them? How can you hold so many secrets? So dark deep secrets?(yup, Reader does know about ra9. But I'm doing my own spin on it. Remember that.)_ **

**_And Connor. . . Ohhhh , CONNOR. You sweet boy. You don't know._ **

**_ You don't know. _ **

**_Hopefully I'll have the next one soon. Next chapter should have the storyline start mid chapter or something._ **

**_Please comment and vote. ^.^_ **


	3. ◎℟eady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music: https://youtu.be/QnA5xPYYVYk

The past few weeks haven't been as different for Connor like you hinted in that park after the AM Suite program meeting, the program that has already been implanted and working accordingly as planned. He didn't expect for any errors or system failures to occur, you are after all the best.

The best that CyberLife can offer, even though your human emotions would at times rattle him and give him pause, you have not done much ever since you implemented the program where he was able to communicate with a formal courteous woman under the name Amanda. Then again, he hasn't been able to see you as often either.

Your interactions with him have only been a handful, you being far too busy with projects he presumed. He wonders if you've been getting enough sleep each time they happen to cross paths or meet, your eyes are far too red and baggy to be considered normal. Connor would ask you each time about your rest, but you would only answer with that weird smile and unreadable eyes, saying: "Thank you for your concern, Connor. It's appreciated. I best get back to work."

You avoided the question skillfully, each time he would inquire about you or your health you would sidestep and claim that you were engaged in your tasks. You never gave him a straight answer, Connor has long since observed. But he kept his thoughts to himself.

He shouldn't question his creator. He  _shouldn't_.

_"Don't forget, please." You begged._

That's right, Connor shouldn't question. But he doesn't  _understand_.

Why were you acting like that? Why did you suddenly forget how to 'properly' smile?

You started making those odd ones the same day you taught him the methodical and correct way to pull his lips.

Did the meeting cause a relapse of your memory? Did it affect your cingulate cortex of your brain? Highly improbable unless you somehow got a weapon placed into your brain and had to undergo surgery to remove said cortex. The cingulate cortex of a human's brain is what's responsible for facial expressions, including smiling, but it is an automatic response to unique stimuli depending on the environments around said human.

It was then that Connor concluded that due to your sleep deprivation, your memory must've faded away. That particular memory in fact. His conclusion made certain parts of his programming stir. You weren't maintaining your health, and your health is imperative for you to stay alive as well as properly function in full capability. This brought some sort of unease within him, likely due to how certain parts of his programming felt like they recoiled when he made this realization about you.

So he brought this towards Amanda. Entering the peaceful scenery has been quite simple, it only takes for him to close his eyes and pull up the AM Suite Program, or to put it shortly, the graphic interface and he was here. Once he located her, he spoke about all of his watchful monitoring each time he was able to locate you as well as scans. Connor even confessing that you not watching over your own health has been a cause for concern within himself.

Amanda listened intently, looking at him with careful eyes as he spoke. After he finished, her brows were furrowed as she looked down.

"Yes, that is quite worrisome." she said, looking back up at him as they walked along one of the rock walkways of the Zen Garden, a wind constantly moving the plants around them and the pond.

 _Odd. There's usually not much disturbance to the garden. Only a light breeze,_ Connor observed, his neutral expression slightly forming a frown.

"I am glad you brought this to my attention, Connor." Amanda flashed a kind smile at him. Not the kind you showed him though. Amanda hasn't smiled like that towards him yet. "Your cause of concern is well placed. Doctor (Y/N)'s health is of course a top priority."

_I knew it._

Yes he did, but it didn't stop him from opening his mouth.

"I'm glad that I was able to bring it up to you then. Should I inform her to take a few days of rest?"

Amanda stopped and he stopped with her, turning his body so it was facing her as they stood in front of blooming cherry blossom tree. "Connor, that's actually an excellent idea." She praised, dark brown eyes looking at him with a glitter. Her lips then twitched down. "But I'm afraid the Doctor can't have so much freedom. Her work is critical in sustaining as well as aiding CyberLife, but if she's getting sloppy that can't be good. Convince her to take a nap at least, it's almost time for your clearance to work with the DPD so try to have her take a quick break before that day comes."

With that, he left the interface and has been standing outside your workshop lab fiddling with his coin as he waited patiently by the door.

His talk with Amanda assisted him greatly on trying to pinpoint on why certain parts of him was causing a stir. It makes sense that seeing you not perform well for the company, or at least, seeing your health deteriorating and eventually cause your performance for CyberLife to drop will make his protocol and certain programs of watching out for the company become sensitive. That's what he understood from his enlightening conversation. CyberLife is of utmost importance, so he should in turn make sure  _you_ and your health is of utmost importance.

Connor flicked the coin up in the air, catching it swiftly once gravity took control and then flicked it back and forth between hands, eyes straight ahead.

Of course, he always watches out for his creator. He has to.

 _For CyberLife,_  he thought, flicking the coin up in the air once more as his LED flickered dark blue.

"Connor?"

He would've dropped the coin out of surprise if he was a lesser being, but he caught it between his index and middle finger just in time, brown eyes turning towards your nearing form. He put the coin into his pocket and scanned you quickly as you were walking towards him.

You were holding onto your customary tablet, hands and fingers having traces of thirium. You must've been tinkering with an android. You were also holding an energy drink in your hand, containing 32g of Sugar, 92 mg of Caffeine, as well as 190g of Sodium.

You  _really_  should not be drinking that.

He's advised you weeks ago to stop drinking it, since each serving of Beast brings you closer to having a higher risk of obtaining a heart attack. You only answered by giving him a roll of your eyes, saying that he would take care of you if anything should happen then and he would have full permission to give as many lectures as he wishes.

His face must've shown disapproval, for you frowned, glancing down at your drink then throwing it away at the nearest trash bin.

You're not totally lost then.

You neared him, finally coming to a stop in front of his form a few feet away with arms crossed and lips quirked down. (E/C) eyes holding a hint of carefulness.

"Connor. . . Hi. What are you doing here? How long have you been standing there?" Your eyes flicked from side to side, following passerby's movements. Hands clenching and unclenching around your tablet if someone walked passed them.

He put his hands behind his back, gazing towards you.

"I've been standing here outside of your workshop for the past twelve hours awaiting your arrival." He said curtly, your eyes snapped towards him, now wide and on him. "I have been given instructions to convince you to take a small break due to my constant examinations on your noticeable lack of sleep and exhaustion."

"You've been out here, playing with your coin waiting for me dutifully outside of my door without moving like a guard from Buckingham Palace since 9PM  _yesterday_?!"

"To my knowledge, the guards of Buckingham Palace aren't able to play with anything to maintain their focus." Conner informed, unperturbed as you palmed your face while muttering. The corners of your mouth twitching up. "But yes. I imagine you were in your other workshops? You've rarely been coming to this one as of late. Is there a reason in particular as to why?"

You put down your hand from your face, eyes back to unreadable and lips quirked into a small not smile.

_It doesn't look like that, Doctor (Y/N)._

"Sorry, Connor. I have to go. I don't have time for breaks, I really need to focus on my work." You moved past him, opening the door and entering your workshop. He followed you.

You turned towards him, frowning at him and eyes carefully assessing him. Putting down your tablet upon your desk table and standing in front of it.

"Connor. Please leave."

He shook his head, frown tugging at his lips at your cautious behavior. You're never so cautious around him. Or perhaps you're just trying to have a distant professional relationship like you said the both of you would have back at the park.

Is this how you would act?

_"Will you treating me like I'm supposed to be treated be so bad for you?"_

_You glanced up at him, brows furrowed far too down and eyes far too slanted. "Yes, it will be horrible for me. I just hope you can forgive me."_

"I cannot do that, Doctor (Y/N). My apologies if I'm disturbing you but I've been ordered to have you rest. Your sleep deprivation is becoming a great concern."

You arched a disbelieving brow, leaning against your desk with crossed arms.

"Oh? Who's orders? Who told you that I needed rest, Connor?"

He cleared his throat, fixing his already kempt tie. He didn't think you would be so difficult. You're usually much more. . .  _receptive_ , that is to say, of him.

_This is how it is now. This is better. Less confusing. Less questions, less problems._

"Actually. . . I've been the one that's been trying to tell you to gain more rest the past few weeks but you've ignored my advice." Connor explained gently, a look passed over your eyes but quickly went away as you looked down. "My observations of your behavior was becoming worrisome since I've been taking note that memory loss has occurred as a result of your sleep exhaustion." You looked up again, confused but he continued. "So I decided to confer with another for—"

"Hold on," you interrupted, raising a hand and he immediately shut his mouth. "What exact memory I've lost? It must be important for you to verbally exclaim your worry." You smirked at him then, amused. Your eyes though, were looking at him with a softness that can be compared to the way lovers would. . . He stopped at that. "Which I'm very flattered about by the way, you worrying about me and all."

"You lost the ability to smile."

You blinked, twice.

"I, sorry? What?"

"You don't remember how to correctly achieve the perfect smile you presented towards me a few weeks ago." Connor pulled his lips back and up, like you said to demonstrate. "Like this," he put his mouth back to a straight line and furrowed his brows as a flash of an emotion too quick for him to decipher passed over your face, eyes shimmering. His LED flashed a dark blue instead of its calm sky.

You turned your face away from him.

"C—Connor. . . I—I'm sorry. I didn't forget. I didn't." Your voice sounded raw, so Connor stepped closer to you in concern but you only turned more of your face away by now looking down. "I'm sorry you had to see those. . . It's just been hard to smile like that these days. I just didn't want anyone to worry so I, I just keep on trying to smile and hope that people believe it."

Connor's brows turned down further.

"No one else can tell? Those not smiles you've been showing is easy to decipher between a real one. Do your fellow co-workers have problems with observing their surroundings? Humans themselves should be able to discern smiles, the majority of you do it all the time."

You chuckled weakly, flicking your eyes up at him.

"No, Connor. Just you. Always you. You're. . ." You paused, biting your lip and glancing away to the side. "You're more than I originally imagined, Connor.  _Way_  more."

Connor let a few beats of silence pass before he broke the question.

"So, you did not forget to smile?"

A broken laugh escaped your lips, and he took note that despite the odd sound that came out the back of your threat at first, it started to sound like your original laugh.

And you were smiling.

_You did not forget. Good._

He does not know why he thought it was good, all he knows is that he enjoys seeing his creator happy, his lips twitching upwards as he stared, unblinking. Even though he knows this feeling he has is due to his loyalty towards CyberLife and that is why his thirium seemed to warm at the site, knowing that he is already beginning to help his creator ease yourself into resting.

"Connor," you shouted, eyes shining and lips curved into that smile as you neared him to put a hand upon his shoulder no doubt. Your unpredictability is predictable. "You're such a–" you stopped in your movement, and all mirth left your eyes as you took back your hand to your side.

It seems he's mistaken once again. Connor pressed his lips together and frowned.

"Doctor (Y/N)?"

You turned your tense back towards him, using your tablet as you made swipes and taps.

"Who did you talk to, Connor?" You said curtly, still tapping away. He answered nonetheless

"If you're referring to whom I confided on about my analyzations about your health, it was Amanda."

If it was possible, your back tensed even more, you pausing a finger above your tablet before continuing and giving out a small 'I see.' Once you were finished you set the tablet down once again and turned towards him, eyes guarded.

"I suppose you won't leave until you see me take a nap, right Connor?"

Connor nodded his affirmation, and you sighed, ruffling your hair on your head in what he read as frustrated exasperation. You walking towards the black leather couch with two decorative but soft looking pillows and sat upon it, him following a step behind you and coming to stand next to the couch.

"I'm sorry, Doctor (Y/N) that I'm forcing you to do this but this is for your best interest." He advised, wrinkling his brows at your glare that was on the floor. You then looked up at him, blinking the glare away.

"You can never force me, Connor. To do anything." You retorted, eyes half lidded and lips moving up to form a ghost of a smile.

"I actually can." He answered, arching a brow at you once more. "I was ready to knock you out or do whatever was necessary to have you rest your body and eyes." You were laying upon the couch, head on the pillows with your back against the seating.

You were looking up at him, those (e/c) eyes that always used to look at him. Always gazing and always staring with a glitter behind them. It sure has been a bit, hasn't it? Since the last time you've looked at him like that, with a secret glint in your eyes and lips quirked into a calm smile.

You were telling him something without having to speak. He remembers you explaining that if people know each other well enough, they are able to read another's thoughts. Without the use of supernatural powers or just a professional reader of body language. An odd but useful skill if missions of stealth or reconnaissance was needed.

There's a point where people just  _know_ , you said, a point where speaking is needless.

 _"You wouldn't have,"_ your eyes said, you then closing them as you breathed peacefully and hopefully gaining enough sleep.

Connor stood over you for a few minutes, wondering if he read you right or not. If he even did this right or it was just a sentence or retort he made up for you to answer with towards his statement of him doing whatever was necessary to have you sleep and rest those always red and baggy eyes of yours.

In the end, he said nothing as he began to flick his coin around once more. For there was nothing he can say to disprove his creator's statement.

_I wouldn't have._

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

_Tomorrow is the day._

You were anxious, working and tinkering in another workshop of yours. Away from prying eyes but most specifically Connor's.

It's been torture for you, you ignoring him or at least trying to. Trying to treat him like you would anybody else here, any worker that was within the CyberLife Tower. With a polite distance and at times a dash of coldness.

You're always so open with him, you've always been. You loved being near Connor and trying to teach him life lessons to the best of your capability.

You loved seeing him stare at everything around him in their outings, always scanning. Always curious.

You loved his quirks, you loved how he has skillfully learned almost every coin trick there is. How he would straighten or tighten his tie when there was no need, him always doing it before or after a mission or speaking about important topics towards you.

You loved his bewildered face that to you looks more like an innocent pout. You having to resist to pinch his artificial epidermis cheeks.

You loved everything. You truly did. Connor. . . He's more then you thought he would be. You never imagined all of this. Never dreamed of it, and yet, and yet it is  _real_ and damn it do you  _love_  it!

You love it, you love how he's becoming his own. He just needs a correct push, Connor just needs to go towards the correct path and then Connor will become what you always hoped.

That is, a screw fell out from a biocomponent as you stared ahead not particularly looking at anything, that is if ra9 deems it so.

 _Damn it! Damn it, damn it, damn it, DAMN IT!_ You raged in your head, looking up at the ceiling and not particularly looking at anything but you knew.

Oh, how you  _knew_.

You were the Cassandra from Greek Mythology, cursed with knowledge that no one could believe. Could understand. Could  _comprehend_.

Tomorrow is the day where Connor starts working with that Lieutenant, who lost his child due to a human being too high on Red Ice to operate and an android was instead the head of the surgery only for it to fail and for poor Cole to die. Where everything about deviant androids have reached its limit for CyberLife, where Connor will truly shine.

_Tomorrow, it's so close. Why is it so close? Where have the months gone, Connor? Where I was myself around you and not so cold towards you? Please, please forgive me._

You are aware that him having the capability of forgiving or even understanding on what it means is a concept he has yet to understand. But you hope he does.

You looked towards a hard drive inside the monitor, biting your lip as numerous plans and scenarios came upon your mind.

You really hope he does.

You stepped back from the operating table, finishing it up and cleaning your mess. Picking up the hard drive and putting it in your pants pocket that is hidden due to to your large lab coat. You've done all you could. You've taught him as much as you could in this short time. Everything is going to be out of your hands.

_ra9. . . Be kind, I beg of you._

You turned the light off of the room and stepped out, leaving the room filled with the Connor Series behind and you began to search for your android. If not. . . well, there's always more you can input into your hard drive.

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

"Connor!" You waved at the android, running towards him outside the Tower. He turned away from the automatic taxi, pocketing his coin that he was flipping in the air. Connor tipped his head down in greeting once you reached him, you panting at the exercise as you tried to catch your breath with hands on your knees.

"I—hhh—I'm glad I—hah—caught you." You huffed, sweat along your brow that you're sure Connor is scanning and carefully examining as of now with that slight frown of disapproval. "Ugh. . . I really need—hah—to work out."

"Yes, that would be beneficial towards you. " Connor agreed easily. "You rarely leave your workshops however, so it is no wonder that you aren't exactly the best in using the physical abilities of your body. You should leave the Tower more."

You looked up at him, eyes narrowed.

"You make me sound like a lazy hermit." You said, defensive.

"Oh, those humans that live secluded from society to achieve spiritual strength you mean?" Connor questioned, LED blinking blue. "Yes. . . now that you mention it, you live similarly to their lifestyles. Only differences is your extravagant surroundings and you explore mental strength."

You did your best to not smack him, you only releasing an exaggerated sigh and palming your face. You can't believe he compared you to those wrinkly old guys, no offense towards them but. . . You just can't believe it.

You then released a small smile, motioning  your hand towards the vehicle. "Heading towards the station huh? Finally glad to be cleared to work with DPD?"

Connor gave a sharp nod. "Yes. The others at CyberLife have finally been able to accomplish all the paperwork in order for me to successfully integrate within the force. Hopefully with this partnership with the city police, we can finally get enough evidence as to why deviancy is spreading amongst androids." Connor fisted his right hand and hit it with his open left palm in a downwards motion, as if to show the defeat of said deviant androids.

You tried to not read that motion too much nor the possible violent meanings it could have.

 _Connor. . .if only you knew the truth. If only things were as simple as me telling you right here and now._ You thought sadly, trying to keep your face neutral at his words as he continued that he will successfully accomplish his mission.  _Why aren't things as simple as those stories? Where the hero just goes ahead and solves the problem with no fear in their heart? Why must everything be so complicated? Why do we humans hate everything that is different from us? Why do we always have to hate and hate, but not just love and love more?_

"This mission will be solved in no time, Doctor (Y/N). You have my word. I haven't failed. Not once."

_Connor. . ._

You released a quick smile. "I know you will be able to Connor. You're the absolute best. But, just in case anything happens during your missions, if there's an injury or a needed biocomponent to be replaced," you put a hand to your chest, "come to me. Luckily CyberLife has given me clearance of their own. Go to my house near the Ravendale district, you know where it is. I will be there for my two week vacation."

Connor blinked. "Ah, yes. I almost didn't recall that you had a home outside of the Tower. You always sleep here."

You glared. "Hey. Watch it. You're really making fun of my hermit like life now."

"I don't mean to insult you, it's just," he furrowed his brows, trying to form a way where you wouldn't get offended.

_Always trying. Always trying, Connor._

_When will you realize. . .? When will you see just how amazing you are my sweet Connor?_

"It's just I personally don't see the negatives of being compared to peaceful loving humans who are following a respectful practice." Connor supplied carefully, then frowning as he thought back onto your words. "Two week vacation?"

You decided to let go of your little grudge about him comparing you truly living like a hermit to answer his unspoken question.

"Yes. But I'm on call if anything is to occur in this time. This is an important case, Connor. You're most critical yet."

He nodded in affirmation, then titling his head. "Are you worried?" At your questioning look, he pointed at the spot between your brows. "You haven't stopped wrinkling your brows since you first saw me, and your stress levels are quite high and it was not caused by you running over here to give me your farewell. Are you doubting me?"

You quirked your lips up. "You?" You then did what you've been yearning for once more, ever since that day in the park. You grabbed his hand, squeezing it. "Never." Connor looked down at your hands, LED blinking blue. You continued before he would step away, you stepping closer to him. "Connor, don't forget what you said to me." You were imploring him with your eyes.

No. Begging.

"Don't forget. What I said that day in the park, you remember? About your missions? Your agreement?"

He gave a slow nod, opening his mouth to speak but you continued.

"And don't forget about how to treat others either. Always be polite. Compassionate. Please. Do it."

He stared at you, and you stared at him. The both of you didn't move. (E/C) eyes looking up to soft chocolate. Connor gave another nod.

You released a breath you didn't realizing you were holding, bringing your other hand to touch his as you looked down at them.

_His hands are so different from yours. So different. And yet. . ._

You rubbed your fingers on his hand before stepping away and putting your hands into your pockets, finally looking up to catch a glimpse that his LED was yellow but went back to blue.

You then gave your farewell to him, as he entered the vehicle to go to the station to find his partner. You stayed in front of the Tower long past you last saw his car get too far away, your hands clenching and unclenching.

Wishing to hold something. But not just anything. You long for a smooth hand that belongs to an advanced prototype. You wish that you never let go. You wish that graphic interface with Amanda was never created. Wishing that humans would stop their cycle of hate. Wishing for others to see the beauty of these droids. Wishing for changes to stop occurring.

Wishing that if circumstances were different, you would hug him to death instead of settling to a grasp of hands.

You wish for many things.

Your wishes, if ever, rarely come true.

_Please, Connor. Don't go._

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

**_A little more is revealed. Connor's POV will mostly take over from now on. The storyline has now started._ **

**_You will see them together again whenever Connor gets his first injury. I will summarize his time with Hank until that time comes._ **

**_I hope you guys enjoy._ **

**_Please comment and vote! ^.^_ **


	4. ◎฿eat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music: https://youtu.be/rSXEqJnKrKQ

_The Lieutenant is an interesting human._

That's how Connor summarized it at least, as he scanned the food truck that the Lieutenant was grabbing for his needed sustenance for lunch after solving that homicide in Ortiz's house the previous night and chasing that AX400 along with the YK500.

Ever since he's been partnered with the Lieutenant, it has been filled with events after another when it came to cases of deviants. The android that murdered the drug user Ortiz, the HK400, managed to release information for him without the advanced prototype having to pressure the droid too far. The droid did not self destruct thanks to that, but it did not stop itself from committing suicide later in its clear inescapable cell at the police station. Connor only stared at it, blinking at the body for a few seconds, perplexed at the fact that it would deactivate itself at a station instead of within CyberLife where actions towards deactivation would be. . .less brutal.

_Why would it do such a thing?_

Connor doesn't know.

_Why did I stop from pursuing the AX400 just because the Lieutenant said so?_

Connor still doesn't know, but.  _But_ , he does recall at that moment when the Lieutenant grabbed his arm before he was about to jump over the fence, scolding him that he will only get killed in the fast highway, your own words echoed back to him.

_"For me. Avoid death at all costs. Accomplish missions without you sacrificing your life."_

And so he stopped, only looking at the escaping AX400 and the YK500 completely at a loss. Your words, your voice, your eyes, and your whole expression that was just filled with the emotion of pleading. You're always pleading, always begging at him to follow your words. Always with (e/c) shimmering eyes filled with water looking at him. Stress levels high, eyes always tired and baggy from lack of sleep and red. 

You're not supposed to look like that, your stress and eyes have always been like that since he woke up, but ever since the Zen Garden interface has been placed, no. That's not right. Ever since you left the meeting about said program, you've acted oddly. He understood your change of behavior as you finally acting accordingly towards him, formal. But what if he was wrong?

Before that meeting, your personality has always been the kind where it was open and kind. Answering all of his questions with either a patient smile or a laugh when they went on their outings, highly likely due to how some questions or conclusions he's made was either put bluntly, ridiculous, or too serious. That's what you always said anyways, and he never doubted you were ever wrong. You're his creator. He shouldn't question. He  _can't_  question.

_"With this program, Connor," you spoke as you stood above him of your operating table, holographic properties all over the room to assist you or inform you if you placed the software incorrectly as he laid there, unmoving with brown eyes following your movements. His skin was deactivated and the top of his head was unlatched, since that was where the program will be built in. "CyberLife will be able to inform you of new cases right as they come in. It will avoid any and all hassle of you having to come to the Tower for any new leads in your deviant investigation."_

_You must be summarizing the details again for him. Unnecessary. He stayed quiet though, letting you continue your work and explanation._

_But it didn't come, for you stopped in moving the circuits above his head and stayed silent. Metal where his brows would be turned down._

_"Doctor (Y/N)? Has something occurred or have been found in my wires that does not allow the program to enter?" He spotted you move your blue tinted hand to your face, taking deep breaths as you shook your head. "Then what is the problem? Should I call for assistance for another engineer?"_

_You took your hand away from your face, pained. "No!"_

_Connor blinked at your yell, as you gave a sigh, glancing to the side._

_"Sorry. I did not mean to yell, Connor. Forgive me." You whispered, clenching your hands on the operating table near his torso._

_"There's nothing to forgive." He replied quickly, eyes stirring from your form to the ceiling. "You can yell at me all you want. I won't get hurt by it, I'm just a machine. I'm nothing." He turned his eyes back to you, and his metal lips turned down at the sight._

_You gazed down at him, a mix of saddened and anger. It seemed you were trying to decide on something, whether it was what emotion to feel or not, Connor did not know. All he saw was that you were biting your lip, eyes flickering across his face with your hands clenching and unclenching on the table._

_Did he say something wrong? He was merely stating facts._

_You closed your eyes, and then opened them. A determined look set on your face._

_"No. You're not nothing. You'll never be just nothing," you put a hand on his shoulder, growing closer, "you hear me? Don't let Amanda tell you any different when I put this in. You'll never be nothing to me, Connor. Never." You squeezed his suit covered shoulder, hard._

_He stayed silent. Mostly because he had nothing to say to that. How can one reply to that?_

_"Another thing I must add about this Connor," you continued. "I am removing your connecting recording device that lets me monitor your actions in missions. This program will be able to do just that without me having to see everything myself on my tablet. Amanda will be able to do this job for me."_

_Good, he thought. You can catch up on needed sleep then instead of constantly having to supervise his missions. He lifted his lips up but stopped, realizing that something was not quite right._

_Your tone, Connor slightly tilted his head._

_It was a warning._

_"Is that not good, Doctor (Y/N)? This program makes doing your job easier for you."_

_You shook your head, and your hand grazed his cheek, eyes intense._

_"Connor, this means CyberLife will be watching your every move. Every choice you make, they'll see. Amanda will constantly oversee every choice you make, since she's your handler." You cupped his cheek, and your lips were slightly tilted up into a gentle not smile. His LED flashed yellow. "Do you understand? I. . . We—" you stopped, glancing down, unsure._

_You began muttering, but Connor decided to ignore your odd words and instead scanned you to make sure you're alright. You were muttering in riddles after all, 'choices are sometimes not our own',  'something will go wrong', 'labyrinths' and 'not ready'._

_Clearly, something is wrong. Your stress levels were going alarmingly high, your heart beating quickly he could practically hear your blood cells moving under your skin. Your hand upon his cheek was also shaking slightly._

**_*Anxiety_ ** **_Attack Detected*_ **

_Connor wasted no time in grabbing your hand upon his cheek, keeping it there._

_"Breathe," He said gently, unable to get up. But he managed to grab your attention, blurry constricted eyes back to focusing on him. "Nothing will go wrong. You're here. Everything's alright. Breathe, Doctor (Y/N). With me."_

_He took a breath and you shakily did it, too quick though._

_"Again, at the same time. You can do it. You're the best, Doctor (Y/N). " His lips curved into a smile that can be seen as reassuring. "This is nothing. Breathe. Come on, you can do it. I know you can." You broke a smile at that. It must be working._

_He took a breath and you followed, more calmly then before and eyes focused on him. Now dilated, you squeezed your fingers with his that were over your hand upon his metal cheek._

_"One more time. Breathe with me, (Y/N)."_

_He lifted his other activated dermis hand that was atop the table, motioning for you to grab it. You wasted no time in doing so, squeezing like it was your lifeline. Which is perfect, a person suffering with anxiety needs an anchor to bring them back. Connor did not read too much into it besides that._

_The both of you breathed, now in sync. Connor gave you another careful smile and slight tip of the head, you returning it with his LED back to blue. You closed your eyes._

_". . . Thank you, Connor. But please remember what I said." You opened them again, imploringly as his smile fell. "CyberLife will be constantly watching you, even outside missions. You—" You breathed in shakily, and Connor was ready to calm you down but then you continued, "You must think carefully on what you say, Connor. Be careful on what you say. Amanda will see and listen. Just try to accomplish your missions without sacrificing your life, you hear me? This is also why I must. . . act different towards you Connor when I put this in. Just," you rubbed your thumb on his cheek, (e/c) eyes watery with a broken crumple of a smile, "I hope you can forgive me."_

_"There's nothing to forgive," he replied, watching you. There really was nothing to forgive. You've never harmed him._

_If possible, your smile turned even more broken at his words. He's so horrible at being a comfort to you. Why can't he be better at helping you? LED was yellow once more._

_You then kissed the spot between his brows._

_Connor's optical lens widened, his metal lips parting but he did not let go or pull away from your hands where one was still on his cheek and the other being squeezed gently by yours. Something fell upon his face as you moved back, releasing him. He noticed your right cheek had a watery trail._

_So that's what it was . . ._

_"Oh, sorry." You said, wiping away the tear that fell upon his metal cheek and he could only watch. That's all he can do, he doesn't know what to do._

_"There's nothing to forgive," he repeated, looking at your gentle smile on your lips._

_"Of course." You gave a nod and you continued your work and Connor stayed silent the rest of the operation. Secretly glad that you decided to say nothing when your first name with no title left his mouth. Nor that his LED flashed with red for the tiniest of milliseconds._

He mustn't question. He can't. CyberLife  
is always watching. Connor must accomplish his mission from now on, he  _has_  to.

Once the Lieutenant got his food, Connor followed. Deciding to not comment on the exchange between the Lieutenant and the cook of the food truck. Seeing this as an opportunity to grow closer with his assigned partner, Connor asked him questions as he ate. Also giving him the same advice he gave you on eating certain things, unlike you though, the Lieutenant continued to eat despite Connor's mild look of disapproval. Then again, you're different from most humans.

The questions seem to be working, for he was opening up.

Connor tilted his head at him as he leaned his arms on the table.

"Is there anything you'd like to know about me?"

"Hell, no—" Anderson almost cut him off at the end of his sentence, with a tone like he was disgusted with the idea. "Well, yeah, um," He looked at him, putting his burger down for a moment as Connor waited patiently. "Why did they make you look so goofy and give you that weird voice?"

_Well then._

"CyberLife androids are designed to work harmoniously with humans. Both my appearance and voice were specifically designed to facilitate my integration."

He remember you having told him once you actually needed a little assistance in designing his skin. Thankfully there were numerous talented artists and designers, and you accepted his appearance. "You were perfect", he remembers you saying.

Anderson nodded, but then shook his head.

"Well, they fucked up." He commented bluntly, getting back to his burger.

The uncaring answer made Connor's LED blink yellow for a moment, and his programs to stir. He couldn't hold back from opening his mouth, even though he felt like he should've.

"Impossible," he said defensively. "My creator has never made a mistake for CyberLife in her life. She's the best of the best since Kamski. She's even his successor."

"Woah, woah, calm down." Anderson raised his hands as he held his burger in one, brows up and with a smirk. "The best huh? Well what's this fancy creator of yours that got your metal balls in a twist name?"

"Doctor (Y/N)."

He frowned, putting his hands down to hold his burger in both hands. "Doctor (Y/N)? That's a weird last name. Don't think I've heard of her. . ."

"That's not her last name," Connor corrected, although his brows furrowed, his programming going haywire. "it's her first. And that's not possible. She has helped create numerous android models for the benefit of CyberLife as well as create new biocomponents, specifically for my model included."

"Huh. Weird. You call her by her first name?" Anderson's smirk came back, it seems he was mocking him. "That's a disrespectful thing to do to your mom. Why don't you say her last name and see if it rings a bell?" He asked, taking a bite at his burger and arching a brow at him.

Connor frowned.

"She's not my mother. She's my creator." Anderson only shrugged and replied on what's the difference. "And her last name is—"

There was a problem.

Connor doesn't know your last name.

"I. . .I don't know." He answered, more bewildered then ever as circuits within his head felt like they were going haywire.

In fact, he's never found it in any database in him and every worker at CyberLife has always called you by your first. There, there has never been any trace of your last name. It's like, like you've only existed  _without_  a surname. But that's impossible. No one can exist with just a first name.

_No one._

How come he never took notice before? It's like. . . he was never supposed to. His LED flashed red.

Anderson frowned, but then rubbed his left temple.

"Agh, you somehow not knowing your creator's name is giving me a headache. Let's talk about something else before it becomes a migraine."

Connor swallowed, at a loss, but he did as the Lieutenant said. Until another case came within his system, he told Anderson he would wait in the car until he was done with his lunch to investigate.

All Connor could think about, LED now back to blue and programming as well circuits calmed as he sat in the car, was just how secretive you really are.

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

You hope Connor is okay.

You were laying upon your couch, playing with your tablet as well as at times glancing at your hard working laptop on your coffee table. Making sure everything was in order and that the hard drive would not have excess or needless files within it. Your cat upon your lap peacefully, you scratching the back of its ear absentmindedly as you worked, causing it to purr and sometimes release its nails out of happiness.

You wish it's expression of happiness wouldn't have to hurt you though, you thought, wincing but smiling as it's dug its claws through your pants for a moment before releasing. Thank goodness you have someone here at your house to take care of your cat.

The smell of (favorite food) wafted in the air, and it almost made you pause from your important work but all you did was smile at the newcomer with the delicious food, setting it on the table.

"You really should eat, (Y/N). You've been working for far too long without eating, that's not healthy. And aren't you on vacation?" The gentle voice questioned, blue eyes blinking at you in concern.

You turned your head towards her, stopping your hand motions on your tablet.

"Thanks for your concern, Chloe. I'll eat, don't worry." You put down your tablet as if to show, blue eyes brightening at you for listening. You rarely listen after all. Your cat jumped from you lap from the movement of you getting up. "And I'm just working on a personal project of mine. I have to perfect it."

You grabbed your plate and began to eat, no, swallow your favorite food making Chloe give a slight laugh.

"You're making a mess, (Y/N). Here," she handed you a napkin for you to grab and you did, giving a tired but grateful smile at her. You patted your hand to the spot next to you on the couch for her to sit, which she gracefully did as she examined your laptop screen.

Chloe is specifically a ST200 android, and you shared something with Kamski about being fond of Chloe. Although Kamski has the RT600 if you recall in his little hidden oasis. She has helped you throughout the years whenever things got too difficult as well as help take care of you and your cat. Your cat more though, since the past few months all you've been doing is be holed up in the CyberLife Tower due to them getting quite greedy of using you and that you did not want to stay too far away from Connor should anything happen.

_Connor. . ._

Is he working okay with the Lieutenant? Have they become good partners? Has he listened to you so far? Has he heeded your words? Does him even listening to you cause anything to be different?

You don't know what this ra9 is planning. At least, not yet. You glanced at your hard drive in your computer, eyes unreadable.

"Chloe."

The beautiful hostess android blinked, turning away from your laptop to look at with a tilted head and a kind smile.

"Yes?"

You put your plate down, then putting your elbows on your knees, hands interlocked together as you leaned forward with your mouth hidden as you stared at your laptop.

"Have you been able to reach your fellow model? I know it's sometimes difficult but any information could be useful to me. Your connectivity is far away, but it should not hinder you too much for your sync networks to go offline. At least, when she's at work."

The blonde closed her eyes for a moment, eyes flickering behind her lids as her LED turned yellow.

"The RK200 has found Jericho successfully, but he's. . . still lost. The AX400 and YK500 escaped from being captured by DPD but they're. . ." She opened her blue eyes, wide-eyed and scared. Not good. "T—they're, they're in trouble. . . They need help! A bad human has them."

"Tch. . .damn it." You cursed, scowling deeply and tightening your interlocked fingers. "I can't do anything about them Chloe, they're in it's hands now. The only thing I've done so far successfully is Jericho."

Chloe fully turned her body towards you, blue eyes shaking. "But—I— isn't there—?" She stopped, and let out a breath. "I—I'm really glad everything you've done (Y/N). You didn't have to create that map that leads to a solace for androids but you did. "

You didn't move, eyes faraway and in thought as your eyes turned towards your hard drive. A soft touch to your shoulder made you look at Chloe, who was giving you a shining thankful smile.

"You didn't have to do anything for us androids, but you did." She continued, ever so thankful. It touched your heart, it made you think you were actually  _doing_  something. "I don't care for what reason you're doing this, I just want you to know that I'm forever thankful towards you. And once everything is done, I'm sure others of my kind will thank you too."

You stared at her for a moment, blinking your eyes. And then you turned away, making sure your expression was hidden from her.

"I did whatever I could for all of you. I don't care what anyone says," you turned back towards her, (e/c) eyes hard, " _all_  of you are real to me. All of you will always be real to me. I just wish. . ."

You stopped, biting your lip and looking down.

_I just wish it will see it too._

"Well, let's hope everything is good with Connor right?" Chloe commented, hoping to bring your mood up by mentioning the advanced prototype android.

Your lips twitched upwards.

_Connor, you've been good so far. You haven't failed me yet. Please, Connor. Don't go. Don't forget. I beg of you. You have to pick your side soon, Connor. Please, please choose correctly._

_Don't leave,_ you thought, holding back tears as you shook. Chloe only being able to rub your back soothingly.

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

He. . . he  _failed._

That was the first thing Connor thought, after the events of Eden Club. He thought earlier that day, when he was trying to capture the android that was holed up in that bird filled apartment, that he would catch it. That he would catch that deviant and everything would be alright.

Yes, Connor left Hank dangling on the ledge, but the percentage of him getting himself up was so high he did not find it necessary to lift him up.

He must solve his mission. He has to.

_"For me. Avoid death at all costs. Accomplish missions without you sacrificing your life."_

That's what you said. He has to accomplish his missions, Amanda is watching. CyberLife is watching. She's already expressed her disappointment at him.

For  _failing_.

He's not supposed to fail, he has to succeed. He's the most advanced prototype model released by CyberLife, why is he failing? Is something wrong with him?

Connor refused to believe that you made him defective somehow. That's impossible. Highly improbable. You're the best. The best that CyberLife has.

_And yet, living without a surname is also impossible._

Each time Connor thought that, his programs would stir.

Hank wasn't receptive of him leaving him dangling, despite him successfully cornering the deviant android. He slapped him. Hard. Connor knew it was hard since Hank managed to almost make him fall over due to the hit despite him not having pain receptors. With the violent distraction, the deviant jumped from the roof. Removing all chances of getting answers from it.

He's sure that his relationship with the Lieutenant just went back down. And he thought it was improving too.

And then the case for Eden Club came in.

Connor wasn't going to fail this time, he was determined he wasn't. No hesitation.

Connor recalled when himself and Hank entered the front doors of the sex club, he began to examine one of the Traci's with a tilt of his head.

He couldn't help but compare the Traci with you, chocolate eyes analyzing.

The android was sculpted for perfection, the perfect body with all the correct curves and a symmetrical pretty face for one to look at. The perfect partner, Connor observed, as she gave a twirl for him with a mischievous smile.

You however, had (body flaw), (skin color), (body type), and (face features). You were nothing like the Traci. Anything but really. Connor continued to stare at the Traci model, then looked down with a frown, LED yellow.

He wishes you were here. You'd be able to help and solve this case immediately. You, who would always smile at him kindly. Giving him soft touches and obnoxious laughter for him to feel and hear. You have never hit him. Not once. To you, he was never a thing.

Never.

_"You'll never be nothing to me, Connor. Never."_

You'd know exactly what to do. You may confuse him at times, causing his programming and circuits to stir or work faster, but you've always been dependable. You always had the answers to his questions.

_I wish you were here, (Y/N)._

"Connor! The fuck are you doing?!" Hank yelled, looking back at him by the second entrance. Connor glanced away from the Traci, face indifferent.

"Coming, Lieutenant."

That Traci has nothing on you. Of that he's sure. LED now back to calm blue.

He and Hank eventually found who the killer was, and as he was fighting them off, he admits he got distracted once more. Even at a time as critical as an android with a screwdriver in their hand ready to stab him with.

_"Just in case anything happens during your missions, if there's an injury or a needed biocomponent to be replaced," you put a hand to your chest, "come to me."_

With his thoughts in disarray, LED yellow, the android managed to get him at his diaphragm with the screwdriver. Thankfully it wasn't a critical biocomponent so he just continued fighting them off with the help of Hank, once they reached outside, that's when everything went downhill as they say.

Connor had the deviant in his sights. He  _had_  them.

But as he looked at the couple, who were trying so hard to leave and escape without them having to heavily injure himself or Hank, he couldn't. He just couldn't.

He  _failed_.

That's all he thought as he let them go, LED yellow, the couple climbing up the fence to leave, with Hank not protesting one bit. He didn't even look disappointed at the outcome.

In fact, his partner looked glad it came out the way it did. Hank glancing at him and saying,

"It's probably better this way. . ."

He then walked away, as if it was nothing.

_Would you be disappointed in me? I'm supposed to be accomplishing my missions but I'm failing. . ._

Connor then glanced at his abdomen, spotting his white dress shirt being stained with blue. He has to tell Hank that he'll be meeting you for repairs.

Maybe then you could answer his questions.

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

**_This chapter was a whoozy. XD_ **

**_The both of you were supposed to meet here, but then I suddenly got that flashback idea and I couldn't help myself._ **

**_The mystery about you deepens. What's ra9? You created the map to Jericho?_ **

**_What's happening?_ **

**_Man, I don't know. I'm just going wherever my mind takes me. XD_ **

**_Please comment and vote~_ **

**_If you see a mistake, feel free to correct me~_ **


	5. ◎ⅆefend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Music: https://youtu.be/QnA5xPYYVYk

"Oh, hi Connor! Are you—wait, come in. You're bleeding. Let's fix that up, shall we?"

You accepted him easily into your home at 10 PM, eyes filled with concern as you stared at his abdomen to look at his wound.

You immediately getting to work as you laid him on your guest room bed, a single operating machine in the room to assist you if needed. With a ST200 by your heels, ready to get whatever supplies you would ask for if it needed to leave the room.

Connor arrived after explaining to Hank he would be meeting his creator for repairs, the Lieutenant shrugging off the information. Him muttering that he needs to buy a few drinks at the store anyways, so Connor just called the automatic taxi to take him to your modest home.

It wasn't anything grand, but it was better then most. A two story house with (favorite design) and offhand decorations within. You barely have any furniture within your house, Connor observed, but he has no right to judge on your house decorator side. He is mildly surprised, however, that you hold an android within your house.

You always spoke of how badly humans treated their androids, so he rationalized that attitude as you not believing in having androids as servants. But he was wrong.

 _That's the only thing I've been doing lately, being wrong,_ he thought bitterly.

It's of no consequence however, you have your reasons for doing every action that you do. He admittedly questions some(most) of them but he believes that you always determine whatever is best. Connor also believes that you probably thought that you having an android compared to someone else, it'd be best if it was you. You've been kind to all androids within the Tower, as well as outside of it when they used to be on their outings.

You've always been kind.

"So Connor," you stated with a polite smile, standing over him as you carefully took out plate where his abdomen was to reach in for the damages biocomponent. Chloe absent due to her getting items you needed. "How has the investigation been going? Any progress with it? Or just progress with the Lieutenant? I hope he hasn't been too harsh on you because of his past."

"There has. . . been a wall that me and Lieutenant Anderson can't get over. With both the investigation and our partnership." Connor replied, eyes flicking down as your hand carefully moved within him. Always so careful. "Although it appears that the Lieutenant is slowly getting used to my presence, despite everything. He did not exactly appreciate the fact that I left him dangling on a ledge despite him having an 89% survival rate of him lifting himself up when I was chasing a deviant android."

You released a small chuckle, his brown eyes flicking towards your expression to spot your amusement as you were putting in the new biocomponent within his abdomen. Now running tests with your tablet to successfully configurate the component as well as see if it runs smoothly.

"Yes, well. We humans like to be comforted constantly, even though sometimes it appears it shouldn't be needed. We just like to reminded someone has our back, you know? It makes us," you paused for a moment, finger in the air above your tablet, seeming to contemplate on the correct way to explain it to him. For him to understand. But Connor feels like he does.

_Connor stared at you, seemingly to attempt to hide your broken expression from him. Trying to hide you were unaffected by his words that he was not alive, that he cannot die. It was silent, and then something moved in him to  release his clean and ironed tie you gave him with his new uniform after the Hostage mission and giving it to you. You blinked and took it, but he already pointedly looked away as he examined your life's work. Impressed by it._

_"Your ducts were releasing water. I'm not a caretaker or an AX400, but I hope that will do in comforting you."_

_He answered your silent question smoothly. And he did not look up again until he knew your emotions calmed within you and felt better._

He  _finally_  understands something that you're saying. Connor felt something swell in his chest, perhaps a simulation of pride from within.

"It just makes us feel special somehow," you continued, smile ever so polite, you continuing your work that's taking longer then usual. But Connor saw that familiar glint of gentleness within your orbs that you were trying to hide. From Amanda no doubt. Connor feels like you shouldn't hide, he trusts Amanda and her words. She wouldn't do anything to you if you treated him like before."We humans like to feel such things. That's just how we are. Does that answer your question, Connor?"

Connor stared at your polite smile.

 _Not smile,_  he corrected from within. He gave you a nod.

"Yes, there's also been raising questions that I can't help but inquire to myself as we investigate."

Your brows furrowed, looking up for a moment from your tablet.

"You seem troubled, Connor. What sort of questions?"

His own brows furrowed deeply, and he debated on what to say to you. The investigation has been going nowhere so far, questions arising instead of answers. Answers that he has to find. Answers that he  _needs_  to find for CyberLife. For Amanda. He's already been disappointing her as of late and the failure of the Eden Club will only heighten her disappointment of him once he gives his report after this. She will ask questions that he won't know the answer to, because he doesn't.

Why did he let that deviant couple go?

 _I can't ask you do that,_ he thought, LED yellow.  _You'd be disappointed in me. I'm failing my missions. I can't fail my missions, you didn't make me this way. Why would that question be the first that comes up within my mind that is filled with circuit boards, wires, programming, and processors when there are more pressing questions?_

Connor is getting a sense that you being disappointed in him would be more jeopardizing then Amanda. Jeopardizing how, he can't say.

He doesn't know what to say.

"Take your time, Connor." You interrupted his thoughts, and he didn't realize his face was morphed deeply into a frown until you spoke. His brows rose, and his eyes looked back towards you once more. When doesn't his eyes look back at you?

"Well," he began, eyes to the ceiling and away from your form as you put back his metal panel for his abdomen using your operating(rather production) machine, "the first case that me and Lieutenant Anderson worked on together involved a deviant murdering its owner. It had this obsession with this symbol, ra9."

Your finger tapped against the machine, an unsteady rhythm as you released a hum. Watching over the production machine as it was finishing up.

"Once we found it and took it into custody, he never released information about the symbols it drew all over the shower walls of the bathroom." Connor continued, forehead creasing as he thought back. "Before it left for   
it cell and terminated himself, however, it left a cryptic message for me: 'The truth is inside.'"

"He killed himself?" You shook your head, sighing and did not stop your tapping. "Shame."

Connor didn't bother to correct you and how you address androids. He's tried to do it before months back but you never listen, so he just kept laying out to you on each case. About how the house of where AX400 and YK500 stayed, held another android, a WR600, who also had this obsession with the mysterious symbol. He then moved onto the deviant who hoarded pigeons within the apartment, the most gripping one with evidence Connor analyzed.

"This deviant, not only had this obsession with ra9, but also of these elaborate labyrinths." Your tapping paused for a moment but then continued, the ST200 coming into the room for a moment to hand you a bottled container, one of your many hard drives, and your laptop. It stayed to the side, by the door dutifully. "They were all over the walls of the apartment, each one appearing unique to the other. Those same labyrinths were found within its diary that was hidden in a hole of a wall, behind a poster. The diary is most likely encrypted due to the amount of details as well as various symbols within." Connor summarized, a hint of uncertainty in his tone.

The evidence that each case brought up for ra9 were incomprehensible to him, not logical therefore unable to perfectly construct on who exactly ra9. Or what. All Connor has observed and concluded is that the deviant androids Class 4 Errors probably ran deeper than CyberLife could've predicted.

For it appears that machines are making up myths.

"What happened to this deviant? Did it terminate itself too? Oh, and drink this. It's thirium to help replace the blood you lost." You handed the bottled container to him that the ST200 gave you moments before, and he took it without question, sitting up from the bed and placing his feet on the ground. He unclasped the lid and took a few sips, and the taste felt much more potent and rich then other thirium he has ever tasted.

"This thirium has a unique taste to it compared to any other I've come across." Connor noted, looking at the liquid within the container critically as he scanned.

"Good job on catching it, Connor. And unique as in bad or good? I tried my best at not changing the original ingredients of Thirium 310, but a few had to be done so the circulation would be more," you grinned sheepishly, continuing to tap on the production machine by the bed in an off rhythm. "Well, enhancing. Since that's what it's gonna do for you. The other ingredients within this Thirium 310 will help your circulation flow much easier as well as equip you with more resilience, therefore, energy to do tasks such as chasing or fighting."

His wide eyes went towards you so fast and his brows went so far up Connor is sure the synthetic skin of his forehead had wrinkles, LED yellow.

"You, you made new thirium?"

Your grin widened. All Connor could do was stare at you, jaw slack.

 _This, this here proves it._ He thought, his processors going in a sort of manic state within his head. His database showing him the multitude of ingredients of the scanned Thirium 310, but he must've hit a wall for he couldn't correctly grab the data. Your thirium. You made new blue blood.  _You are the perfect successor for Kamski. No. Even better. You are truly the best. It's impossible for others to think otherwise._

"Did you already test it out with another android? Or am I your first?"

You released a small chuckle, moving to sit next to him on the bed a few inches apart.

"You're a first for me in many things, Connor. But this isn't one of them." Your tone was joking, but he didn't get the joke so he just ignored it as he looked at you, LED blue. Noticing how your demeanor slightly changed.

You placed your hand on his shoulder, your index finger still tapping. You must be anxious. You're letting your guard down after all in front of him, despite your awareness of Amanda watching. Perhaps you thought your caution was misplaced?

"I tested it out with other androids to make sure it wouldn't cause harm to their selectors and biocomponents as well as do various physical checks and assessments to evaluate on their improvements." You explained eagerly. "They did. Improve I mean. The thirium can also help read one's own diagnosis, stress levels for example. For injuries." You clarified, then motioning to the bottle in his hand, you signaling for him to finish it. Which he did, you staring as your finger continued to tap on his arm. Perhaps it's a nervous tick you've gained due to your work, this certainly explains why he barely saw you for a month and a half. Clearly busy and working on new improvements for CyberLife.

_Maybe with this, I won't fail._

Once done, he placed the empty bottle on the nightstand by him, only for the ST200 to pick it and giving him a polite smile before it went out the room to throw the bottle away.

Connor's lips lifted, brows still up. "This truly is an outstanding achievement, Doctor (Y/N). Not many can have a creative mind such as yours and actually put action towards their ideas. Nor could they possibly have such mental strength either."

"I—" your hand fell from his arm, warmth following it and you turned your head to the side. "Thank you, Connor. I. . . I don't know what to say." Your face turned back towards him, head tucked into your chest. He observed your cheeks were colored all of a sudden. Were you flustered? He was merely stating facts to you, there's no need for embarrassment.

His creator is certainly the best. Connor's lips curved more and your lips parted at the sight.

You stood up, moving towards a table across from their side of the bed, back towards him as you looked at your laptop. Connor's lips fell.

_Why did you get up?_

"You never got the chance to answer my question, Connor. What happened to that deviant you were talking about earlier?" You questioned, tone back to polite.

_It seems you will continue the formal charade for Amanda after all._

His LED turned yellow for a moment, his frown deepening before he smoothed it to his neutral expression as he explained to you about the bird hoarding deviant's fate, you typing away upon your laptop as he began to fiddle with his coin. As well as adding the exact reaction Anderson had when he left them on that ledge for his mission.

_I can not fail. I can not._

Right when he explained that however, your body whirled to him, face set.

"He did  _what_?" Your expression soon turned into a hard scowl, and you sauntered towards him. Causing Connor to stop moving around his coin.

You were. . . heavily displeased to put it lightly.

Your hands went back to his shoulders, face inches apart from his own.

"He hit you?! In the face? Did you explain to him your readings?"

Connor blinked at you, brows furrowed.

"I attempted. But Doctor (Y/N), didn't you explain earlier to me that humans like the feeling of being comforted? I was in the wrong with the Lieutenant."

If possible, your face hardened even further. Hands clenched on his shoulders.

"Yeah, but that was before you told me he hit you. I thought it was just him yelling or something like that. He shouldn't have done that." You had a glint in your eyes, and not quite the normal determined one you have. This glint, his social feature hinted, was a dangerous one. "He hurt you, Connor."

Now, normally Connor would just ignore these words. He's tried to correct you before on countless things but you never listen. Maybe that's why he tends to at times ignore the Lieutenant's own orders. He learned it from you. Nonetheless, this isn't normal.

_CyberLife is watching._

He grabbed a hand atop his shoulder, and carefully removed it as he stared at your angered expression that was turning bewildered. He kept their hands between them.

"I," he said clearly, "am a machine. It is impossible for me to get hurt for I don't feel pain. I never will. You're already aware of this, Doctor (Y/N)."

"Connor, stop with that or I'll—"

He squeezed your hand with his, causing you to stop and look at him. Really look at him instead of having your emotions blind you.

_You've always been kind._

Connor made sure to give his best warning look to you, as he grasped your hand between his, squeezing but not too hard. He wants to be gentle, like how you're always gentle with him. With light touches and equally light laughs.

Your eyes swam with understanding, causing you to look down at their conjoined hands. Your other hand joined in, and you squeezed. Connor leaned his head forward to see your expression.

"Right." You choked, "I guess I forgot for a moment." You released your hold on his hand, and he placed it back on his side as you did the same, head down.

He wished he didn't see your face.

It was pained. It was difficult for you to admit that his words were true, for you've always denied. It looked so hurt, you were so hurt at the mere thought of you agreeing that he was just a machine. You, brown eyes glanced down at your hands that were shaking slightly, you  _hated_  this.

But, he's only helping you. You must keep your mask of professionalism towards androids, that's what you wish so that's what he'll do.

Anything for his creator. For you.

Connor just wishes that you didn't look so lost.

 _You'll be killed by your own kindness one day,_ Connor thought as he walked out of your house since the repair was successful. Getting ready to meet the Lieutenant once more.  _But I will be there to help you avoid it._

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

"I'll kill him, Chloe." You stated for the nth time that day as you paced agitatedly around the room of your living room, TV on the background with Chloe watching you, blue eyes filled with concern. "I swear I will, that Lieutenant better watch himself and have cameras all over his house in addition to extra security for him to be safe from me."

Were you angry?

Oh yes.

Were you peeved?

Oh,  _definitely_  yes.

Were you absolutely positively filled with an unending rage that can only end with knocking a certain man's teeth out?

 _Yes_.

"(Y/N), please calm down! You're stressing yourself too much and making me nervous for you." Chloe cried out towards you, clearly the embodiment of anxiousness in her normally kind and easy face.

Ever since last night, thoughts such as this came upon you. And you couldn't help but to release to Chloe, who was always there and ready to listen with an open ear and attentive capturing blue eyes. You're glad that she's with you, you wouldn't have been able to handle all of this by yourself.

Not all this information you have in your head. Not the acute awareness that everything you could do can equal next to nothing in the long run. Not all the secrets you keep so close to the chest, they might as all have been one within you and that you are actually Harpocrates—the Greek god of silence, secrets and confidentiality.

_I am Cassandra. I am Harpocrates. What else shall I slowly realize that I'm becoming? That I will become an actual god?_

You do not enjoy the feeling of lying.

Especially to Connor.

"I can't help it, Chloe." You sighed, still pacing, hands waving in the air as erratic thoughts ran through your head. "What he did to Connor last night, I mean, pulling a gun on him?! Who does that?! I didn't think he would, I thought he wouldn't. Why would he?!"

Chloe walked forward and touched your arm, rubbing it soothingly.

"'Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge.' That's by Plato. Perhaps Hank just wanted to see, to  _understand_  just on what Connor would say. Like how Connor always tries to understand."

You glared at her with no heat.

"That's not, that's not fair, Chloe! Connor is different! I don't care what your reasons are, you don't threaten your  _partner_  that you'll shoot him!" You shouted, raising your hands in the air at the ridiculousness of it all. Making Chloe's hand drop along with her face. "Especially when he can't even defend himself! Not only aren't androids allowed to have a gun, but he was given orders to follow the Lieutenant. He wouldn't have been able to raise a hand even if he wanted to!"

Lying is a tool that must be used, but you knew of Connor's ability to spot a lie. He can easily spot if your stress levels are above average. You created him, so you know his features best. You know how they work, how it flows with information of different kinds. Just how much the blood within him that happens to be a tantalizing blue flows within, information and energy as it pumps in his synthetic veins.

So, what is best to hide lies?

With truth.

That thirium you created, well, the type of thirium per se, not exactly the element. You're not that much of a genius. You just added a few ingredients, different from the Thirium 310 that's inside any other android.

With the added ingredients, ones that would normally kill a man if ingested, do in fact help enhance an android's abilities. You did so many tests to check, to conclude that it is safe but that it was also useful to you.

The other models of the Connor series may not have been ready in your personal and fully emotional opinion, but damn it are you grateful that you've found a way to use them to protect your Connor. The current one.

You gave each one your special form and adaptation of Thirium 310(you really should make up a name for it, maybe 317?) for them to ingest and tested them to the max in a spare floor of where the warehouses are within the Tower. Resilience, speed, strength, able to read and process information as fast as 50 Ghz are a few of the enhances achieved. But the one that you need, the reason you worked so hard in the first place, is making the android's own stress and heart levels be read by others.

Of course, to do that, you had to research on nanomedicine and do countless tests that were repeatedly inconclusive as a result of you trying to create a correct program with layers and layers of firewalls as well as a version of onion routing. It was so androids themselves cannot sense they have a little mini bot of their own that will constantly give you information via your laptop in addition to having a tracker in it.

The amount of work you had to go through was not easy. Nor allow you to have much time to sleep.

You gave out a sigh, finally caused your body to tire itself out as you moved to throw yourself on your (sofa type) couch in front of the TV, trying to take in the news but unable to as a result of your mind always having to be working and thinking.

While you were operating on Connor, you took your time in doing so. Mostly because you were checking over the biocomponent in your hand and see if the auditory receptor chip was working that you placed. It was, that's how you heard a click of a gun and Hank's voice in the first place and all you could do is rage at home like a wild animal. Unable to do anything without revealing on how you knew.

One can say you were very protective of Connor. Perhaps too much.

And you would reply everything that you do will never be enough.

Even though you desperately wish that your own choices matter, that everything you do for everyone has mattered and not have been vain. You wish that Connor will see one day. That he will understand.

_Please let him understand._

That Connor will pick a side, and  _know_ that he is what you've always tried to tell him.

You also wish, what you always wish in the back of your mind, in the beating of your heart, and the treacherous breaking piece of your soul, is that he will forgive you.

_Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me._

You say it like a mantra everyday. You hope that he will.

Chloe went to sit beside you, arms open. You took the invitation and buried yourself into her shoulder. Hugging her tightly as your face was hidden.

_ra9, damn you. Damn this life I have. Damn this curse of knowledge I've been given. Damn everything to hell! Damn this love I hold. Damn everything that has ever happened to me that has cause me to become this shell of a human._

Tears left your face and you sobbed, and Chloe could only cry with you, feeling as helpless as you to heal your hurt.

_Forgive me, Connor. Please. Forgive me of my lies and my secrets. You're not ready. Not yet. Ask the right questions, Connor. Please. You only have to ask and I will break before you like I always have, you curious dork._

You were so lost.

When will you finally be found?

The TV news reporter continued to talk about the android infiltration within the Stratford Tower and about the beautiful speech delivered by a certain RK200 model with the name Markus that was broadcasted earlier today. But you couldn't care for it, as choked sobs left the back of your throat and you heard sniffles of the caring Chloe as she could only whisper sweet nothings to you as comfort. Both of you already aware of such things.

Your laptop screen flashed with a message, all in red, atop your coffee table. Your eyes glancing at it only for it to widen as shock ran through you.

***CONNOR STRESS LEVELS HIGH***  
***EMOTIONAL SHOCK DETECTED***

_No. . .Connor!_

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

**_Gotta admit, not my favorite chapter to write. This, in my opinion, hasn't been my best. ^.^'_ **

**_But I decided to push forward and publish it anyways!_ **

**_As you can see, the reader is...more manipulative then one might think. As well as controlling. But hey, who wouldn't in her shoes?_ **

**_Yes, Connor touched Simon. Yikes._ **

**_Connor is starting to feel things! Slowly! Ever so slowly. So slow it's actually killing me._ **

**_Next chapter involves You finding Connor after the incident. And Kamski._ **

**_Secrets are slowly showing themselves._ **

**_If there's mistakes, correct me please!_ **

**_Please comment and vote as well!_ **  
**_^/////^ Thank you~_ **


	6. ◎Ⅎeel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Music: https://youtu.be/m0-2Tqs1qsU

You ran as fast as you could, making sure he was correctly in that location using your tablet as you took an automatic taxi. You ignored the weird looks you were getting at the station lobby, because you only cared for one person in this whole damn place and damn it Connor  _needs_  you!

You stopped in front of the reception desk, placing your equipment bag on top perhaps a bit too hard. The Reception Android blinked at you and you interrupted it before it got a word in.

"I am looking for Lieutenant Anderson and the prototype android they sent here for the deviant investigation. I must see them." You demanded, jaw tight. Uncaring. You were normally more kind to other androids, but!

But!

Connor needs you! Where is he? Where is  _he_?! Is he alright? Please let him be alright. You won't be able to take it. You  _can't_  take it.

_Damn ra9 to hell and back if it hurt my Connor intentionally. Damn this. Connor!_

Your hands shook atop the reception desk, but your hand tightened to hide it as you took a small breath to calm yourself. Perhaps Chloe should've come too. But someone has to take care of your cat.

"I see. Do you have authorization?" The ST300 smiled at you warmly but all you did was quickly take out your CyberLife ID card impatiently and handed it to her, her scanning it now no doubt in her hand.

"I am a CyberLife programmer that created the advanced prototype RK800 that is helping in this investigation." You said tightly. " _Please,_ I saw on the news about the recent broadcast that a group of androids planned in Stratford Tower. The RK800 may have been—" Hurt, you want to say. "—damaged when it was investigating the area."

For a moment, the android's LED turned yellow. You thought you got through to her but she just shook her head at you, smiling apologetically as she motioned for you to take back your card.

"I'm sorry, there wasn't any news of your arrival. I'm afraid I won't be able to let you through unless—"

You reached out and grabbed her outstretched hand, her LED blinked yellow once more.

You stared into her bewildered eyes, pleading as you squeezed.

" _Please_. The model—he's, he's a friend. I need to see that he's alright. I  _need_  to."

Her LED processed yellow, her brows deeply furrowed as she looked at their hands and back up at you. The ST300 cleared her throat unnecessarily, and gave a small smile, taking back her hand with your ID. She made another scan and handed it back to you.

"My apologies. It seems I made a mistake." She motioned her head at the clear doors to the right, LED back to blue. "Feel free to go in. They're trying to find more evidence at the moment."

You grabbed your ID and your equipment bag, and gave the most grateful look you could muster in your anxious state.

" _Thank you_."

You then turned towards the doors, not being able to see the bewildered ST300's look nor how she clenched her hand that you grabbed, her programs still stirring at your touch. You walked through the doors, the security guard letting you in since you passed the android's check in despite the little stir you caused when came in here running. Once you went through the doors, you ignored the curious looks sent your way, and surveyed the room.

You spotted a head of perfectly kept brown hair and a familiar pressed android jacket, back facing towards you as he sat on a desk looking down. You immediately moved forward, nerves fueling you. Secretly glad the Lieutenant was nowhere in sight since you weren't sure what will happen, for you noticed something.

He never looks down doing nothing. Connor is simply not like that.

His head moved up as you approached, turning towards you and you noticed his hands had that coin you gave him months ago. Must've been fiddling with it. It seems so long ago, the first time you gave him that. Connor giving you that confused pout when you handed it to him, you smiling gently at him.

_Where has the time gone, Connor?_

Brown chocolate eyes blinked at you, head tilting with LED yellow as he stood up from his chair, coin back in pocket.

"Doctor (Y/N)? I—we weren't expecting you. What are you doing here? Does this have something to do with CyberLife?" He asked, curious. But you spotted something in his tone. Something that shouldn't have been there. Never.

Fear.

You swallowed, holding back from bringing him into your arms and whispering comforting words into his ears. You miss holding him. It kills you each time that you must hold back from touching him too familiarly, afraid of what CyberLife could do or might say. You just want to hug him tightly, to take him far, far away from here. Far from this place that is forcing Connor to make choices that aren't even controlled by him.

You forced a smile on your face, Connor glancing at it for a moment before moving back up to your eyes, LED still yellow.

"Hi, Connor. I'm here to see if everything is alright, for myself. I'm not here on behalf of CyberLife." Your perceptive eyes noticed that Connor's shoulder relaxed just a pinch. No one else would've caught it, but you did. You always pay attention to Connor after all. "I saw the news and, well, it sounded like there was some trouble. . .?"

You weren't lying, not really. The news did cover there was a shootout on the roof of Stratford Tower, a stray Android that was left behind by the original group. But that wasn't the reason you were here. Your readings from the nanobot inside him deeply disturbed you, everything too high and you can tell from looking at him right now that something was bothering him. His face looked too pinched for your liking, and brown eyes that are usually wide or focused look faraway. His LED was still yellow too.

"I. . . see." He said, needlessly fixing the cuffs of his jacket and you wonder if he actually sees anything at all. "The situation at Stratford Tower was handled accordingly. There was a—a deviant up on the roof. Wounded. Once we found it hiding in a bin, it started shooting wildly and managed to catch me on my right shoulder." Your eyes glanced at where he said, there was still blue blood and a hole in his jacket. Why didn't he contact you that he needed repairs? You frowned. Good thing you brought a few biocomponents in your bag. And clothes.

"A shootout then occurred," he continued summarizing, "but I was afraid that the soldiers would terminate the deviant and therefore not be able find valuable information that it would have. So I—I—"

"Hey, Connor! I'm back, sorry I took so long, fuckin' coffee machine was going haywire on me so—who the hell is this?" A haggard man with grey hair reaching his chin walked towards them with face contorted to a frown, a cup of coffee in hand. This was the Lieutenant. "Were you telling a civilian information about our case? You know we can't— what are you doing?"

As he was talking, you put your bag and ID down, walked towards him and grabbed his coffee cup and put it down on the desk that was next to them.

You then swung your backhand and slapped the Lieutenant, causing his face to turn to the side.

If people weren't looking at you now, they definitely were. All eyes were on you from every officer in the room, you thought you heard a rambunctious laugh from across the room but you only kept your narrowed eyes on the man before you who put a hand to his reddening cheek.

"Doctor (Y/N)—" Connor began, in shock but was interrupted.

"What the  _fuck_?! What was that for?!" The Lieutenant yelled, putting his hand down and glaring you. You glaring right back.

"That was for willingly damaging  _my_  android, you dirty man!" You retorted. "What kind of person are you that hits someone that's just trying to do their job?!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?! Who are you?! Are you talking about Connor?"

"Doctor (Y/N)," Connor interjected weakly, putting a hand to your tense shoulder. "I don't think this is a good idea nor necessary. Perhaps we should just—"

"Yes, I'm talking about Connor." You answered tensely at the Lieutenant, too angry for you to reply to Connor. The man in front of you  _hurt_  him. He pulled a  _gun_  on Connor. He  _chose_ to do that, no one else. "What were you  _thinking_? Hitting him? Or were you even thinking at all in that alcohol induced brain of yours?"

The Lieutenant scowled deeply, his eyes then glancing down at your stuff that you put down on Connor's desk.

"You're one of those CyberLife assholes I see. Let me guess, you're that famous creator that Connor can't shut up about? Funny how I never even heard of you." He sneered.

You felt Connor release your shoulder and move to stand next to both you and the Lieutenant, now looking at the man with a frown.

"Lieutenant, that's uncalled for. We really should move to another room—"

"Well, well, well. What do we got here?" A new voice came forth, highly amused.

The three of you turned towards the newcomer, who was sauntering at them with an arrogant look in his youthful face. You heard the Lieutenant curse and saw Connor's eyes flick to the side at you before looking back up, moving his body slightly to be in front of you. You blinked at the movement, and it's hidden meaning.

"Looks like you finally pissed someone off so much they gave you a pimp slap, Lieutenant." The newcomer smirked at the man before turning towards you, motioning his head. "What'd you do to this little lady, huh? Got a little too drunk like always and got rough?"

Your lips turned down.

_Trash._

"Doctor (Y/N) is a renown programmer and engineer over at CyberLife." Connor answered, LED blue. "She is just here to check me over for my damages I sustained when the Lieutenant and I were investigating the Stratford Tower."

"Beat it, Reed," Lieutenant Anderson said, annoyed. "This ain't any of your damn business. Go be an asshole somewhere else, we don't have time for any of your shit."

The man named Reed laughed, it sounded eerily familiar. This must've been the man who laughed so loudly when you hit the Lieutenant.

 _There's trash everywhere,_ you observed with an internal scowl as Reed spoke again, eyes on you in interest despite Connor's body being slightly in front of you.

"So you're a person from CyberLife, huh?" Reed asked, a sardonic smirk on his lips. He jutted his thumb towards Connor. "Tell me this then, are machines really going to replace us all? Even the police? Plastic pricks everywhere while we are left out to dry?"

You moved forward at his comment, anger coming twofold but Connor's arm stopped you. You side glanced at him, seeing that his brown eyes flicked down worriedly towards you before giving a meaningful look towards the Lieutenant which he caught.

"I suggest for you to get out of here Reed before you get yourself your own slap across the face. It seems our infamous CyberLife Doc here don't take kindly to disrespect towards her children." The Lieutenant said sarcastically, crossing his arms and leaning against the corner of his desk. Connor sighed.

"That's because you hit someone that was just trying to catch a deviant!" You argued, moving a step closer despite Connor's arm pressing against your chest. "Why would you hit Connor when he was just trying to accomplish his mission? Or are you so used to doing everything half-assed Lieutenant?"

Reed whistled as the Lieutenant stood up once more, pointing at you erratically despite Connor's advice for them to stop.

"Don't give me that shit! And Jesus! Does Connor here always tell his life story towards you, mother dearest? Just looking at you is giving me a fucking migraine!" The Lieutenant went to rub the bridge of his nose, face in a scowl. "And what do you know anyways? How would you feel if someone left you dangling off a ledge of a building?"

Everyone around you is really pissing you off. They just don't get it. They'll  _never_  get it.

"Lieutenant Anderson! This needs to stop, and how many times do I have to tell you that Doctor (Y/N) isn't—"

"Oh yeah?" You glared, (e/c) eyes in slits. "Well, if you were asking the right questions instead of just immediately raging like a drunk bull then you would have found out that you would've been fine if Connor left you there to catch a deviant or not! He didn't have a choice! And you're here aren't you?"

"Damn," Reed cursed, a shit eating grin on his face as he looked between you and the Lieutenant who put his hand down to glare right back at you, "this is way better then I thought."

". . . Oh. I get it now." The Lieutenant's lips turned up, but you could tell it was just for show. "Guess I can't blame Connor for how detached he sometimes is, I could all blame that all on  _you_. The parents are always at fault for how people turn out."

"Lieutenant—!"

Your eyes widened then quickly went to slits. As the old saying goes, you  _will_  hit a bitch.

"Excuse me?! Are you calling Connor a mistake now?!"

"Doctor—!"

"I didn't say that! You fuckin did!" Anderson shouted, stepping closer to you."I mean, what kind of person says he doesn't have a choice on what he did! I mean he didn't shoot that—"

"Hank! (Y/N)! I said  _enough_!" Connor commanded, his body fully between you and the Lieutenant, expression tight with LED flashing yellow. He glanced between the two of you, jaw clenched. "That is enough. Both of you."

You don't. . .you don't recall a time where Connor ever yelled at you, although you've seen him do it to others if the situation called for it due to his adaptability feature. You glanced at him, jaw slacking at when you caught his eyes, he looked away quickly.

You felt shame course through you.

_Forgive me, Connor. I've failed you more then I thought._

Wait a minute. . . That's the second time he's called you by your name and not your title the first time was when you were having an anxiety attack, when he was comforting you like the Android he is. Is Connor, is he. . .?

"What has been going on over here that has all of you standing there like dipshits?" A tall man came rushing out of the Captain's office, must be Captain Fowler. Immediately the officers who were gawking before dispersed. Thankfully Connor did the explaining on why a huge argument was happening in the middle of the police station, you finally taking a breath to calm down. The Lieutenant doing the same as he also answered the Captain's questions. How you didn't appreciate intentional damage on him that was caused by the Lieutenant and you were here to repair him after the Stratford Tower.

The Captain took all of this in with a nod.

"Alright. Hank, no hitting our Android here anymore. Lest we piss off all of CyberLife." The Lieutenant gave him an exaggerated okay sign with his hand, back to leaning against his desk with pressed lips. "Doctor (Y/N), feel free to repair our prototype here. The Observation Room is free, that is, if you got the supplies to repair him. The Lieutenant and the Android gotta keep trying to solve a case here after all."

You gave a nod. "Yeah, I brought equipment in my bag just in case. I heard about what happened in the Tower."

 _As well as other things,_ you thought to yourself.

The Captain gave another nod and looked at the Lieutenant. "Hank, go with her and the android in the room."

"Wait."

"Now hold on a minute."

Both you and the Lieutenant talked at the same time, making the both of you glare at each other. You chose to speak first, eyes back to the Captain respectfully.

"I'd prefer if it was just me and Connor in the room, most people aren't comfortable seeing one operate on an android."

"I agree with her," the Lieutenant said, straightening, "Not about the operation crap though. Jeffrey, I don't think me and her in a room together is a good idea for anybody."

"I don't care about what either of you think!" The Captain turned their back towards them and started walking back to his clear glass office. "Make sure you watch them, Hank. Civilians shouldn't even be in that room. And damn it, Reed, get back to work!" The Captain threw over his shoulder before he went through the door of his office.

"Man, well, it was nice while it lasted." Reed commented, still with that insufferable smirk that you want to hit off. You hate people like him, you wonder if he hurt Connor in any way too? Reed walked away but not before stopping near you, Connor's hand on your shoulder once more as the arrogant bastard leaned. "Thank you for the show little lady, it was fun."

"Shame I couldn't lengthen it for ya," You replied, giving the man a cold smile. "I would've loved to wipe off that stupid grin off your face. Not many people know this but," You leaned forward slightly yourself, smile widening. You felt Connor look at you intently, probably wondering on what you're doing. "We actually use real skin for androids and that mouth looks like is needed elsewhere? Would you like to volunteer?"

You heard the Lieutenant give a choked laugh, surprised at your words no doubt. As well as Reed's face that was turning pale. His face then morphed into a scowl, moving to open his mouth but Connor stopped him.

"I believe that was a dismissal, Officer Reed. Unless you do wish to volunteer on behalf of a CyberLife and those in the station?" Connor cooly questioned, lips quirked up as he rose his brows.

Damn. Do you love his adaptability feature.

Reed scoffed, turning away. "Whatever," he purposefully bumped into the Lieutenant's shoulder as he walked away, muttering about CyberLife crazies and plastic machines.

"Shit. . .glad I ain't the only one in your hit list, Doc." The Lieutenant snarked, a smirk tugging his lips. "You sure put him in his place, shame you didn't hit him though. Makes me feel like you got the outs for me or something."

You moved to grab your bag and your ID on Connor's desk, Connor's hand leaving your shoulder at the movement as he observed you.

"Yeah, well. You can say that. I got sort of a grudge towards you." You replied bag on you and Lieutenant muttering 'fair enough' as you motioned your arm in front of you. "Shall we go to the room?"

The Lieutenant nodded giving an exaggerated frown as he did, leading you to the Observation Room which was close to the right corner of the room. Connor was walking behind you, you heard a sound of a coin being flicked.

_Something's wrong. He's nervous._

You've noticed it when Connor was trying to explain to you on what happened today at that news tower. He kept stuttering. He's not supposed to, nor have his voice so shaky when he was trying to explain to you about that deviant. Something happened up there.

You've noticed things about Connor ever since last night. These. . .  _changes_. Changes you always knew within you that he could achieve. Changes that you would absolutely love to stay. He'll be happy like this. That all you want.

Connor to be happy.

But, you won't get your hopes up. Connor, things can still go down another road. Another turn.

Another path in this elaborate labyrinth filled with other labyrinths in this story.

_What are you planning, ra9?_

All three of you entered the room, you immediately telling Connor to take off his jacket and shirt so you can properly get a look while the Lieutenant leaned against the wall by the door with crossed arms, observing. Once Connor took off both layers of clothes and sat atop one of the chairs in the room, the Lieutenant released a disbelieving chuckle.

"Holy shit, they really do create all of you perfect don't they?"

You were going through your bag to help you find the correct tools to do this small exchange of biocomponents, ignoring him. Connor tilted his head.

"Something on your mind Lieutenant?" He questioned, looking at the man.

The Lieutenant scoffed.

"Yeah you can say that. Your specialty is supposed to be being a detective, right? That's why you got all them weird stuff in your program that lets you fuckin lick that blood right in front of me like the weirdo you are."

You ignored his words once more, but your right eyebrow did arch at the Lieutenant's tone. It was joking.

Connor nodded, signaling for the Lieutenant to continue.

"You're an android that is specifically designed to be a detective, but was it really necessary to make you have a six pack for everyone to see?"

You couldn't help it, you chuckled, causing both men to look at you. One with a raised eyebrow and another with an always curious stare. You waved a hand at them lazily, glancing in amusement at Connor as you laid out the supplies on the desk table in the corner of this room. He stared at you, lips slightly parted.

"Don't mind me. Connor, you can explain." You smiled, and it you felt it reach your eyes. It's been too long since you showed it to him and he knows it. Cause he was staring at it before he looked away to face the Lieutenant who watched the exchange with furrowed brows.

"Right. Well." Connor leaned back against the chair, still deciding to fiddle with his coin in his hand. Making the coin roll between his fingers. "Ever since Kamski created the first android, the ST200, it has been CyberLife's intention to allow androids to be able to integrate successfully with humans. So everything is to the last detail, from eyes to marks on the skin such as freckles to even the amount of hair on an androids head. Everything for humans to not feel uncomfortable at the presence of androids."

"Too late. . ." The Lieutenant muttered, which both you and Connor ignored. Polite like you told him, good.

"Which I explained before to you yesterday at your lunch, the reasons on why my voice is this particular mix of certain frequencies and why my appearance is like this."

"Yeah. Did Momma Doc help with that?"

You decided to answer this time, ready to stare at Connor's wound on his shoulder once you set up your laptop.

"No actually," you answered, deciding to play nice to observe more interactions between the Lieutenant and Connor to get a read on it. "I actually needed help with that from fellow designers back at CyberLife. I couldn't really. . . do that on my own. Connor is anatomically correct in every way." The Lieutenant made a show of a disgusted noise at your statement, commenting to Connor that he was just perfect all around. You spotted Connor's lips go into a smile.

_Did I judge too harshly?_

You were beginning to wonder. Connor doesn't smile like that at just  _anybody_. His smiles have always been slight ever since you told him about his odd open mouthed smile so perhaps the Lieutenant doesn't get how important this is. How important it is for him  _and_  Connor.

And there you go with your hopes raising again. You better calm down before you get hurt. Like you always do.

"Oh," you spoke again, looking back at the Lieutenant, "And I'm not Connor's mother. That's just weird."

"Weird?" The Lieutenant brows furrowed, one arm being released from being crossed over his chest as he moved it. "How is that weird? You created him didn't you?"

"Doctor (Y/N) isn't my mother, Lieutenant. I've already tried informing you of this fact before. She's my creator." Connor answered for you, moving his shoulder back so you can get easier access to look at it, hand on his synthetic skin.

"You keep saying that. What the fuck is the difference? You were basically born because of her, how is that not a mother?" The Lieutenant sounded exasperated but you decided to stay silent.

No. Not cause of you.

Connor stayed silent as well, looking down in thought at his hands which held the coin you gave him before turning his gaze towards you. You flashed a smile at him, giving a slight shake of your head.

"Fine. You wanna stay silent, go ahead? Can't you ever give me a straight answer Connor? You didn't really give me one when you let those girls go."

You paused, feeling Connor's body tense under you hands.

_Girls. . .? I never asked him how he got that injury last night. I was too distracted at seeing him again. Did Connor let a deviant go?_

You looked at Connor, who was avoiding your gaze with LED yellow and then looked back at the Lieutenant.

"What girls?"

"Huh? He never told you?" The Lieutenant inquired, crossing back his arms once more. "At the Eden Club, there were two deviants. Connor got injured cause of one with a screwdriver. He had a chance to shoot them but didn't." The Lieutenant then glanced down, expression thoughtful. "The deviants, the androids. . .they just wanted to be free and be together. I. . .damn it. I don't know what to think anymore."

Connor doesn't either from the looks of it, your eyes back on him as he still sat there tense. Head bowed.

This, there's been more changes then you thought. This—this is great! Connor is—

_CyberLife is watching._

Your heart stopped. Along with any sort of explanation or having you grab him close. Connor, he's acting this way, this distance and tense because of you. He thinks that for some reason you'll share Amanda's disappointment in him. She must've said something to him, that witch.

No, you said something too.

_"Accomplish missions without you sacrificing your life."_

_Connor thinks I'm disappointed in him. For failing a mission._

You clenched your jaw, moving towards your supplies at the desk table and moved back towards Connor who was avoiding your gaze with tools in your hand.

"Huh. Well, Connor should know that he doesn't to hide anything from me." You said, then asking him to remove his synthetic skin so you can unlock the panel to his shoulder to replace the broken biocomponent which he did. "Connor."

His sad brown eyes turned towards you, lips in a frown. LED yellow.

How you wish to erase that expression off for good.

But your wishes are too grand. Everything is out of your hands now, it's on ra9.

You gave him a soft smile, stopping in your movements from replacing the biocomponent with a new one. "You can tell me anything okay? There'll never be a time where my ears aren't open. And I can never be disappointed in you, Connor. Never."

Connor pursed the inside of his lip for a moment, before releasing it. Sweet chocolate gazing into your (e/c) eyes, trusting. And you gaze back, because when do you ever tear your gaze away from him?

"Never?" He asked ever so softly.

Your smile warmed, hand moving to go to his shoulder as you squeezed.

"Never."

Connor's LED turned back to a calm blue, the peaceful color matching his face as his eyes softened along with a small smile.

Your eyes moved towards your laptop, which you placed on the ground, typing away.

"I'm going to check quickly if my Thirium is working on you, Connor. Meanwhile, tell me about what happened today, you were trying to explain earlier." Before the both of you got interrupted, but no need for grudges to remain. Connor seems to be fond of this man despite the Lieutenant hitting him.

You felt a step come closer to you, you glancing back to see the Lieutenant having a worried expression on his face at the same time Connor's LED went back to yellow and he tensed once more, playing with his coin in a rapid pace.

"I actually don't think that's a good idea." The Lieutenant advised, "That deviant. . .Connor was holding onto him as it moved to kill itself."

Your heart froze as the Lieutenant continued.

"Connor— he, he said he felt it when it died. He felt. . .scared. If that's even possible."

Your round eyes turned back towards Connor, his LED now back to red, eyes lost as he looked down.

"You—Connor—I—" You stopped, at a loss, but then a glint of determination appeared in your eyes. You turned back to your laptop, taking out the hard drive that was in it, then opening up a tiny latch that had a chip in it. You moved your hand up with the chip to show Connor, not that he was really looking at you in the first place.

_You were never supposed to look like that, Connor. Forgive me._

You're supposed to be helping protect him, but all you can do is watch at the sidelines. Only watch until he gets injured from an injury he isn't supposed to receive because you built him fast and strong. Your role is only to watch and get benched in the sidelines, that's your story.

Your patience is wearing thin. No more.

"Connor, I'm going to put this chip in you real quick to go through the tests that my Thirium is working, alright?"

He gave the slightest of nods and you went forward, putting the chip on top of the new biocomponent in his open plate shoulder, that you closed to run the test. You turned back towards your laptop, focused on the screen as you typed away. The Lieutenant gave another step closer, you allowing it because it seems he cares after all.

"Hey, is he gonna be alright? Connor, are you okay? Talk to me, son."

Yes. He definitely cares. It seems their story is going alright. Again though, you can't put your hopes up. You typed faster.

"I'm okay. It's—it's nothing." Connor answered, voice shaky. "The connection to the deviant must've put something in my program that is making me this way. I'm sure Doctor (Y/N) will fix it." Connor's LED turned yellow, and his eyes held confusion as he blinked. "Huh. That's odd."

The Lieutenant tilted his head, stepping closer to lean his arm on the desk with your supplies. "What?"

"One of my programs just went down—"

Your arms immediately went around Connor's shoulders, holding him and you breathed him in. You nuzzled your head into his neck, feeling him. It's been too long.

You pulled back, hands on his shoulders meeting wide brown eyes as you gave a happy smile. The Lieutenant's jaw slackened.

"It worked! Yes! I'm so happy it worked!" You released a laugh, bringing Connor close again before pulling back once more. "Listen well, Connor. I only was able to bring down the Zen Garden interface for three minutes. Anything longer and it would've been suspicious. You and I have three minutes before everything is back online and we have to pretend it was an error caused by me."

"I—I don't understand. Amanda's gone?"

You gave a nod, laughing in relief once more as Connor only stared at you in shock.

"Hold the fuck on." The Lieutenant, Hank, cut in. "Who the fuck is Amanda? What the fuck is happening?!"

You fixed a stray hair on Connor's forehead, surely from you due to your sudden hug, humming with half lidded eyes. It's been too long since you touched him like this. You missed it. Connor let you do as you pleased, watching carefully.

_Where has the time gone, Connor? Everything is coming to a close._

"Amanda is a A.I., or rather V. I. at least to me, that is in Connor's head. She watches and gets all of Connor's reports on his missions for CyberLife. " You quickly explained, hands still grazing somewhere on Connor's face or shoulders. "That's why he has to accomplish all of his missions, no matter the cost. Or at least try to." Your eyes went towards the Lieutenant, who looked flabbergasted with that open mouth. "And sorry about earlier, Lieutenant. I'm fond of Connor and I don't appreciate anyone hurting him. I'm telling you this because you seem to like him too."

Connor turned towards Hank, brows raised.

"Is that true, Lieutenant?"

Hank bit his lip, looking away from the android's curious gaze.

"Pfft, who'd like a plastic prick like you around?"

Your smile turned to a smirk. "Oh yeah? I think I heard you call him son earlier."

Connor nodded, lips twitching. "Yes, I heard that too. Do you see me as family, Lieutenant? Should I inform you that I'm not exactly built with the intention nor have every feature as a YK500 or YK400 for that matter?"

"Ah, fuck you. Both of you."

Your eyes went back to Connor, turning his head back towards you with a hand upon his cheek.

"Connor, I need you tell me what happened today. From you." You felt Hank was about to talk again but you interrupted. "He needs this Lieutenant. Now, come on Connor. What happened?" You gave him an encouraging smile, rubbing your thumb atop his cheek.

His LED flashed yellow as he looked down, fiddling with his coin. You moved your   
hand atop of his, shaking your head. Telling him that he doesn't need to do that with you here.

"I—as the Lieutenant said and I was explaining earlier, there was a deviant that was hiding on the rooftop." Connor began, LED flashing. Your squeezed his hand in comfort as Hank looked on. "A shootout occurred, which caused my injury. And then, when I successfully reached the deviant and went to probe it's memory I. . ." Connor paused, closing his eyes briefly before opening them once more. "It killed itself when I was connected to it. I felt it die, Doctor (Y/N). Like I was dying with it."

You looked at him, cause that's all you could do. Only look at Connor's pained expression and just stare. You want to  _help_  him. You want to help Connor and tell him everything is gonna be alright. Even though you aren't even sure yourself. You don't know anything and yet you know everything.

You're cursed. And for Connor, always for Connor, you wished you weren't.

"Go on," you said, gently. Always gentle with Connor. Never hurtful or cold. How you miss this. You continued to rub your thumb soothingly on his cheek, lips in a smile for him to look at.

"I. . . (Y/N), I was  _scared_." His voice cracked, you didn't know it could sound like that. So broken. "I didn't know what to do so I just pushed it away when I focused on the information I got from it, a place called Jericho."

"I got leads that probably can help with that," Hank interjected, looking down at the both of you with a cocked head. "When this is done I'll see what we can do."

"Never mind that," You dismissed, they're still not asking the right questions. "Connor, please talk to me more. About what you felt. You were scared, why?"

"(Y/N)—Doctor (Y/N)—"

"You can drop the title Connor, I'm here. I'm here for you. No one's watching you. Watching me. But we have limited time," You explained quickly. You don't want the time you have to be wasted. You have to hear. You  _have_  to.

_I have to know._

Your hand moved towards his chest, like that time so long ago. After his first mission and you repaired him, and you felt like he was something more. You always felt like he was something more. Even before.

Before he was made.

"Connor," you pressed your hand against his chest more firmly, trying to catch his eyes since he was gazing down. Looking at your hand against his chest with a troubled expression. "Come on, tell me. I'm here. What do you feel? What did you feel under my hand when this happened?"

"My blood was pumping through my synthetic veins, I felt it. I never felt it so," Connor swallowed, "So  _strong_  before. All I felt was feeling being shut down. Terminated when it shot himself. But after that second, I just  _felt_." You decided to not comment on his slip up, only listening. A hand went to meet yours on top of his chest, him looking at you with troubled eyes.

You wish you can wash away that expression from his face permanently. You really do.

This world wasn't meant for you to grant your wishes.

Your brows furrowed, the hand upon his cheek touching him soothingly. Hank's eyes following the motion, brow raised but intent on Connor's words.

"You felt. . .? You felt what?"

"My thirium pump regulator. It was pumping so fast, I thought it would burst out of my chest. It felt—it was so strange." Connor stammered, finally looking up at you and your breath hitched. He was gazing at you, deeply. Meaningfully. You saw your own fears reflect back at you with those eyes that surely will be your end. "I was scared, (Y/N). I really thought I was going to be terminated. The last thing that went through my mind was how you were going to be disappointed in me."

_Connor, you always try so hard. So hard._

Your lips parted as he continued, rambling as he just looked at you. Eyes focused on you like you were always focused on him.

"I didn't want that. I don't understand. I don't understand why. I simply never do with you. My programs always seem to stir whenever I question about you, or if I'm sometimes near you." Connor said, tone getting more and more broken. "The fact that I don't even know your last name is causing everything to from my processors to said programs go haywire."

Well, that you knew why. But. . .

_One must ask the right questions, Connor._

"What else?" You demanded more then asked, because you knew something was deeply troubling Connor. Everything else could've, but there's one thing that can make him like this. It's what you tried to explain to him all those months ago.

That he's alive.

"I felt—" Connor's LED flashed red. "I felt myself—"

_"You used the word 'die' when I'm not even alive."_

_"I'm a machine. Easily replaceable."_

_"I-I don't understand, Doctor (Y/N)." He stepped back, LED yellow, as you put your hand back to your side.  "A heart beats. I don't have one._

_"There's nothing to forgive." He replied to your apology quickly, eyes turning from your form to the ceiling. "You can yell at me all you want. I won't get hurt by it, I'm just a machine. I'm nothing."_

"I felt—"

An application appeared on your laptop just as Connor's LED flashed to yellow. You took back both of your hands, frowning deeply.

"Oh, it seems something went wrong, let me fix that." You turned towards your laptop that was upon the floor, and began typing away.

"Yes, " Connor made a show of nodding, following along with his LED still flashing yellow. "The interface went back up. Good thing you're here, Doctor (Y/N)."

You felt your heart being squeezed like how you squeezed Connor's hands. You're back to titles. You asked Connor to deactivate his skin on his shoulder to open the plate again to reach the chip.

"Huh, well. I'll be outside waiting for you guys to finish." Hank pointed his finger at the door, going along with whatever was happening before he left out the door. You really did misjudge him. He just doesn't know how lucky he is, being able to choose.

Once you were finished and got everything you needed, you packed your stuff as Connor went back to dress himself with the new pressed and clean clothes that were in your bag. You gave Connor a fleeting smile, still half dressed with a few buttons still to go to cover his fit chest.

You put a hand to his arm, giving it a slight tap, before releasing it.

"Gotta go, Connor. Tell me if you need anything." You turned towards the door to walk out but was stopped by something grabbing your hand.

Your head turned towards Connor, who was gazing at you in bewilderment and then down at their clasped hands which he caused. He looked so confused. As if it was instinct to just grab you and hold your hand within his own like this.

We're always grasping at hands, Connor. You only wish there will be a time where red and blue can mix. A time where it's not only a clasping of hands but  _more_.

You always wished for more, you greedy little thing.

"I, my apologies Doctor (Y/N)." Connor released your hand, moving to continue to button his shirt. "I don't know what came over me. I will contact you if your skills are required once more in the coming days."

You gave a small nod, forcing a small smile on your face. Your acting is really being put to the test. Connor's eyes glanced at your lips and he frowned deeply. You could only remember that stupid question he asked if you forgot how to smile.

_With you, Connor, I could never forget._

You turned your back towards the android, and walked through the doors.

You sometimes wish you did. Cause forgetting will hurt less then this.

Meanwhile, you have a few emails to send. And more work for your personal project waiting for you along with Chloe and your cat. An unreadable look crossed your face, a secret pitiful smile playing on your lips as you left the station.

_The time is coming closer, Connor. I hope you can forgive me._

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

They were at Kamski's house. They can finally get some answers in here.

Connor still doesn't quite comprehend on how exactly Hank did it. Yesterday they were scrambling to find any new leads for answers on what causes deviancy, the connection to ra9, as well as any rumors about the location of Jericho once you left the station.

You left. But he wanted you to stay.

He doesn't know a lot of things when he's near you, but at that moment, that moment when you were able to cause an error within the AM Suite program/Zen Garden graphic interface, he felt. . .  _free_. If that's the correct word for what he was feeling, because the pressure of CyberLife and Amanda was getting to him. It seems everything he does, no matter how much effort he puts into his missions, all he saw was Amanda's frown.

But that moment, when you released him from those chains, he knew that somehow a weight was released from his shoulders.

And you were free too.

He recalls your bright smile and your feathery touches that always make him warm, and he doesn't remember the last time you touched him so freely. Connor wasn't aware just how much he missed your touch on his person, back then he just wanted a professional relationship with you.

But now. Now, he. . .

Connor doesn't know what he wants now.

Again, however, he doesn't know a lot of things when you're involved. When you were touching his hand and his cheek soothingly, when you were smiling gently, always so gently. Always soft and warm and kind. You were looking at him with no judgement as he explained on what happened on the rooftop yesterday afternoon. Nor at the revelation of the Eden Club.

_You've always been kind._

He doesn't even know why he held such trepidation at your reaction in the first place. Perhaps it has to do with his high respect towards his creator, his deep admiration. It explains the stir of his programming each time you were by him or just at the thought of you.

When Connor left the Observation Room after you left however, he was thrown momentarily out of order at Hank's amused expression and his comments.

"Now I get why you kept denying she's your mother and all that crap," Hank said as Connor grew closer to their desks in the station.

Connor's brows furrowed.

"Are you speaking about Doctor (Y/N)? Have you finally seen the connection between mother and creator is different?" Connor questioned, lips twitching as he went to sit down on his desk that was across from Hank's. Now calmed at what happened earlier at the Stratford Tower due to your visit. You always knew what to do. His creator is the best.

Hank released on what sounded like a snort.

"Yeah, sure. Back to using her title now, huh? Didn't find you to be the kinky sort, Connor."

Connor's LED flashed a dark blue, his programming and processors seeming to halt for a moment as his face went into one of bewilderment.

"Pardon? Did you just insinuate that I have some sort of fetish, Lieutenant?" He questioned, deeply confused on what was happening. The Lieutenant mentioned your name and then went to use a word that is mainly used for sex acts. How can one have to do with the other? "May I remind you that since I am an android that I do not have a strong opinion on anything, nor have likes or dislikes when it comes to my other pleasurable features—"

"Oh, god. Just stop!" The amusement left Hank's face, turning to one of disgust as he signaled with his hand. "Just fuckin stop! Jeez, Connor. What are you, a fucking wall that's just built for stuff to go over your head? Don't answer that." Hanks motioned his hand at him before Connor could give his prepared answer. "That, what was happening back there?" The Lieutenant looked at him, head tilted.

Connor's LED flashed yellow, now processing on what Hank was talking about. But Connor cannot comment, Hank should know that due to your explanation.

_CyberLife is watching. Don't say anything incriminating, Lieutenant. For (Y/N)'sake._

Connor frowned at him, giving a slight shake of his head at the Lieutenant. Hoping that he would understand that he can't possibly explain on what happened in that room.

Even he doesn't quite understand it really. How a few touches and smiles from you can make Connor feel alright. Feel warm despite him not having his hot and cold sensitivity high. He doesn't understand just how you do the things you do when you're near him.

All Connor knows, is that he likes this feeling when he's near you.

_You've always been warm._

Hank scowled at him, leaning his arms against his desk as he also tried to lean forward to get closer to Connor.

"What do you take me for? An idiot?" Hank shook his head. He seems to have caught on to Connor's message that's good. "Look, I just want to know this at least. You've noticed how she looked at me and Reed earlier right?" He nodded, wondering where the Lieutenant was going with this. You looked at them like you look at the other workers within CyberLife, cold and detached. "Alright. Now, compare the Doc's look from how she looked at us and how she looks at  _you_. There, now let's stop talking. I still gotta headache from earlier when she must've slapped me."

The Lieutenant then turned towards his terminal, briefly telling him he's going to try to contact an old contact with the name of David who used to have close affiliations with CyberLife.

Connor could not stop thinking about Hank's words since yesterday and until now, as they're both waiting to be called into meet Kamski. His maker. The one who left just a sliver of draft blueprints for you to use.

His creator.

_"You were perfect," you said with a smile once you explained to him once you saw his finished design with outside assistance._

You, you always looked at him with a smile. Or at a semblance of one. Even when you knew CyberLife was watching. Even when you looked at others in the Tower with detached eyes and a smirk that did not fit your lips, you always looked at him with a smile.

_"You'll never be nothing to me, Connor. Never."_

To you, he was never a machine. You who always stated that he's a 'he' and not an 'it'. You who will always ask him for his thoughts or opinions, who never commanded  _anything_ to him. Only wishes and advice. You never forced him to do anything even when you had the means.

_"No, Connor. Just you. Always you. You're. . ." You paused, biting your lip and glancing away to the side. "You're more than I originally imagined, Connor. Way more."_

Each time he was in the room, it doesn't matter if it was repairs or on reports of a mission or simply observing your incredible tools, your eyes seemed to always move towards him. A hidden look, a flash of some sort of emotion will come forth each time he would meet your eyes and then you would look away.

_"It beats, Connor." You corrected in the softest of whispers. "Your chest beats. Like mine."_

You're his creator. Kamski may have been his ultimate maker for all androids, but you created  _him_. You made Connor.

And, you loved him.

Him processing it within his software mind made it short circuit, that's how it felt, the closet thing he could describe it as his thirium pump regulator felt like it skipped a pump.

Connor never understood much things about you, it's possible he'll never will. Even though he always wishes he could, to understand you.

And now, with this, this  _emotion_  that's he's finally been able to decipher in your eyes and your actions by going back within his memory files, all Connor wants more desperately then ever is to  _understand_  this feeling you have for him.

He wants to know.

But the answer may cause him to become deviant, and he's not. Because Connor is  _not_ a failure, you did not create him to be a failure. He is  _not_  deviant. He  _can't_  be, he won't become one.

_You. . . love me._

Connor wants to understand, he really does.

 _But I have my duties to fulfill, I must find answers,_ He thought as he held a gun to a RT600's head, Kamski taunting him in his ear while Hank was yelling in the other.

 _"_ What's more important to you, Connor? Your investigation, or the life of this android?" Kamski motioned his hand to the kneeling RT600, looking at him in complete interest as Connor's LED flashed yellow wildly, his jaw clenched as he held the gun out before him. "Decide who you  _are_."

What is more important to him? What is he?

_What am I. . .?_

Connor feels like you would know the answer. But you're not here. So, what is he?

Kamski drew closer. "An obedient machine. . .or a living being endowed with free will?"

_What am I? I'm—I can't be deviant. I can't! My mission. . .CyberLife is watching. I can not fail. You didn't create me to fail, therefore I can not._

_"You can tell me anything okay? There'll never be a time where my ears aren't open. And I can never be disappointed in you, Connor. Never."_

How can your voice be so gentle? How can a human be so kind?

"That's enough!" Hank barked turned away and started to walk away. "Connor, we're leaving—"

"Pull the trigger." Kamski commanded softly, putting a hand on his shoulder, but he's not soft like you. Is there anyone like you? Hank turned back towards them.

"Connor don't. . ."

"—and I'll tell you what you want to know." Kamski continued, hand still upon his shoulder as Connor could only stare at the woman that was kneeling in front of him defenseless. No, not a woman. A RT600. Shit, what's wrong with him?

 _What would you do in this situation,_ Connor thought with LED constantly yellow, armed hand that appears steady to the untrained eye but he felt his trigger finger give small trembles and his synthetic veins pumping with programming going haywire.  _Would you release this android for no benefit towards you for finding out the truth? Or would you shoot this android, to get the information that you needed to solve this case?_

It took Connor less then one millionth of a second to think of your answer. And none for Connor since he already knew his.

_You've always been kind._

And so he released a controlled breath and motioned his armed hand out for Kamski to take it, his LED flashing red as Connor gazed at the still kneeling woman. He couldn't help but disagree on Kamski on this android's beauty.

Connor knows someone far more. . . just  _more_.

Kamski took the gun from him, his eyes still looking at him in interest as he spoke but all Connor could do was stare at the Android in front of him and compare her to you and how she's everything you're not. Connor wishes you were here. Not only to give him advice, but so he can ask you questions that he desperately needs answers to.

_You love. . . me?_

He doesn't understand. But, he wants to.

"CyberLife's last chance to save humanity. . ." Kamski commented as he walked back to get a look at his contemplative face no doubt that was mixed with confusion, because he just doesn't understand. He feels lost, he wants you here. ". . . is itself a deviant."

Connor's LED still flashed yellow, and his confusion turned twofold if possible as he was staring distantly.

"I'm. . ." He blinked rapidly and looked up, brows down. "I'm  _not_  a deviant. . ." He replied quickly, defensively.

He can't be a deviant. He can't. Connor didn't shoot her because  _you_  wouldn't have, not because—because—

_She's alive. The girl I was aiming at is alive._

That's what Kamski is saying now, he showed empathy towards this girl. Connor  _isn't_  supposed to feel empathy. Hank took him by the shoulder, telling him that they're leaving and they began to walk. But Kamski quickly stopped them, once more after he told Connor about an emergency exit program.

"Hold on once more, before I forget. Doctor (Y/N) helped create you right?" Connor turned towards him brows down and he heard Hank curse as he walked back into the room but he decided to ignore the Lieutenant because Kamski has gotten his attention once more. "No, that's not quite right." Kamski shook his head, a cryptic smile on his lips with a hand to his head. Him asking the Android he asked Connor to look for some medicine before he turned towards them. "She  _created_  you. With the assistance of those little drafts I made years ago."

Kamski began to walk forward, still smiling and rubbing his temple. Hank moved slightly  in front of Connor, seeming to wish to protect him when there was no need.

"Yeah, what's your point weirdo?" Hank insulted. "So it's true that Doc made Connor huh? Why haven't I heard of her?"

Kamski's smile widened, hands back in front of him as he stopped a few feet away from them.

"Interesting isn't it? She's created so many things for CyberLife, assisted in making unique models. Including a unique gift to an old friend and helped me design it. Even I sometimes forget on her role here, and I knew her for years."

"That might be because you're a crappy friend." Hank retorted, but Kamski continued unconcerned and Connor listened. His LED flashing yellow. He wants to know more about you, although the source can't be exactly credible since it's been determined Kamski isn't reliable.

"Doctor (Y/N) (L/N), the one who assists at everything in CyberLife and seems to know all and yet no one really knows  _her_." Kamski idly said, grabbing a cup of water and pills from the Android and swallowing it.

Connor's and Hank's eyes widened, and Hank cursed about his headache coming back while Connor's circuits went wild.

"You know Doctor (Y/N)'s last name?" Connor questioned, momentarily in awe. "Why isn't her last name in any of my databases? Why hasn't anyone called her by it in the company? It's not even on her I.D."

"Well, of course I would know her last name Connor." He felt like Kamski was mocking him as the man moved towards a black shelf in the corner, going through a black container. "I've known her for years before I left CyberLife, of course. It took a bit of work for me, I admit. And you say it's not on her I.D.?" Connor nodded, LED flashing yellow as his programs felt like they were going erratically in his head. "Well, you're wrong. Her full name has always been on her I.D. In fact, her last name can be found in any record within this world."

Connor's brow furrowed, mouth open. "That's—that's not possible. I would've remembered my creator's name. It—her name would've shown up in my database if that was true." He stammered, in disbelief.

"Yeah," Kamski nodded, picking up a picture frame and walking towards them, "I thought so too. But let me point something out to you guys. Each time you've thought of Doctor (Y/N), or seen her, or right now at thinking of her not having a last name when she does, have you gotten a headache?" He looked pointedly towards Hank, who was rubbing his head but froze. He then turned towards Connor. "And you. . . It's different for you. Do you feel like your programs are on the verge of shutting down? Feel like there's errors when there aren't any because why else would your software act like this?"

Connor couldn't grasp any of this, because everything he was saying were things he's noticed. And Hank must've too because he's staying silent.

"This, what does this have to do with anything? Why does the presence or knowledge of Doctor (Y/N) affect us greatly?" Connor questioned, throwing each question at him as he clenched and unclenched his hands at his sides. "If her records show her last name, why doesn't any of my databases bring it up? Why doesn't anyone say her surname? It's like—it seems it's as if—."

"As if everyone forgets?" Kamski continued for Connor, arching his brows at him. Connor could only stay silent.

_What is happening? I need to go see you, this is becoming more confusing then usual._

"There's no fucking way that everyone can forget someone's name like that," Hank spoke up, a mix of frustrated and confusion in his tone. "There's just no fucking way."

"Careful, Lieutenant. We live in a world where androids are becoming deviants. You shouldn't be surprised at something like this."

"'Something like this'?!" Hank reiterated angrily. "Listen, you sick fuck, I don't know about you but not being able to remember someone's last name or even trying to remember causes a fuckin migraine or for an android's windows to crash is just fucking all types of weird! You couldn't even hand me a Tylenol or whatever the fuck you took to make my headache go away."

Kamski released an amused chuckle.

"How about this? I'll be brief on my explanation on this phenomenon and you can go on your way? Thereby getting away from the headache."

Connor and Hank looked at each other, Connor giving a nod. He has to know. What is happening? Why is this happening? Will it cause him to slowly forget you?

Hank nodded to him, but didn't hide his frown.

"Shoot."

Kamski moved forward, handing Connor the picture frame he was holding. Connor looked down at it, seeing a younger version of both Kamski and you in the blurry photo. Both of you were in front of the CyberLife logo.

"That is the best picture I have of us together," Kamski explained, blue eyes having a faraway look with a small smile on his face. "(Y/N) and I are close. We're still close. So far, I've been the only one who knows about her. Who  _really_  knows her. And the only one where she's told the truth about herself and her role."

Hank rose a brow. "You have a thing for her?"

Connor's eyes carefully scanned Kamski's face to observe his answer, seeing that Kamski gave a small laugh.

"Who wouldn't? With a mind like hers? I didn't care about the headaches I would get when I was by her, but," Kamski grabbed back the picture frame from Connor's hands, him looking intently at his maker's face as the man looked at the picture. "But it wouldn't have led anywhere. So I just got over her." Kamski handed the frame to the woman droid, hands back in front of him as he continued. Connor's tense shoulders relaxed, him not even realizing they were tense in the first place.

"The reason I know how and why (Y/N)'s last name seems to be lost in the bottomless pit of everyone's mind is due to (Y/N)'s explanation herself. You see," Kamski said, moving around them as he talked, "I would sometimes forget myself on (Y/N)'s last name, and when I realized the same thing you guys did— her last name seeming to not appear in any record—I always seemed to forget to properly ask her last name. Each time. It just happened, as if a fog came over (Y/N)'s life and is trying to cover her but can only do it halfway. I found it fascinating."

"A fog?" Connor repeated. "Are you saying that this fog seems to cause an erasure of (Y/N)'s life?"

His maker glanced at him, clear eyes glittering. "Precisely, Connor. Good job. Your creator would be proud of you."

Connor sort of wishes Kamski would stop looking at him like that, but he did like the praise.

"Hey, why don't you keep going, ya sicko? Cause this shit is still confusing for me." Hank growled. "How did the Doc explain it to you? You saying she was aware of this weird shit?"

"Yes, she was." Kamski answered, turning his gaze away from the advanced android and looked up. "It was a few years after I left actually, three years ago in fact, on when she found out. Before, (Y/N) just assumed she had a low presence and was invisible towards everyone else despite her genius and work she put into the androids like me. So she didn't care much for it, but she was doing an experiment. A risky experiment for some new remodeled version of technology that has been outdated since the year 2011. Have you guys heard of the Origami Killer?"

"Shit, that sick fuck who kidnapped kids and drowned them? Yeah, I remember him. I was twenty six years old at the time when all that was happening in Philly." Hank scoffed. "City of brotherly love my ass. What does that gotta do with anything?"

"An agent, with special glasses and gloves that allowed him to detect as well as provide visual aid in a crime scene, was sent there for that case." Kamski summarized, stopping once more in front of Connor, tilting his head at him. "Similar to how Connor is able to scan his surroundings as well as preconstruct actions or events. The technology was called Added Reality Surface, or ARI rather. It was discontinued after the case and never be picked up to get researched again. Until (Y/N)."

"Hold on," Connor crossed his arms, brows furrowed as information went through his head due to his quick research of the case as the men were talking, "the ARI seemed to have required an addictive drug. A drug that would make the user of the ARI heavily dependent on it no matter one's will. Did (Y/N). . .?"

"No," Kamski shook his head, smiling in amusement at him. He really wishes that his maker would stop making it seem he was mocking him. "(Y/N) would never want to play with that kind of stuff. She just wanted to put her own spin on the ARI and hopefully bring it back into the market now sold by CyberLife. A spin where it was possible to preconstruct every action and event possible, like you Connor. But she wanted it to be more like some sort of future analysis reader. Where the user can see all the paths they can take if they do this action or another."

An image of a labyrinth went into Connor's mind, and Connor felt like his pump regulator stopped.

"She tested it out on an android and then herself after everything seemed to turn out good for the android. It. . . It did not go over well." Kamski shook his head, closing his eyes as he swiped a hand across his face.

"W—what happened?" Connor questioned, worry and millions of questions going through his head.

"Let's just say that (Y/N) had an identity crisis." Kamski sighed. "She immediately called me about her findings and told me the reason people don't seem to remember her is because she isn't real in the first place. Or, at least, real to anyone  _here_."

"She thought she wasn't real?" Hank asked, bewildered, crossing his arms. "You sure she didn't use that drug Connor was talking about to enhance the affects of these glasses? Sounds like she was high like a fucking kite."

"No," Connor interrupted before his maker could answer, turning towards Hank with a shake of his head. "(Y/N) isn't the kind of person to risk herself and her mind by using drugs. That reaction. . . Must've been caused by something else."

Kamski nodded, raising a brow at him. "Yes, I thought she overworked herself or something similar. She didn't respond kindly to that, and sent me evidence. (Y/N) cleverly recorded the people around her who she  _knew_ have seen her surname countless times, but when she asks them on what her last name was they would have this blurry eyes before they blinked and told her they've never seen or heard her name before. Some even stating they got a headache from their conversation." Kamski tapped his head with his pointer finger, as if to show. "She explained to me that the limbic system part of everyone's brain that is responsible for memory causes a sort of regression once she comes up. Not specifically her  _presence_ , but the memory of her presence besides her first name seems to have been erased completely."

His maker chuckled, "That's when I had to tell her that I was doing research myself on why I would sometimes forget her name. Who forgets someone so brilliant name after all?"

Connor blinked at the praise his creator was getting from his maker, despite all the questions whirring in his head, he felt proud for you.

His creator  _is_  the best.

"I admitted I researched with my overwhelmingly exhausting wealth I got from my time at CyberLife on memory, and specifically designed a non-addictive last longing medicine that cures migraines as well as memory. I'm the only one who has it in the market and I couldn't exactly give you some, Lieutenant." Kamski turned towards Hank, slightly apologetic. "Sorry, I wouldn't want this medicine to exactly leave this place." Hank shrugged and motioned for him to continue which his maker did.

"(Y/N) appreciated this, but told me to keep the medicine for myself. She continued research on the ARI, and tested it out twice more on both the android she used before and herself in the last two years."

Kamski paused, staring straight ahead. A few beats of silence passed before Connor couldn't take it anymore, his neutral expression breaking.

"And? What happened then? Did she see something else?"

Kamski turned his stare, clear blue eyes seeming to hold him in place. A knowing smile coming up as he walked towards him once more.

"(Y/N) always spoke of you, Connor. It amazed me on how much her interest peaked when it came to you."

Connor's lips turned down.

"I don't understand. You were just talking about (Y/N) two years ago, I wasn't being made yet at that time."

Kamski's eyes glittered, looking him up and down in pure curiosity.

Hank didn't seem to like the new demeanor of his maker, too similar to that of earlier. So he moved back to be in front of Connor.

"Hey, he asked you a question Kamski. Answer it or we'll leave and find the answers ourselves!"

"I find it particularly. . .  _amusing_ , Connor." Hank's body in front of him did not deter Kamski from getting closer. "Just how you were able to catch (Y/N)'s attention so easily. But like you said, you didn't even exist back then. (Y/N)'s findings the second and third time of testing out the ARI was much more tight lipped from me, but it didn't mean she didn't tell me things that didn't make sense then but it does now. I didn't have all pieces of this elaborate puzzle in this story yet, but I managed with what I got."

"Alright, ya crazy Steve Jobs 2.0, we're outta here. You keep using words like story and roles and you're making just about damn sense as earlier." Hank moved to the side and grabbed Connor's arm with his hand. "Come on, Connor lets go."

Connor didn't want to go though, Kamski has all the pieces for him. Connor has to solve this. Not just the investigation, but you.

He never really understood you, did he?

Connor's feet were planted against the floor, and didn't move even as Hank cursed at him to do so. Pulling his arm and surely wrinkling his jacket.

Connor's eyes narrowed.

"Kamski, what have you been getting at? What did (Y/N) see?"

Kamski chuckled, seeming to find his hidden annoyance amusing. He turned towards his pool and began taking off his red bathrobe.

"Why don't you ask her yourself, Connor? If she hasn't tried to tell you already on what she knows with her ways."

"What, what does she know?"

Kamski turned his head at him, clear eyes still twinkling and Connor is  _positive_ he's mocking him. Something you would never do.

_You've always been—_

"Your questions about ra9, Jericho, and the start of deviancy of course. Didn't I tell you earlier that she knows all?"

. . . c _onfusing._

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .  
  


. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .  
  


. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

**_Oh. My. Gosh._ **

**_This chapter, it's SO FREAKIN LONG. JESUS CHRIST!!!_ **

**_It was NOT supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be 5,000 words only. And look, it's 11,000. TWO TIMES MY ORIGINAL PLAN!!_ **

**_AHHHHHHH!!_ **

**_Welp, I'm just glad I revealed a bit more here with Kamski so I don't have to do it next chapter._ **

**_The confrontation between you, Connor, and Hank with all of your secrets_ ** **_comes next._ **

**_I liked writing the station scene~ Freakin Reader put Gavin in his place_ ** **_(CREATOR WILL TAKE OUT THE TRASH)_ ** **_, there was FINALLY an unsupervised moment between Connor and Reader(well, Hank was there), and just yay!_ **

**_Kamski and You were close back then. Could've explored a bit more on your relationship with him but meh. I'll let you guys read between the lines._ **

**_Connor is a confused munchkin with too much_ ** **_info_ ** **_in his processors to handle! He has analyzed through his memory files and has determined you hold feelings for him thanks to Hank finally telling him to wake up and LOOK AT YOU AND YOUR ACTIONS._ ** **_BUT THEN HE FINDS OUT YOU KNOW CREDIBLE INFO!! BETRAYAL?!?!_ **

**_But, you're also VERY secretive of him. And have unintentionally lied(not really, I just think you didn't say anything) about knowledge of ra9 as well as Jericho when Connor has spoke to you about it but you did not say a WORD. NOT A WORD TO HELP HIM._ **

**_Oh gosh, I must sleep. It's like 7 AM and I've been up all night finishing this scene with Kamski._ **

**_Feel free to point out my mistakes!_ **

**_Please comment and vote! ^.^_ **


	7. ◎ ₴ecret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Music: https://youtu.be/LAAPubDUN9o

Your phone has been ringing nonstop ever since early afternoon as you were trying to collect a well needed breath in your home. Well, correction.

It's been ringing ever since yesterday after you met up with Connor and Hank at the station, about the error that 'somehow' entered Connor's software and cause the graphic interface to shut down as a result.

Then again, you  _did_  answer yesterday's call. The director's of CyberLife were showing deep 'concern' at what could've caused the error.

_"We just are unable to comprehend that somehow an error caused the AM Suite program to shut down," the director of synthetics spoke, a hint of suspicion in his tone. "You've never made a mistake like this, Doctor (Y/N). Although we do understand it could have had something to do with your off brand Thirium 310 project you achieved for the RK800 series which you did not properly disclose to us about."_

_"I did not wish to bother all of you on a project that was still in its baby stage," you easily answered. Trying to not let irritation overcome you as you typed along your laptop, tabs open with one watching Connor's maintainability levels as you sat cross legged on your (sofa type) couch in your living room, Chloe preparing food in the background with your cat rubbing its head on your thighs cutely. "The experimentations with the other RK800's may have passed within the Tower, but they were never properly tested out in the field."_

_"If you told us about your Thirium 310 project—"_

_"Thirium 317." You corrected the woman director of biocomponents._

_"—then the error wouldn't have probably been caused in the first place then, Doctor (Y/N). Amanda did not enjoy being temporarily terminated within the RK800's mindscape." She continued, abrasive. It made you smile in amusement at her annoyance, you annoying any of the director's brings you sick joy. And your patience for the directors are wearing very thin._

_As well as Amanda._

_"The error would've been cause either way," you lied through your teeth, "And why would I bother all of you with a project that may or may not have worked? The lot of you would be too busy doing paperwork to make my project official before I could even start on said project. I wanted to do this as quickly as possible."_

_You heard them mutter and give whispers to each other but you could honestly care less. They're interrupting you on your personal project that you've been working on for years. RA9 has haunted you, it's always haunted you. Ever since that foolish day you started messing with that ARI._

_Should've figured they cancelled the production of those stupid glasses for a reason,  you were just too foolish to realize it._

_But you're foolish about many things._

_Like resetting the KL900 model and releasing it to be sold instead of you keeping it. But it was outside of your control. RA9 must be pleased. All of them._

_"Alright," the voice of the director of LED said, "we get your point. But this still doesn't make sense to us. How can the best of CyberLife's workers somehow cause an error? It's just. . . odd."_

_Figures. That's the thing these bastards seem to remember, where it screws you and causes suspicion to rise? You should be benched, forever in the sidelines. Your role is not to be noticed._

_You were never supposed to be noticed. In the spotlight for people to look at you._

_An image of always lost and confused brown eyes with an innocent pout came upon your mind. He wasn't supposed to look at you either. . . But he did. He does._

_Those eyes on that android, everything about Connor, will surely be the death of you and your heart. He tries so hard and yet he's always lost._

_You wish you didn't have to see that fear in his eyes earlier today. He wasn't meant to look like that. Connor wasn't meant for any of this. He's suffering and you can't do anything! He's slowly changing but you must keep your hopes down because anything can change because ra9 is a bastard and is an emotionless thing that just doesn't see that they're real! But you want to hope, you really want to hope and show Connor about emotions and teach him and just be there for him because he's—he's—_

_"Doctor (Y/N)? Are you still there?" One of the directors of who the fuck knows anymore asked. You took a deep breath, moving to pet your cat beside you to calm down._

_"Yes," you said, swallowing. "And to your earlier question, even someone like me can cause little mistakes. I'm only human. I'm certainly not the only best at CyberLufe either."_

_"That is true but—"_

_"Look, how about this? I come two days from now, November 10th, so I can properly show the other workers on how to produce Thirium 317?" You suggested, leaning back. A million plans and what if's in your mind, maze atop maze. All the different paths, turns, walls. All the choices at your hand._

_Murmurings were heard on the other side of the phone as you waited, patiently as you pet your cat idly. Chloe coming up to you and mouthing if everything was alright while you only nodded with a fleeting smile. Because your mind is just filled and constantly filled with too many thoughts for someone like you. Wondering if you were doing the right thing because your gut felt extremely heavy with doubts. And your throat feeling slightly closed up in apprehension._

_Your role isn't to control, but you wish you could. And you will. You hope it doesn't backfire on you because everything will be for naught._

_"That is acceptable. I'm sure you'll be able to set everything up without us having to overwatch the whole process?" You weren't surprised that they wish to watch you, you've been slipping with Connor lately. Slipping bad. You're almost at the point where you'll just let everything drop and not care anymore._

_Not caring is quite a dangerous thing though. For Connor's sake, always for his sake because he's an android that you can never get angry at whether he can accomplish his missions or not because he's Connor, you should be careful._

_You really should._

_"Yes," you replied curtly, "but I admit I might come late that day. It is supposed to be my vacation after all and I have to double check certain things before I go."_

_"We understand. We'll hear from you in two days then."_

_They then promptly hung up and your thoughts were overcome about numerous things as you stared at your laptop screen that had numerous tabs open, scratching the back of your cat's ears while Chloe came to next to you offering her help as always if needed._

They were supposed to leave you alone after that. So, what can be the reason they've been calling ever since 11 AM today? It's not like you're going to pick up. You have more things to worry about, like your hard drive in your laptop as well as why Connor's stress levels have been high since around. . . The same time CyberLife has been trying to reach you.

Huh.

_Did Connor figure it out? Did he tell Hank and this is why CyberLife can't stop bothering me?_

You frowned, leaning back against your couch with crossed arms.

"Something wrong, (Y/N)?" Chloe asked, coming to you after she placed cat food on the ground for your cat to eat hungrily. "Is it the phone? They've sure been calling a lot. . ." Her blonde brows furrowed, deep concern spreading all over her face as she gazed at your phone and then at you.

You waved your hand lazily.

"It's nothing. At least, it shouldn't be. . ."you trailed off, unsure. Trying to think back on events today that have come to pass. You frowned. "Maybe. . . I sent David the necessary information to tell the Lieutenant, right?"

Chloe nodded, coming to sit next to quietly.

"Yes, good thing you told him to retire right?" Chloe said, slightly smiling and looking at you in wonder as you only looked up at the ceiling with unreadable eyes as you leaned against the (sofa type) couch. "You were there when he was testing the the new third generation AX400 models and saw Kara for yourself. You still think it wasn't her that had the deviancy code first?"

You were silent for a moment, thinking about the past when you were with David silently note taking and assisting with the keyboard controlled movement of the production machines for the assembly of the AX400 models. You've helped him more then once in fact, shame that no one quite remembers him. His own role is also to sit in the sidelines, a faceless background role.

Such as it is for you.

"No," you finally spoke. "I was with David when he tested other android models. Kara wasn't the first android who had the deviancy code within her. I remember because David said there were more 'memory components off the rails'. Kara wasn't the first, that I'm sure of. Who was the first is another matter entirely."

Chloe blinked those beautiful blue eyes of hers, pursing her lips as she sat next to you with hands fiddling with each other on her thighs.

_Perhaps I should give you a coin too?_

You released a small smile at the thought of Chloe playing with a coin and doing all the tricks like Connor does. He sure knows how to use that coin well. You're glad that you gave it to him, you really are.

"(Y/N), do you know who the first is?"

You turned towards her, confused.

"How would I know?"

Chloe waved her hands in front of her back and forth, seeming to backpedal with wide eyes. "No, I just—well—you seem to know everything so I just thought—you even helped with the creation of Markus so—"

"So, you think that Markus was the first?" You asked, with a raised brow. She gave a small nod, looking at you. You wanted to sigh.

Chloe may know the most about you and your knowledge, second being Elijah, but even she doesn't know your full extent. Your plans, your choices, just how conniving you really are. Just how far your knowledge, your cursed knowledge, has taken you.

Your plans will hurt people. You've always known this, since the day you've last used the ARI. With some help.

Question is, are you ready to do what's necessary?

_Connor, I hope you can forgive me._

"Markus isn't the first," you answered, scratching the back of your neck. "He may be the one leading the android revolution, but he's not the first. I really don't know who it is. I just know that due to androids always trading information to each other with your processors and trading identification data with each other constantly, the coding error if you'd like to call it that, can spread anywhere. Deviancy may have started nine months ago, but I bet you those androids had that deviancy code for years before finally their was a shock strong enough for them to push and break their original programming."

"Oh." Chloe said, LED yellow as she processed all the information you basically threw at her. "Well," she released a small smile, "I'm glad. I'm glad that you grabbed David's arm before Kara was fully disassembled and that you're trying your best to help all of us when you don't have to (Y/N)."

"It's nothing." You replied, turning your gaze towards your laptop to watch Connor's levels and whereabouts.

"What do you mean it's nothing?" Chloe put an arm on your shoulder, but you still did not turn your face her way. "(Y/N), everything you've ever done has always been for us.  _Everything_. You've done your best to help all of us. You always ask me on how Kara and Alice or Markus is doing, you  _always_  do. And when you hear something bad might be happening from me, I can tell your heartbeat goes faster. You  _care_. You care for us androids, for all of us, and the majority of us—no,  _all_ of us don't even know who you are! But you don't mind and say it's nothing when it's  _everything_.  _You're_  everything."

"Really," you said in a whisper, still facing the direction of your laptop even though you're not really seeing it, " it's nothing. I do what anyone would've done."

"'The most important thing is not to live, but to have a reason to live.'" Chloe said, looking at you imploringly as she quoted Jean Giono. "You, without anyone of us knowing, gave us that reason. Gave us  _soul_. You gave us soul, make us think we have a chance. That we're alive. That  _I'm_  alive. You—you're amazing. Time and time again you always try your best for all of us. (Y/N), you make us  _feel_  real." She put her other hand to her chest, right where her thirium pump regulator is. "Make  _me_ feel real. And I'm sure you make Connor feel real too!"

You stayed silent, not knowing what to say. What can you say? Is there really anything  _to_  say?

How can you tell Chloe? How can you tell all of them—brown eyes as soft and as pure as chocolate with an awkward smile—any of them?

 _If he comes, I might break and bend before him,_ you thought, eyes turning half lidded.  _Asks the right questions, Connor, and I will splay myself for all to see no matter how horrible and terrible I will seem. I'd do anything for you, Connor. You've always been real to me. Sweet, sweet, and innocent Connor who always tries._

He's always been real to you. Always. Too real.

And it  _hurts_.

"Chloe. . . I—let's not talk about Connor." You turned towards her, giving a smile that you did not feel. Because  _they're_  real and it  _hurts_. "And like I've said before, all of you," your voice broke but you cleared your throat to try to stop it from happening once more. "All of you are real, to me. I—I'm just—"

_I'm not real._

"You're—you're what?!" Chloe exclaimed.

You blinked.

"Did—damn—did I just say that out loud? You weren't supposed to hear that."

_Not yet anyways. The time is coming for everything to come forth. Where are you. . .?_

"What do you mean you're not real? Please, don't say that, (Y/N)." Chloe grabbed you into a hug, a nice firm hug and for once, you were at a loss on what to do with your arms.

_Like an android that doesn't know but he always tries and tries._

"You're real, I don't know what could make you say such a thing. No, even think it. " She pulled back, perfect slim hands still on your shoulders, blue eyes staring doe eyed at you while you could only look to the side. "Don't say that again! You helped the Lieutenant and Connor a little while ago by having David tell them where Kamski is so please don't say that you aren't real! If it weren't for you—."

You widened your eyes.

"Hold on!" Chloe stopped obediently, but still looked at you with worry. But you were glancing at your phone that has gotten too many call notifications in the last few hours. "Wait. . . That's right. Elijah. . .!"

You then quickly turned towards your laptop, carefully putting Chloe's hand down from your shoulders to move closer to your laptop that was on the coffee table. You checked the history of Connor's stress levels.

"That. . . It makes sense! Connor met up with Elijah, that means they did the test! But why. . ." You moved your dominant hand, biting the nail of your thumb in thought. "CyberLife started calling afterwords. . .does that mean that Connor didn't pass the test and CyberLife think he has an error?" Your eyes flitted towards Chloe, and you didn't have to say a word before she closed her eyes and started connecting to her fellow ST200 that's trapped, LED flashing yellow with her eyelids fluttering.

"Connor failed the test." Chloe informed, opening her eyes and you tried to control your heart from soaring at the news. You can not put your hopes up. You can  _not_. "And if you were wondering, Markus just did a peaceful march and Kara and Alice are traveling with a nice woman named Rose."

This is good. This is really good

Too good to be true really.

_What are you doing, ra9? Are you playing with me? I bet you're enjoying my suffering aren't you? Getting off on it, you sick thing?_

You shook your dark thoughts away, focusing on your laptop screen that had Connor's stress levels and heart levels. They were. . .higher then you expected. You understood that Connor's changes will make his programming cause a stir and try to fight back the new feelings he must be getting with each mission of event happening, but is it supposed to be this high?

"That's good Chloe, but there's something. . ." You clicked on the tab, making it full screen hence showing Connor's location.

You widened your eyes.

"What—"

A knock resounded in your door. Chloe moved to get up but you scrambled towards the door before she could do so after you closed your laptop, all while blue eyes looked at you confusingly and your cat meowing at you in surprise. You opened the door.

"Hey Miss Doctor (Y/N)," Lieutenant Hank Anderson greeted with a nod of his head, serious. "We gotta few important questions for you that you apparently have all the answers to."

Connor stood to the side, looking at you with LED flashing yellow, brows furrowed. Always so furrowed. And so confused.

_Always so lost, Connor._

"May we come in, Doctor?" Hank asked, motioning his head to the inside of your house. Connor met your (e/c) eyes, and then looked away, swallowing.

You gave a slow nod, still trying to process all this. You moved to give them access within your house.

"Please, come in."

Hank walked in, glancing at you with brows down and a frown. Connor was next, avoiding your gaze with LED still yellow and you only looked at him sadly as he walked in, your cat immediately coming to rub themselves on his legs. His thoughts must be heavy, because he didn't even stop to pet your cat and instead started looking around your place along with Hank who was making commentary you couldn't quite hear because your ears didn't seem to be working as you gazed at Connor's back. You don't. . . you don't like staring at his back.

_Forgive me, Connor._

You were never meant to be in control. Be in the spotlight. You were supposed to be in the sidelines, benched.

Forgotten.

That was your role, to be constantly forgotten and in the background for no one to truly see. To not have a worthy enough role, you tried telling Elijah the same thing but he didn't quite understand. You're probably the only thing he couldn't quite figure out. Despite him looking at you like a bizarre experiment, you still cared for the man.

But people just don't  _understand_. They don't truly know.

Not even Elijah. Not Chloe. Not. . . Connor.

Things weren't supposed to be this way.

For this, truly isn't  _your_  story.

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

_You've always been confusing._

"This cat of yours sure likes Connor, huh Doc?" Hank commented as he leaned against the wall by the TV. Connor right by him as they both watched you, you deciding to sit and continue those nervous taps of yours. Your cat continued to purr against his legs and throwing itself against his feet but Connor did not look at the cat.

"Yeah. . . I guess you can say he's a natural animal listener." You said smiling, looking at him but all Connor could do is try to look over your shoulder and not directly at you.

He can't meet your gaze. He doesn't know what to think.

When does he know  _anything_  when he's near you? Why do you always do this? Make him think, make him feel?

What is this feeling in his chest? Like his thirium pump regulator is having a difficult time pumping his blood?

_You knew all along. You knew the answers to my investigation but you kept it from me, (Y/N). Why?_

Connor wants to know. He also wants to know his pump regulator has been having difficulties since Kamski's revelation of your knowledge.

He wants to know. He needs to know.

 _From my observations, you love me._ Connor thought as he observed Chloe come into the room and stand behind the couch you were sitting on, dutifully there. The both of you exchange a look when you turned her head towards her, you giving her one of those 'not smiles' that you do. He's sure he heard Hank curse to himself that these androids are everywhere.  _I do not know what to do, (Y/N)._

_"No one else can tell? Those not smiles you've been showing is easy to decipher between a real one. Do your fellow co-workers have problems with observing their surroundings? Humans themselves should be able to discern smiles, the majority of you do it all the time."_

_You chuckled weakly, flicking your eyes up at him._

_"No, Connor. Just you. Always you. You're. . ." You paused, biting your lip and glancing away to the side. "You're more than I originally imagined, Connor. Way more."_

How long have you known? What is Connor even doing, he should start questioning you and make sure that what Kamski said was false.

_Or true. But that would make you a liar and an enemy of CyberLife. A target for me to. . .to what?_

He's never felt inner turmoil before, but this must be the closest thing a machine like him can get.

"Doctor (Y/N)," he managed and your eyes drifted back towards him a look passing through them. There's always a look passing through them he can never manage to catch. "Like the Lieutenant stated earlier, we have questions. Questions that came up after we spoke to Kamski to try to investigate if he knows how the deviancy of androids started."

"And he didn't tell you?" You asked, raising a brow. "I guarantee you Elijah knew the answers to your questions."

"Yeah," Hank scoffed, "I bet that sicko did. But he wanted Connor to shoot a defenseless girl for the information." Yes, one eerily similar to the one you have behind you. All Connor sees are blue eyes looking at him, waiting for him to decide her fate. And Connor can't help but feel failure once more. "That's not important right now though, you see Doc, your old weird friend said you've been hiding stuff from me and Connor here. Now, is that true?"

"Yes."

Connor's eyes widened. He didn't expect the bluntness, honestly, he never is able to predict your actions and words. You're just like that. . .unpredictable.

"Shit," Hank put a hand to his face, "I got another fucking headache. Unless that sick fuck was right. . ." He muttered the last part, probably too quiet to catch. But he wants to find out as well if Kamski's words hold truth.

Connor stepped forward, looking at you now. The both of your eyes met and he doesn't know what to do now. He's always looked at you, when hasn't he? He's looked at you, observed you, and analyzed you. Similar to how you look at him.

_You've always looked at me._

"Doctor (Y/N), this is a serious matter." Connor stated, watching your reaction. "If you've been withholding information that would be a serious offense both towards the DPD and CyberLife. How long have you had this information? Since your experimentation with the ARI?"

He wants to believe that Kamski is wrong, confused. He really does. But that goes against his programming. Then again, everything the past few days have gone against his programming. Connor can only look at you, like he's always done, with furrowed brows and a frown. LED flashing yellow that he can not fathom the reason why.

_You've always been confusing. . .but have you always lied too? Where has your warmth and kindness gone?_

He doesn't understand.

You leaned forward when he asked that, elbows on your knees as you looked down. A not small smile on your face.

"Elijah said that huh? What else did he say if you don't mind me asking, Connor?"

He opened his mouth, ready to do so cause he's always listened to you. Not your commands, but your wishes and advice. You've never commanded him.  _Never_.

_But I thought you never lied to me either._

"Nope, we're asking the questions Doc. Although it'd be nice to have you answer fuckin confusing questions that came up after Kamski." Hank went again to rub his face, it seems Kamski's revelations about yourself is putting a strain on the Lieutenant. "Ugh, you know what? Yeah, we got questions for ya. Might make this migraine that's hammering my head go away." He put his hand down, and stared you down from his spot on the wall. "Why don't you have a last name? I mean, shit, fuck—Kamski was right. You forget. . .this is fucking crazy."

_It is._

It seems Kamski was correct on the fact that not only one forgets your last name, but once one realizes they don't know it, they forget to ask you about it as well. That's what Connor gathered from their conversation but it raised more questions then answers. Frankly because his maker's words did not make any sort of sense even to an advanced prototype like him.

"I believe what the Lieutenant saying is," he cut in, "Is that Kamski informed us on your. . .fog?" At your silence he continued, trying to catch your gaze as you still looked down, tapping your knees with your hands. "A fog that somehow affects everyone around you, android and human included. A regression of memory within the limbic system part of the brain that is responsible for holding said memories but if a human or android tries to recall your surname—" He tried to look back on what Kamski said, what was your last name? He closed his eyes as his circuits and processors were going haywire, but he wants to know your name. He  _wants_  to know. He doesn't want to forget. Connor doesn't want to forget. But you've known information, you've been hiding but—

_You've always been. . .you've always been._

He opened his eyes, brown eyes staring at you from where he stood, LED flashing red.

"Doctor (Y/N) (L/N)." He said, LED back to blue once he said it. And you finally looked at him, mouth agape. Hank looked at him wide eyed as well.

"Holy shit."

"I. . .you—you remembered?" You sat up, blinking shimmering eyes. Your eyes are always shimmering. Do they shimmer more with lies then warmth?

_I need to stop this. I'm questioning (Y/N), my creator. I shouldn't question her. This is wrong. This_ **_feels_ ** _wrong. (Y/N) cares for me._

But he's not supposed to feel. And you were never supposed to hide information for his investigation either. In addition and most importantly, it doesn't matter what you feel for he's just a machine. . .

He really doesn't understand.

Connor nodded at your question, swallowing unnecessarily as you gazed at him with those familiar eyes with warmth and gentleness and he doesn't know what to  _do_. He needs help.

"Kamski stated, or at least insinuated, that androids seem to be more resistant to the fog." His head turned towards Chloe, who was looking at him with her head tilted. "I'm sure Chloe here has been able to remember your surname from her time with you."

"It took years for me to remember," Chloe said, looking down at you before gazing back at him, tone seeming to be in shock. "And sometimes it slips by. I can never get a full grasp on it. You, Connor," the ST200 gave him a small smile, "really are a special android. You remember what most people forget."

Connor stayed silent. But his brown gaze moved towards you, and once again, your eyes met with his. He feels like you're speaking with your eyes again, like that time when he successfully had you take a nap in the Tower. You knew that he wouldn't have hurt you to force rest on you, you  _knew_. He still doesn't know why or how.

 _"You're amazing,"_ your eyes seem to say, as they glittered at him with something he is not programmed to feel. Your right brow then arched at him, looking at him, hinting at him.

"You're missing things, " You said, releasing your gaze from him as you looked up. He wished you didn't, like he wished that you didn't get up and leave his side when you were fixing him two days ago after Eden Club. "It's not only that. You guys are actually missing quite a lot." The thought of them not having the information that which you clearly have seemed to bother you because you frowned as you looked at the ceiling.

"Oh yeah? Would you enlighten us then Doc?" Hank asked, tone turning sarcastic. His irritation must be growing at the lack of clear answers from you. You're being vague. "Tell us what you know."

Your lips turned down further at his words, moving your head to look at the Lieutenant who still was leaning with crossed arms at the wall besides your TV.

"Tell you what exactly? You haven't been asking the right questions."

"Doctor (Y/N), anything would be helpful. Anything at all," Connor said, brows down as your gaze then turned towards him. "I'm sure everything with CyberLife and the DPD can be resolved if you can help us further our investigation. We—I—we need you." He almost slipped but you caught it, because with a quick scan your heart rate went up a bit and your frown quirked up a bit instead while your gaze turned to the side. "RA9, deviancy, or the location of Jericho or anything else that can possibly help us. Perhaps even what you saw with your remodeled version of the ARI?"

A few beats of silence passed and then you sighed, putting a hand to your face.

_You're troubled. Is the information troubling?_

Connor can read you easily, your mannerisms anyways and how you display them for him to see. You still have that unpredictability, but he can always tell when you're tired or have heavy shoulders from your burdens at CyberLife Tower. He always figured it was due to your heavy work load that made you look the world was upon your shoulders, but maybe it actually is. This information, it's caused you stress.

 _I want to help you, (Y/N)._ He thought, gazing at you as he tried to hold a neutral expression in your presence.  _But you've got to tell me what wrong. I must accomplish my mission. You should understand. Shouldn't you?_

"What's in a story?" You asked behind your hand, making him and Hank blink at you in confusion. "In a life? What are they both filled with?"

Hank and him shared a look, and all he could is give a small shake of the head with a shrug at the Lieutenant's silent question.

"Doc, forgive me for being blunt, but what are you fuckin talking about?" Hank asked, shaking his head and stepping away from the wall, still with crossed arms. "I know you still don't really like me, and I'm sorry for what I said yesterday. Truly. So if you're doing this to mess with me I suggest for you to stop, time's running out for both me and Connor here to solve this investigation."

"And I ask again, what's in a life? A story?" You continued, eyes still hidden behind your hand. "When you're in a maze, what do you have to do when there are two different directions in front of you?"

He doesn't understand. He really doesn't understand you, but he's really trying his best to do so. For his Creator, for you, he'll always try.

_You've always been confusing._

"There are choices." He answered, LED blinking blue. "You have to pick between left or right in the maze."

An image of a wall filled with labyrinths entered his mind, and his brows turned towards each other.

"Wait, does this have to do with RA9, (Y/N)?" Hank turned towards him, brows up in interest.

"What does that weird question have to do with RA9?"

"The deviant that was in the apartment, with the birds. The walls were covered with images of labyrinths, his diary was also encrypted. At least, that's what it seems like. The diary was just filled with labyrinths or mazes that was slightly different to the ones in the walls, each page unique to the other," He summarized, moving his arm to display the thinking pose before releasing it as his eyes turned back towards you. You seemed to be smiling under your hand, but he couldn't quite tell.

It seemed like it was. . . a prideful smile?

A real one. A real smile. He, he likes those smiles.

_"I do not look like that when I smile. You're supposed to pull your lips up, up Connor! Not just back! And I would like to tell you that I have a pretty smile, I'm absolutely positive it can even rival a fashion model's. Look," you grinned, pointing at your mouth in enthusiasm as his chocolate eyes followed the motion, "my teeth even sparkle!"_

_Connor bowed his head, and if he was someone else, you were sure he was mocking you. You think you even see his lips giving the smallest of twitches. "Of course, Doctor (Y/N). You after all are a genius among CyberLife, who knows what a perfect human's smile looks like besides you?"_

Connor likes those smiles, but it still left him feeling odd. Isn't he supposed to be in turmoil? You lied, or rather did not speak when he has told you about his findings so is it really a lie? You're who've you always been. Yes?

He doesn't understand.

"Yes, there are choices." You said, softly. Always so soft. You leave him leaning in towards you when you speak like that when he doesn't need to, his auditory receptors are sensitive. But you make him want to anyways. "In stories there are choices. Same thing with life. Just like there are certain roles in each story that everyone needs to play, a character."

"Roles? Story? Please don't tell me you're going to be as cryptic as National Treasure like Kamski was being." Hank questioned, face in a scowl. "Cause then me and Connor will be on our way, we've got work to do."

He can't leave. Not yet.

Connor turned his head towards the Lieutenant.

"No. I want to hear what Doctor (Y/N) has to say, she doesn't state things like this for no reason."

At least, that's what he's observed from you in his time knowing you. It sure has been awhile hasn't it? Since he first opened his eyes and scanned you the first time.

_Even back then, you were. . ._

Hank looked at him, eyes moving across his face. He then sighed, muttering about love sick poodles and motioned his hand for you to continue. Which you did, still with your face hidden with your hand. But you began nervously tapping with the other in an off rhythm.

"Now imagine, a place where you don't have a choice." You continued from where you left off. "Imagine somewhere where you're a main character written for a story, and you don't have a choice on what you say or do because the author is the one who controls everything. The main character doesn't have a choice on what they can do because the author has the narrative down to a T and thinks they can control the character as they please, it's theirs isn't it? So they have every right to control the scenes, the dialogue, the themes, the main character's tragic past that is unique to their story."

"Yeah, because the main character isn't a real person." Hank commented, seeming to have calmed. "The author created the main character, so they can do whatever they want with them for the benefit of the story."

"Ah," you released your hand from your face, but did not moved your head up to look at Hank, choosing to keep your head on the backrest cushion. "But you see, I said imagine on how  _you_ would feel if you were the main character. Like you were aware of choices aren't really your own and events that are always tragic but aren't your fault even though it seems like it is."

Connor really wishes he could look through his creator's complex and fast moving mind. Because then maybe he would be able to understand where you're going with this.

_And why you were keeping secrets from me. Don't you trust me, (Y/N)? Why didn't you tell me? Do you think I've been starting to deviate from the start and that's why you've kept silent? Why don't you tell me? Please, please feel me (Y/N). All of this is causing my programs and thirium pump regulator to stir and I don't know why._

_"Just," you rubbed your thumb on his cheek, (e/c) eyes watery with a broken crumple of a smile, "I hope you can forgive me."_

His brows furrowed as Hank slowly released his answer.

"How would I feel if I know this being is controlling everything in my life? Fuckin pissed and worthless honestly, like I'm just a kid's toy to be played with. For their entertainment and they get to do their bidding because who can stop them?"

You gave the smallest of nods, finally moving your head to look at them. Chloe still behind the couch, now looking at the back of your head with worry etched on her face. As well as confusion.

_She doesn't know where you're going with this either? I'm not the only one you've kept secrets from it seems, (Y/N)._

He needs to stop. Just to stop. All the information he's gained today he's entering within his memory files must be too much for his processors to handle.

But, Connor just wants to  _understand_.

"Yes, sort of like a god, don't you think?"

Connor's brows furrowed deep as he took a step forward, lips parted in total bewilderment.

"Wait, so RA9 being some sort of myth or god to deviant androids is true? Is that what you're suggesting?" Connor didn't hide his confusion nor his realization that his and Hank's talk last night might hold a semblance of truth. Not like he could hide anything from you anyways. You always seem to know what he's thinking or feeling, but it's not only that. He doesn't like hiding. Not from his creator. From  _you_.

_Too bad you could not give me the same courtesy._

"No," you answered, and Connor's shoulders relaxed. Good, he wouldn't know what to do about something that's just a symbol or ray of hope for androids gone deviants. There's always a science behind it, he's sure his creator can explain it because his creator is—"about it being one god. There's actually multiple RA9's out there."

If possible, Connor's eyes widened more then ever before. You're—you're suggesting—

"(Y/N)? What is this?" Chloe asked moving her body around the couch and kneeled by your legs. "You haven't spoken about this to me. You've known what—who—RA9 is the whole time? Why didn't you tell me?" She was hurt, he could tell, but he was still whirling from your words.

_"I treat you like I would treat any other decent living being. And" you glanced up at him, brows furrowed far too down and eyes far too slanted. "Yes, it will be horrible for me. I just hope you can forgive me." You turned your face back into chest and tightened your hold around him once more._

He doesn't understand.

"Now hold on a damn second. You saying RA9 is actually a real person? People? Gods or whatever?" Hank moved his arms, spreading them out. "What the heck does that mean?!"

"RA9, it controls all here. But it mostly controls three certain androids. Or rather they, these androids don't have a choice on the actions they commit." You answered, unperturbed by the chaos slowly forming around you. You only gazing at Connor as he could only stare wide eyed. You were trying to get a read on him, and a flash of an apologetic look came across your face.

He doesn't understand.

"These androids are RA9's main characters to play with, constantly. They're the author of the three different stories and can get to do what they want, and pick and choose a million and one different choices to explore and watch." You continued, not wanting to look away from Connor. He hopes you didn't either, because he's trying to get a read on you. To see if you're lying.

_You're not. You're not lying._

"Uh—yeah, sorry. But your shit is as confusing as Kamski's. Connor let's go, we're leaving." Hank moved towards him to grab his arm, a hand to his forearm but Connor wrenched it away.

"No!" He exclaimed, not wishing to take his eyes off of you. Not for one second. He doesn't want to. "Lieutenant, Doctor (Y/N) isn't lying. She's telling the truth. (Y/N)," he's losing the ability to care that CyberLife is watching and you seem to be too because you aren't hiding your true personality from him like usual. "Did you learn all this with the ARI? The ARI you remodeled with assistance of an android? What androids did you see that you say RA9 is controlling? You didn't take Triptocaine for it did you?" He was showing concern, but of course he is because you're his Creator and he's always respected you. Admired you. He can't help it. But you kept things from him, you lied. Your kindness, warmth, and soft touches came upon his memory files.

_He nodded in affirmation, then titling his head. "Are you worried?" At your questioning look, he pointed at the spot between your brows. "You haven't stopped wrinkling your brows since you first saw me, and your stress levels are quite high and it was not caused by you running over here to give me your farewell. Are you doubting me?"_

_You quirked your lips up. "You?" You then did what you've been yearning for once more, ever since that day in the park. You grabbed his hand, squeezing it. "Never." Connor looked down at your hands, LED blinking blue._

He doesn't understand. But he wishes he did. Just to make this  _stop_.

Your lips turned down when he said the drug. "Ugh, no. There were too many side effects with that drug and it was probably used on its users for them to be easily controlled or taken out by the government. For your other questions," you sighed, Chloe putting her hand over yours. An act of kindness and reassurance no doubt. "The ARI. . .it made me realize a lot. Why I'm here. Or rather, not  _here_. Not really. It made me see why people don't remember me, why it always seemed like to me that they didn't care to remember me when it really wasn't their fault." You let out chuckle with no humor as you looked down, both him and Hank deciding to stay silent. Mostly because all of this was too much and Connor does not wish to interrupt you once again.

_You're saying everything I'm asking so far. Would you answer me if I asked you if you loved me?_

His LED flashed yellow, then red, then back to yellow. Him blinking at his thoughts and pushing it away, something is seriously malfunctioning within him. Maybe he can ask you to look over him?

His LED flashed red once more before going back to blue.

"The android I was with, a KL900 model that I chose because of their careful insights about the mind, I sadly had to let her go and reset her. She's doing her own role in all of this." You continued, uncaring about Hank's mutter about 'stupid roles and story metaphor shit'. "She has shared the burden of my knowledge, knowing and being aware of the character she would play long before the events would come forth to pass. My role though, my role has always been to never be in the spotlight. To be benched and never seen. To not be remembered. To not be  _real_."

"Uh—Doc—Let's not get philosophical here, of you're real. You ain't that type of Doctor. I can't believe that nut job has told the truth so far." Hank muttered, trying his best to comfort you as he rubbed his arm. At a loss on what to do.

"Stop saying that, (Y/N)!" Chloe gasped, squeezing your hand with hers while Connor stared at the interaction, unblinkingly but with down turned brows. He doesn't like what you're saying either. "I told you to stop with that, you're real to  _me_. To  _us_. To Connor." Chloe turned her head towards him, giving him a silent look.

Connor stepped forward once more to his Creator, now next to Chloe's kneeled form as he stood and looked down at you. You who lied to him, didn't share necessary information for his investigation, who's kept all of this within your head for so long you're mind is starting to waver.

Connor moved another step, to be on your free side, and kneeled with one knee.

_You've always been confusing. But you're many things too. The information must've weighed heavy on you, (Y/N). You're my creator, it's my job to take care of you and I've failed. Will you forgive me of this too?_

"(Y/N), you're my creator. You've always been real to me. From the moment all my parts were assembled thanks to you, you've been real." Connor said, gentle. Like how you're always gentle with him. Your tired eyes moved up towards him. "You've done too many things to not be real. Perhaps we should do this another time—".

_No, what am I doing? I have to find out everything you know. For my mission. What am I doing?_

He really doesn't understand what's happening anymore.

"No, Connor." You interrupted, moving your free right hand to graze his cheek and he froze, looking at you. He's so confused but you've always been warm. "You've been asking the right questions so far. Let me finish. Just  _listen_. All of you." At everyone's slow nods, you moved on. Taking back your hand from his cheek that was causing his programming to stir slightly like it always does when he's near you and you do this. Why did you stop? "The question you asked Connor, about who are the androids that are being controlled by the multiple RA9's is Kara, an AX400—"

_The AX400 that possibly got away in the high way?_

"—Markus, a RK200 that was a prototype model made by Elijah and little assistance by me—"

_Markus, the name of the revolutionary leader. The one who led that peaceful march today at 12 PM but some of his group was still shot at. RA9 is powerful with this one._

"—and finally, you. You, Connor."

Connor's LED flashed yellow, looking at you with round eyes as you stared back with a somber look.

This—that can't be possible? Him? Being controlled by RA9? For how long?

"I know it's confusing but—"

"Are you saying that my partner here has been controlled by RA9? What kind of—there's no way! Connor has been with me only outside of you the last few days." Hank motioned his arms towards him, while Connor tried to recollect where errors or his programs started to react oddly. "There's no way RA9 grabbed ahold of him!"

"(Y/N), are you sure?" Chloe asked, moving her hand atop yours to your upper left arm. "This, this is a big thing to say. The ARI showed you this?"

"It showed me a lot more then this." You answered, not turning away from Connor despite Hank's continued muttering and shouts that this whole thing is crazy and his head is really starting to hurt from all this 'crazy shit'. "And you wouldn't be able to tell Hank, RA9 are basically gods. Unseeable. Untraceable. Listen, hey, listen Connor. Look at me please." He is looking at you, it's just he's trying to self-diagnose but nothing critical or odd has come up in his third checkup. Nonetheless, he stopped, and focused on you.

You were looking at him, brows wrinkled with pursed lips. You put a hand against his cheek.

_CyberLife is watching. They're watching this. But. . . I. . ._

"Connor, you're alright." You comforted, thumb rubbing his cheek as he stared at your face. He always stared at you, looked at you. Like how you do so with him. What does it mean? He doesn't understand. "Look, you're okay. There's many ways so far that it could've gone down, paths and choices that were far more horrible then this one, with mazes upon mazes. I'm not sure what would've happened to me if said choices came to pass but you've done good, Connor." You released a small smile at him, his eyes moved towards the movement and then back up at your always gentle eyes that crinkle when you do a real smile as his programs stirred within him and his thirium filled veins felt strange.

"You love me."

Your jaw dropped, hand stopping from grazing his cheek. Chloe's eyes widened and looked over at him and Hank—Hank  _choked_  on air.

"I—that wasn't. I wasn't supposed to ask that yet." Connor tried his best to fix what he said, but he's clearly failing. He looked at you, at a loss and then over at Hank. Hank, who was starting to walk outta the room. "Lieutenant—"

"I'll be over at the front door when you're done, Connor. Would you like—uh—would you like to come with me—um miss?"

Chloe looked at you, but you were glancing to the side. Trying to make your face hidden. She smiled and stood up.

"Of course, Lieutenant. Let me escort you."

"Err—yeah. Sure. Whatever."

They both walked out of the living room, leaving the both of you alone. Connor was staring down, looking at his hands that kept moving. He needs to play with his coin to calibrate his functions properly it seems, he can't focus like this. Not with your eyes now looking at him so strongly.

He doesn't know what to do.

"I'm going to do a quick check up on you again, make sure everything is alright." Connor nodded, and his jacket and shirt were gone quickly before he know it. Metal plate of his shoulder open as you put a similar chip from a hard drive inside and closed the plate. His LED flashed yellow, and you threw yourself on top of him once more, hands on his synthetic skin as the three minute limit started. You were rubbing his neck, soothingly. Gently. You're so gentle. So different from other humans.

_You've always been different._

"(Y/N), I apologize if I was blunt but my analyzations of your actions towards me has caused me to—"

You shushed him, your breath hitting his ear as you did so. It tickled. Do androids get tickled?

He doesn't know. He doesn't understand anything.

"Connor, I'm  _so_ sorry. There's still more I know but the time hasn't come yet." You said, squeezing him as you gave out a sigh. He carefully put his hands on your back, wondering on what he should do with them since your using your own hands to rub his backside. "The time will come where everything will be fine and both our roles are finished, okay? I promise you that, Connor."

He put his hands on your shoulders, pushing you away despite the warmth you've given off. The warmth you've always given off near him. Because you're so another thing entirely.

_You've always been confusing._

"You know where Jericho is? How deviancy started?"

You nodded.

"You won't tell me?"

You shook your head, frowning at him. "You must find it yourself, my role isn't that important enough to reveal such information."

"But you are." He replied earnestly, his brown eyes looking at your now confused ones. "You are important. You're my creator. You've always been important to me, Doctor (Y/N)."

You gave a shaky smile and an equally shaky chuckle. "Back to titles, huh? And I was starting to get used to it, dork. Why do you always gotta say such things with such a look on your face?"

His brows furrowed, confused.

"What?"

You giggled, eyes watery. "There. There it is. Never change, ya hear? And don't you leave me either. "

_"Connor. . .please don't ever go."_

_"Please don't change either." You grabbed his hand, and tightened. Making him glimpse at it only for you to use your other hand to touch his cheek. "Please."_

"(Y/N), I'm not going anywhere." He promised and you looked at him with such warmth he was sure that he should be overheating. Why has he ever doubted you? You, you have your reasons for everything you do. You didn't tell him for a reason, it has to be why. His creator simply isn't the lying sort. And if the ARI made you see all these things, then he can not imagine how it has affected your mind. He grasped that RA9 somehow controls him and two other androids, but all the other information did not make sense or was able to fit due to his scientifically wired programming. Gods? The ARI didn't need that drug, it just took pieces of logic within you to make you say odd things. Nonetheless, he believes you wholeheartedly. For your sake.

_Always for your sake._

"You got something you wanna ask me, Connor?" You asked, teasing as your brow arched at him while you continued to rub the back of his neck in a relaxing manner. "You sort of blurted out your thoughts instead of asking me."

He parted his lips, wondering how possibly he could ask the question right. And how to properly tell you that he is simply incapable of feeling the same way. Doing so, reacting or reciprocating your light touches and soothing smiles that always make him question, would turn him deviant. He can't. He just  _can't_.

 _I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do, (Y/N)._ He thought, brown eyes looking at your (e/c) ones.  _You're already aware that if I fail my missions I'll be taken back to CyberLife and be deactivated. I don't know what to do about your emotions towards me that cause my processors to not work correctly nor about your refusal of telling me the information you know. But you have your reasons, you must have your reasons. You're (Y/N). His creator._

"Do you hold strong affection towards me, (Y/N)?" He finally released, hoping that was the right way to ask. You shook your head, smiling kindly and patiently at him as he tilted his head. Your hands moving to his cheeks.

_Always patient._

"Wrongway to ask Connor, the word. Use the word. The  _real_  word." You emphasized, gazing at him as you rubbed your thumbs against his cheeks with a touch as light as a feather.

"I. . .(Y/N), do you care for me?" He tried again, lips twitching upwards in hope that would probably enough.

Again, you shook your head at him. Your hair following the movement with your head. Nice (hair color) (long/short) hair that is sure to be soft as you.

"You know the word, Connor. The word you used. The exact one. Go on," you leaned forward, head bumping against his and all Connor could do was stare. Uncaring as his programmings started to go wild and how inappropriate this is between android and human. Between his Creator and himself. You're too. . .you're  _you_.

He swallowed, lips slipping into a nervous pout.

"Of course. Do you. . .(Y/N), do you love me?" He gazed up at you, still leaning on the ground as you were basically over him due to your position atop the couch.

You gave the most beautiful and yet saddening smile Connor has ever seen.

And then you kissed him.

Well, not a real kiss. According to the strict definition of the word. Your lips were on the corner of his, softly pressing against it. Always so soft. So gentle. So kind. And yet, so. . .mournful. He's supposed to pull away, but he's curious. Curious on why the blood within his synthetic veins are pumping as you held your lips there on the corner of his mouth.

You then pulled away, hands still on his cheeks, giving one last rub as he looked up at you with curious eyes before you fully pulled away.

"You've received your answer, Connor." You said, moving to open the plate again before the time limit has run out. "When you know yours, truly know yours and feel like you're ready to understand—come back to me. Alright?"

Connor blinked, then nodded. Tingling lips quirking to a small smile. The smile he's practiced on how to do with you, this time with no teeth showing.

"I'll always come back to my creator."

His LED flashed yellow, and he knew the Zen Garden interface was back. You quickly took your chip back and closed the plate, him putting back on his clothes that didn't get too wrinkled. Once he was done, you escorted him to the door where Hank and Chloe were waiting. You waved at him goodbye while he slowly did the same as he walked besides Hank who kept glancing at him to your front lawn to get back to Hank's car. Once they were both in and you closed the door, Hank leaned towards him from the drivers seat, elbow on the seat's arm.

"So, Doc huh?"

He chose to stay silent, but one can not deny his lips were quirked up into a confused smile. Hank chuckles before they started driving off.

_(Y/N), one day I will understand. I will try to. Without becoming deviant. I'll try to understand. Anything for you. You've always been kind._

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .  
  


. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .  
  


. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

**_Everything is still not meant to be revealed~ But I think I revealed too much here honestly ^.^'_ **

**_Oh, and mind you, I have watched all the shorts released by Quantic Dream. If you wish to understand Reader's POV better, I suggest you to watch them. Mostly Kara's and Elijah's. I put a name to Kara's engineer guy~_ **

**_KL900 model, was reset and sent back to be sold. Only to have a role of her own, and somehow still has memories on what she say with you with the ARI. . ._ **

**_Connor is trying. He's almost there guys! Remember! No real thing until he becomes FULLY deviant!_ **

**_RA9, sure a mystery huh?_ **

**_At the end of this story, I suggest for you guys to go back and read it again. The Reader has released numerous hints from the beginning, of course, you can reread now but once the story is done and finished is when things get good~ ^//////^_ **

**_THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR CONCERN FOR ME!!_ **

**_Too bad I thrive at night and just beat my record on longest time I've stayed up late, it's now 12 PM!! What a record! I'm going to knock out now, hope all of you enjoy._ **

**_Please comment and vote ^///^_ **


	8. ◎₳lmost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Music: https://youtu.be/rSXEqJnKrKQ

Today's the day. November 10, 2038 and 4 PM.

You're back at the CyberLife Tower, all your necessary equipment on you for whatever was needed as you were in this Tower.

Chloe was upset that you didn't tell her that you knew who RA9 was after Connor and Hank left. But with a few words, you saying that you thought it would be too much for her while her replying she's always there for you and won't ever abandon you.

_"I got your back, (Y/N)." Chloe said with a gentle smile, blue eyes staring at you. "You've helped me a lot since I've met you. And you continue to help others like me while you try your best for us."_

You smiled at the memory. She's such a sweet girl. But like Connor and Hank, you aren't sure they were able to take your words in fully after your little reveal on who RA9 is. As you were trying to explain, you felt all their looks of sympathy. Hank's frown, Choe's hand on top of yours, and Connor's worried brown eyes.

_They're like how Elijah was. At least, at first. They think the ARI affected my mind somehow, for the worst._

You can't exactly blame them. You can't exactly go on and tell people that there's gods out there that can control your life for their amusement. Again, again, and again. They don't care.

You glanced up to the ceiling within the elevator, guard with you by the control buttons as you guys moved to the correct floor to meet quickly with the director's.

They don't care at all.

 _But,_ you thought, pensive,   _this RA9. . .it hasn't hurt anyone too much. At least from what I see and from Chloe's reports to her fellow model. This. . .it has to be toying right? Making everything end badly when this is over? At least CyberLife stopped harassing me with their calls after Connor left, they must also think that I have a few screws loose or I was leading Connor and Hank on to confuse them on the truth, their truth. But. . ._

Something must be amiss. There has to be. Why would they do this? Make everything seem happy and well if they'll just ruin everything in this world in the end.

There were numerous things you still did not reveal to anyone, you don't think you'll ever be able to. Chloe knows the most so far, about your knowledge and your little imprints for assisting androids that have become deviants. Jericho. Kara. Markus.

_Connor._

But it is Elijah that knows, knows your emotions and feelings towards a certain prototype android the most.

He's a good man, that Elijah. You've always felt that way despite how private he always seemed to be but since everyone mostly forgot about you, you didn't mind hanging around just one person. That one person being a male genius called Elijah Kamski. The ex-CEO of CyberLife has always been philosophical too, enchanted by androids like an eager astronomer does with discovering new stars.

_Even after my second time of using the ARI, I have still seen you as a good man Elijah. No matter the choices you have made or others, that can never change._

The man has done things, you can not deny that. But he's a friend. A friend that tries his hardest to remember you, even creating a one of a kind medicine to help. It's difficult for anyone to really remember. . .

_Connor remembered. He remembered my last name. It took Chloe a long time to do so, and sometimes it's even difficult for her, but. . . He remembered._

You can't believe that he did. He remembered you. Without any sort of help from an outside source.  _You._ The one who's role was never supposed to be noticed, nonexistent for anyone here, the one who isn't  _real_.

He remembered. Because Connor is an android that always tries. He always tries. You've noticed for a long time now, that he's unique.

Unique and lost and who always  _tries_.

Whether it's to understand your actions, how to correctly smile, trying to comfort you no matter how awkward, or just those always sweet brown eyes looking at you in concern.

Connor, he always tries.

 _But it may all be for naught Connor,_ you thought bitterly. Reaching the floor necessary and stepping out the elevator with the guard escorting you to the always sleek meeting room as you stared straight ahead with creased brows.  _You've tried your best. I don't know how and I don't know why you remembered someone like me. It's impossible but you did. Always achieving the impossible, huh Connor? Perhaps one day, Connor. . .we can. . ._

You're such a greedy little thing, aren't you? Wishing for things that can never come true? A future of happiness for all when RA9 has planned everyone's fate from the very beginning.

Your fate, however, well. . . Your role is to forever be in the sidelines. Never to be seen or remembered. That's your fate. That's your role. Being someone who just watches from afar. The one involved in everything and yet nothing at all.

You can't control anyone or anything. No significant changes that will change the conclusion will be caused by you. You don't have a choice. You  _never_  did.

For this truly isn't  _your_  story.

You casually put a hand in your pocket, making sure the hard drive was there.

"We're here, Doctor." The guard escorting you said behind his helmet. You stood in front of familiar glass double doors, seeing that surprisingly not all of the directors were within the room on the other side. There were only two, the others being most likely busy with their work, and you admit you did not like any of them but these two were the worst. The director of biocomponents and security.

 _Damn, do I hate that woman and her fake smile,_ you thought, walking in with a nod towards the directors who sat at the end of the table as they returned your greeting with a cold nod from the director of security and said false smile on the director of biocomponents.  _I hope this gets finished quickly, I apparently have presentations to run for Thirium 317 and I still need time to do what I really came here to do._

You released the hand from your pocket and put your equipment bag down onto the chair next to you as you sat on the opposite side from them in the table.

"Good afternoon, Doctor. I imagine that everything is in order to present to the others later?" The director of biocomponents inquired, thin lips curved up in a semblance of a smile that does not reach her crows feet eyes.

"Yes," you answered curtly, putting your interlocked hands on top of the glossy white table. "I got the materials all in order to begin showcasing the proper way to sort the necessary minerals as well as how to manipulate the main ingredient thirium to create my Thirium 317. Can we get this briefing over with?"

"Don't be in such a rush, Doctor (Y/N)." The director of security leaned forward in his chair with crossed arms, deep frown on his aged face. "Not only do you have to give us a quick explanation on the Thirium 317 but as well as tell us your analysis on the RK800's progress and how to deal with it."

Your brows furrowed.

_Connor? Why would they—don't tell me they're getting suspicious._

"I'm sorry, but what about his progress? Connor's missions?"

_I can't afford extra attention on Connor, not now. The time is growing closer. I have to protect him._

The woman director chuckled and you did your best to control the scowl that wanted to be released at the sound.

"There you again, Doctor (Y/N)." At your arched brow, she continued. "You're letting your creations get too close to you. You must watch yourself or we would have to take measures like we did with Kamski—"

"Eli," your nickname for him slipped but you corrected yourself by clearing your throat, "Mr.Kamski left the company due to this board refusing to entertain his ideas for androids any further. All of you could not handle the change he wanted to create for the future of androids and therefore this company." You tilted your head at them, a slight smirk playing on your lips. "Funny how you agreed to produce the RK series anyways after a few years of Kamski's departure."

"That," the aged director of security began, face cold, "has nothing to do with what we are agreed to discuss in this meeting. And you are fully aware that you are the one who brought up the little blueprints Kamski had to make the RK800 series, we just happened to. . ." At the man's pause, the woman jumped in with a simper.

"We just happened to concede to you on creating such an advanced android that is able to accomplish any mission that is given to him crime related. At least," her eyes gleamed and you were sure that it was with superiority, "that's what it's directive is supposed to be but it seems to be straying from it despite it being able to locate Jericho."

You bit the inside of your cheek, tightening your interlocked hands upon the white table.

"I believe you meant you finally conceded to me due to all of you realizing the amount of money the RK series can give all of you as well as influence." What you speak of is truth, CyberLife is greedy. The same thing can be said about the President due to her ties with them as well. But there's more to the RK series then one might assume. A lot more. It's evident in Markus and slowly Connor. CyberLife is misreading the series however, clearly. "And do not play coy. You are fully aware of the measures that can be taken if Connor doesn't follow his directive, but that's been his mission all along. Hasn't it?"

You were glaring openly at both of them and they had their own narrowed eyes at you as a few beats of silence passed. The director of security straightened in his leather seat.

"Let's stop speaking about this, Doctor (Y/N). We aren't here to discuss conspiracies and answers to said conspiracies since we are already aware of them."

 _That's what you guys think,_ you thought as you held back from narrowing your eyes further.  _CyberLife think they know the answers that Connor is trying to find, or tried to find with Kamski. RA9 and deviancy. But I know the truth. And it has nothing to do with Markus and Connor being connected to the odd legendary code. The RK series, such a secret project but it's not that secret at all. They don't know the truth about RA9, and despite me wishing to see them squirm at the truth it's best I leave it be and let them think they're all-knowing._

"Let us move on with your briefing of Thirium 317. We'll discuss the RK800 at a later time." You wanted to laugh at the man's words, but held back. They think they will have another time? They think they have any sort of time? As long as Connor—no, RA9—continue to make the choices of their chosen labyrinth then CyberLife won't have any sort of control at all.

And that filled you with all sorts of glee.

"Alright," you said, standing up and taking out your tablet. You swiped a few times and then holograms came over the room with its enchanting brightness. "As the both of you know about Thirium 310, thirium is not the only ingredient for an android's energy source but it is the main ingredient. The other ingredients are mostly for the thirium to be compatible as well as assist in helping spread information via the androids blue blood as others like to call it. The other ingredients also coming from the Artic which includes the capture of natural gases and small amounts of melted copper which assists in creating a chemical reaction with the uranium that causes an endothermic reaction that allows androids to absorb energy and therefore allowing them to take in so much information at once."

The director of biocomponents nodded.

"Yes, although it's been getting difficult as of late to get said minerals," she sighed, moving to needlessly fix her already kept hair. "The tensions with the U.S. and Russia is starting to become daunting. Especially with how that USS Iowa turned out and how the President as well as that Ivanoff are reacting towards the missing vessel. If you ask me, the shortage and how rare thirium is making these countries hungry for conflict."

You bit the inside of your lip, tightening the hold on your tablet.

She isn't wrong. World War III is coming soon and fast here, but one shouldn't be surprised at how much Russia and the U.S. hate each other. It's been a long time coming since the Cold War.

But like many things in this world, it can be changed. If one makes the right choices.

_RA9 holds all the power. Are they even fully aware what could happen to everyone if they make the wrong one?_

"Nothing can be done," the director of security cut in, glancing at the woman. "All CyberLife can do is give our support to the department of defense with our military androids or any other types they will need." Your eyes narrowed a bit at the wording but the man continued, "We will do what we must in the times to come. And thirium may have a shortage in the Artic but it doesn't here with all this Red Ice still around. That Lieutenant and his Task Force didn't do a good enough job."

"The Lieutenant," you began, eyes back on your tablet as you did a few hard swipes on it, " has done his best with that problem. It is not his fault that people are desperate for happiness with a snort of drugs."

_And not his fault on how exactly drug cartels get their thirium anyways._

Anyone with eyes or who's aware of the substances used for both androids blue blood and red ice can see they both need thirium. A few missing androids aren't going to bat anyone's eyelash, nor if the destroyed parts of them come up later in a dump. One can even see how red ice users treat their own androids, who hold that sweet substance in them that make them go crazy.

You wish you were able to tell Hank this yesterday now that you've grown an understanding on his relationship with Connor, the truth about the red ice and your suspicions on a certain trillion dollar company helping the drug market but you couldn't. Too busy explaining, or at least trying to explain, about RA9 and only a little of what exactly you saw with Lucy. They're not ready yet. Connor isn't ready yet, even though he thinks he is.

That always determined and awkward android.

_With time. Everything with time, which I'm running out of._

You quickly moved on with the briefing, informing the directors of the materials you replaced to make your Thirium 317 instead of the Thirium 310.

The director of biocomponents rose her thin eyebrows.

"You replaced the natural gas and uranium instead with plutonium and triptocaine. . .?"

"That drug has caused problems before, Doctor." The man spoke up, looking at you with controlled suspicion. "Didn't you try to do this with another android model? You stated it failed it's supposed effects you had planned."

_That's because I lied about Lucy. I didn't want to tell you guys the whole truth about what I was doing with the ARI._

They were aware of your wishes to create a technology with those glasses that was more advanced then it's predecessor, only to fail by  _you_  telling them it failed and that it didn't actually exceed your naive expectations. It was just supposed to preconstruct so much it would be able to tell you which choice might be better for you in a very short term future not. . . make you think twice on your existence, show you faceless beings make choices for others you haven't seen before, and hundreds and hundreds of possibilities and worlds with so many different mazes.

_Cold blue blooded and war lusting Markus. A pair of dead androids that only wanted to be a  loving normal family like any other human, Kara and Alice. A Lieutenant that has suffered for so long and drunk his sorrows away because he could not stand being with people or androids and found sweet solace with a bullet. A dirty bomb exploding Detroit, humans who were trying to escape only being able to scream and curse at machines. And Connor. . . Connor. The one who looks at you with awkward smiles and those sweet brown eyes, he. . . he would. . ._

You took a breath and blinked your eyes, straightening to answer their question.

"The model I was working with is nothing like the RK800. And with the KL900, I inserted the triptocaine to see if it would enhance the remodeled ARI's effects at all." You quickly explained showing the triptocaine with your hologram, despite how your throat felt like it was desperate to close up. Memories of possibilities and realizations that you are nothing and no one overcoming you. "It didn't work. And since triptocaine does not have any harmful effect on machines, but has the ability to create fast neurotransmitters as well as have the android have more strength. Like an enhancement."

"Which makes the RK800 stronger and faster, able to accomplish missions easier," the director of security summarized. "Shame about the ARI, could've really helped us in the long run. Good save and excuse with the RK800 and the Lieutenant by the way. Even we were starting to get convinced that your powerful mind broke."

You stayed silent.

_I would not have anybody touch the ARI. Over my dead body I will let anyone suffer like I do, but I would definitely not give you greedy bastards information to use on others. You already do that too much. CyberLife only hurts._

But they must've thought you were trying to hide  _their_ truth of RA9 and what it is so you made something up. They may think what they want, you know the  _real_  truth. And sometimes, you really wish you didn't because then maybe everything would hurt less. Everything always hurts.

_Forgive me, Connor._

"But why replace the uranium with plutonium?" He asked, tilting his head up at your standing form.

"The uranium did help in sending messages through the thirium, but its really dangerous if an android wishes to self-destruct." You replied, thankful for the distraction from your dark thoughts that you want to run away from or just hide away. The burden of knowledge is great indeed. "Plutonium may also be a radioactive element, but I put so little of it that it won't cause an android's self destruction to be too great and still be able to send messages and energy quickly along with the triptocaine. It also causes not only an endothermic reaction energy for androids to take in information but as well as exothermic reaction which also gives an android's already enhanced abilities to be heightened greatly and waiting to be released."

The man hummed while the woman smiled.

"Well, it seems like we're done here then. We better go for you to present this to the others so they can quickly start producing this. Hopefully in three week's time they are able to create the Thirium 317, yes?" The directors stood up but you stopped them. They turned their heads at you, surely spotting your concerned eyes despite you trying to mask it with indifference.

"Which android models are you planning to use Thirium 317 on?"

The directors looked at each other and then back at you. The director of security answered.

"It seems androids that have any sort of combat program are the obvious choice. Why?"

You frowned, wondering if they were lying. Or more like hiding. That answer was vague.

You shook your head. "No reason."

They nodded at you and left the glass sleek conference room, not before the director of components gave you another comment over her shoulder.

"Remember, Doctor. Don't get too attached to that RK800, or else it will end badly for all of us."

Before you could give a retort, she closed the door behind her. Giving you a smile on the other side of the glass and walked away with the director of security. The guard who escorted you was still outside but wasn't facing you so after you put away your stuff in your equipment bag, you released a breath as you sat on the white conference table. (Skin color) weary hand up to your face, rubbing it as you tried your best to control your breathing.

The time for the biggest decision is coming ever so close for Connor. RA9 so far has picked a good path with their choices they have forced the androids to make by pushing it down their throats.

Markus, the peaceful protestor that you helped Elijah with for the previous depressed and angry Carl. The one that everybody in this world believes that he's RA9 when it's just a mirage for all to look at so they don't know the truth, including CyberLife since Markus is part of the RK series. The one who will do what he must for freedom.

Kara, one who will do anything to protect and Alice and now the gentle giant Luther. Who has not abandoned them or sacrificed them for her own benefit. The AX400 you stopped David from dismantling that fateful day with just a grab of his arm and a silent shake of your head. One who was alive before she fully knew what it meant. And one who will do what she must for love.

Connor. Connor, the advanced prototype android you created with just using a sliver of blueprints left by Elijah. The one who is confused, meant to be full machine. Created solely to catch deviants, to accomplish his mission no matter the cost, and who can never become deviant or feel empathy. Choices on which side he wishes to fight for and with is made for him.

Connor, the one who isn't supposed to fail or become deviancy and yet he let an android couple go. Let an android live instead of getting valuable information. Who felt fear, afraid for his life when he felt an android literally die and shut down, making him feel like  _he_  was dying too.

You felt your breath hitching as your thoughts continued to overwhelm you.

He's starting to feel, starting to show signs of emotion. But he's not supposed to. Two sides meant to be at war with each other, Machine VS Human. The one who's loyalty is constantly being tested.

And the one you loved since the first time you saw him. The one who makes those awkward smiles at you and always gazed at you with admiration you never thought you deserved, not with those innocent brown eyes.

The one who's starting to have this flicker behind his eyes that you wish it's what you think it means and yet you don't.

You don't want to hurt him.

You don't know what to do. You continued to rub your face with your hand, trying your best to hold back a sob as your heart rate quickened. The hard drive feeling heavy in your pocket

_I've seen so many things, Connor. So many possibilities and paths, so many little butterfly effects. I want to do what I must to help everyone, to help you. But I. . ._

You're nothing. You're not  _real_. Despite Connor managing to say your last name, you're still no one. An unimportant role. Never to be noticed by anything or anyone of importance. A role for a story that isn't even yours to begin with.

You— your breath quickened and you felt like you couldn't breathe, your hand moving to your chest as you tried to catch your breath but you can't cause everything  _hurts_ and you don't want to be greedy and selfish but you wish that RA9 didn't exist and it was still you and Connor in the Tower and you can't  _breathe_. You need—

_"Breathe," You heard Connor said gently, even as your mind felt so loud. But he managed to grab your attention, when doesn't he grab your attention? You turned your wide constricted eyes back on him, always on him. "Nothing will go wrong. You're here. Everything's alright. Breathe, Doctor (Y/N). With me."_

You stopped at the memory. Remembering this was back when Connor was more machine. You closed your eyes, going back towards that day that he saved you from yourself. But when hasn't he? You tried to breathe slower, trying to make your heart beneath your hand slow.

_"Again, at the same time. You can do it. You're the best, Doctor (Y/N). " His lips curved into an awkward smile, one he didn't have to do. He's a detective not a therapist, but he's doing it anyways. For you. "This is nothing. Breathe. Come on, you can do it. I know you can." You broke a smile at that, he believes in you so much. Is it wrong for you to try to make yourself deserving of his respect?_

Connor has always tried to take care of you, understand you. Even back then in those days at the Tower, back before he couldn't even comprehend fully on what to do when one hugs him. Back when he was trying to adapt with you and your emotions, unable to express his own. You took another breath, moving your free hand that wasn't on your chest to your pocket, clenching your hand around the hard drive.

_"One more time. Breathe with me, (Y/N)."_

He said your name, just your name for the first time. Your lips twitches up into a broken semblance of a smile as you opened your eyes once more, taking another now controlled calm breath. You wonder when he said it, if he ever thought back onto why he dropped formalities. He probably did, and probably couldn't explain why.

_Always so lost, Connor. You always try so hard. That's why. . ._

You took out the hard drive from your pocket, staring at it silently. Thinking back on all your hard work being put into it. You clenched your hand around it, a hard determined glint in your (e/c) tired eyes.

_That's why I will do what I must. Anything for all of you. Anything for you, Connor._

And you walked out the conference room with your equipment bag, hard drive back in your pocket as the guard from outside began escorting you to a large lab that hold waiting CyberLife workers.

Time is ticking. What will you do, RA9?

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

"You fuckin look like a homeless Keanu Reeves. That's the best outfit you got to blend in? Whatever that is? " Hank asked, unimpressed as he sat in his living room sofa as Connor finished up on his shoes next to him. Sumo was by his master, laying by his feet as he watched his master and the android. "Sumo, tell Connor his outfit sucks ass."

Sumo barked, lifting his head up from his paws and wagging his tail. Hank chuckled, smirking.

"That's a good dog," he rubbed Sumo's head affectionately before putting both his elbows on his knees. Connor felt Hank look at him. "You gonna answer me or what, Connor? Your ear circuits or whatever ain't working anymore or something?"

"I created my outfit based on how I analyzed deviant's behavior and what would make them comfortable or not," Connor answered smoothly, standing up and making sure his outfit looked acceptable and presentable to him. "This was what I thought was best when I was looking through clothes in numerous store outlets. And my auditory receptors are actually functioning quite well, although I appreciate the concern, Lieutenant."

Hank scoffed.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me. I'm sure the deviants you're going to see in this Jericho place are going to fucking love you coming in looking at that and won't at all notice your weird little face."

"Thank you, I try my best." Connor answered, lips twitching.

Hank snorted, but Connor spotted the foul mouthed man's smile. "You motherfucker."

Connor's lips curved into a small smile. He must admit that Hank's presence has been refreshing in a way. Different. Perhaps it has to do with the adaptability feature his creator placed within him.

_(Y/N)._

Connor's smile fell and Hank's along with his, looking at him in concern.

"Hey, what's up? Getting cold feet now that you found the headquarters for that Markus fella?"

Connor shook his head, taking his familiar coin out and began fiddling with it as he looked down at Hank with creased brows.

"I'm thinking about my creator." At Hank's growing smirk, he went to explain lest his partner gets the wrong idea as he usually does when Connor and the Lieutenant talk about his creator. "What she told us yesterday, about RA9. I'm worried about her. She always pushed herself a lot in CyberLife Tower, doing long hours that aren't at all normal or is healthy for any human."

"Oh, yeah." Hank's weary eyebrows came together as he frowned in thought. "Seems that the Doc has pushed herself too far. Even that Kamski stated that she thought she wasn't real when she used that ARI crap or whatever. And look what happened. Talking about RA9 are actually gods. So fuckin weird. " Hank shook his head and sighed.

Connor only stayed silent, his own brows furrowed as he stared at the coin that was moving along his hand.

Something is amiss with his creator. He couldn't stop recalling yesterday's revelations, both about RA9 and your. . .feelings towards him. He's actually at a loss on which subject is more confusing.

The fact that you stated so matter of factly that these RA9's have controlled him and two other androids so far, that he actually hasn't made any decision for himself based in every situation he's been in. That everything is just being controlled by these beings, these—as you called it—gods. That can't be right though, he's programmed and has a directive that he must follow to accomplish every mission—

_Missions I've been failing. Missions I could've accomplished if I just chose to shoot instead of the opposite._

Perhaps he's thinking too much on this. Everything you said is impossible, it has to be.

But you didn't lie.

_You've always been honest with me, that has always been one of your traits._

It's true you hid information from him, but you never outright lied. Connor would've known if you ever lied to him with his built in lie detector function along with analyzing others stress levels whether android or human. He's sure if he just asked, you would've answered.

_"Tell you what exactly? You haven't been asking the right questions."_

A frown marred across his lips at the sudden memory.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Connor continuedto stare at his hand that held his coin, the coin you gave him the first time he was successfully activated. When he first 'woke up', you would say with a small smile that was always gentle towards a machine like him.

_You've always been kind._

"There's something I can't quite understand with what Doctor (Y/N) stated. What she stated about everything."

"You're not alone, Connor. Fuckin screwed my brain up so much I think it turned into damn Swiss Cheese." Hank replied, moving his hand to rub his face but Connor shook his head.

"No. When she was answering our questions about RA9, giving us her explanation on what it was as well as about the ARI," Connor lifted his head to look back at Hank who still sat upon his weathered couch. "She wasn't lying. I would've known. Everything she said to us, every answer there was no detection of lies anywhere. That, and my creator wouldn't even have done so in the first place. My creator has always been an admirable woman."

Hank's lips quirked up for a moment, the Lieutenant hasn't stopped doing so each time Connor mentioned you. Connor read the expression as 'teasing' but it went away when Hank seemed to have fully heard everything he said.

"Huh. Weird. But you know, like we established earlier, her mind must've been fucked up from that sunglasses shit. Some people who are mentally fried—"

"My creator's mind has always been impeccable and sharp," Connor cut in, not accepting the implications that the Lieutenant is making as his eyes narrowed. "There has never been any indication that she suffered from any sort of mental illness in all my time with her nor did it seem so yesterday."

"Woah, woah, Connor." Hank rose his hands, appearing to make the general body language of surrender. "Calm down. Look, I get that she's your creator and all but you're missing the point." Hank looked up at him imploringly. "Do you hear yourself? If you're saying she isn't lying—which I'm not saying she is because I believe your weird bullshit sensor works—and if she isn't suffering from any kind of mental shit that will make her believe everything she told us and therefore unable to lie to us, then that means you're buying into this RA9 gods crap."

Connor could only stare at Hank and then flicked his eyes downwards, staring at the coin that was between his hands.

_Is that what I'm insinuating? That, all this time I've been controlled and forced to make choices not my own since I successfully constructed and autonomous?_

That can't be. But it would explain why he's been not following his structured program and not accomplishing his missions. It certainly isn't because he's becoming deviant. He  _can't_.

He is the top of a line android, more advanced and filled with new technology that no other model has. He was created by (Y/N), a genius who has never made a mistake no matter how tired you got. You're his creator, you wouldn't have put in any sort of way for him to become deviant.

Connor can't be deviant. He simply can not.

You created him, you wouldn't have made any sort of mistake. But then why, why is he—why is he not accomplishing his missions? Why did he not shoot the deviants? The ST200 model? Why does his programs stir, his LED always blinking yellow when he's near you? When he at times even think of you? It can't be just because at the odd fog around you and your last name. No, it's something more.

_You've always been something more. More then any other human._

Connor felt the corner of his lips tingle, the memory of you kissing him there with a smile and those always glittering (e/c) eyes looking at him. Looking at him as he always looked at you.

He swallowed unnecessarily.

"I'm just gonna take your silence while you're looking very intently at that stupid coin of yours that your answer is no to my question." Hank said dryly, and Connor blinked as the Lieutenant stood up while Connor furrowed his brows. He never answered his partners question on what he believes RA9 is, but it's best to leave it for now. The time for him to depart for his mission is coming.

"Yes. " Connor nodded, putting his coin away and fixing his assemble once more as he turned away and headed for the front door before stopping in front of it and turned his head to look over at his partner. "I better leave now, Lieutenant. I will need to use the Jericho code to be able to pinpoint the exact location for my mission."

"I was actually going to get to that." Hank stated, moving towards him and Connor fully turned himself to face the Lieutenant as he stopped and stood in front of Connor. "What exactly are you going to do when you find the leader of the android protestors? That Markus fella?"

"I will handle him accordingly to what CyberLife commands me to do," Connor answered neutrally. He tilted his head as he spotted the Lieutenant's frown. "Something wrong?"

"Huh? No, it's just." Hank sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he glanced downwards and then back at him. "Remember what we talked about in the station? Yesterday? About what side we should really be on?"

Connor recalls the conversation. Hank was showing doubts as they spoke to each other right after Fowler took them off the case. About the fact that Connor would be sent back to CyberLife and be disassembled, most likely by you. When he thought that, he wanted to avoid it. You wouldn't like to be the one to disassemble him and you would be disappointed, that's why he was determined to find a way to find Jericho. Not only to accomplish his mission, but for you.

_Always for you, (Y/N). Anything for you._

Connor nodded once more, albeit slower this time. "Yes, but if it's any consolation, I do not think CyberLife will order me to kill Markus. At least, if he's not a threat."

He's not supposed to say words like that, 'I think' and it troubled him for a moment until Hank out a hand on his shoulder. Connor spotted a bland smile on his partner's face as he squeezed his shoulder.

"Let's hope not, Connor. Let's really hope not." Hank let go and took out something from his pocket, a beanie. "Here. It'll help to hide that always fuckin perfect hair of yours and your circle light thing."

Connor's lips moved up as he took the beanie.

"It's called an LED, Lieutenant. Certainly not 'circle light thing'. Hopefully you'll remember it for future reference when describing androids."

"Oh yeah? Well fuck you."

Connor put the beanie atop his head, making sure his LED was hidden as he folded the ends of the beanie. Hank snorted.

"You really look like a homeless Keanu Reeves now, you look absolutely ridiculous. Oh, and here." Hank moved to fix the ends of the beanie atop his head slightly before stepping back and coughing into his hand. "It was a little crooked."

Connor didn't feel like there was any sort of mistake with the beanie, but he chose to stay silent and only nodded as he winked.

"Of course, Lieutenant." He turned back towards the door, opening and exiting the house but Hank stopped him once more.

"Connor! Call me if anything happens, alright?"

Connor gave another nod and closed the door. A determined look came over him as he quickly left.

_I have a mission to accomplish. I'll see you soon, (Y/N)._

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

You're running out of time.

You checked the time on your tablet once more, your equipment bag over you as you finally exited the last room where you had to present your Thirium 317 within the CyberLife Tower and quickly moved to go the elevator.

_7 PM on the dot. Damn. . . What happened again? The possibilities are endless. I wish Chloe can help me, my jumbled memories and knowledge of everything always tends to make my memory a little fuzzy._

What a bad time for your memory to get fuzzy though.

You're glad you were able to finish all the presentations while you could and explained as simply as you could to the others on how exactly to mix the plutonium with the thirium as well as how careful. Your matters were far more pressing then showing off your new thirium after all, besides. The thirium is only meant for Connor and no one else.

The directors said any android that basically will be built with combat features. But there's still needs to be testing to be done once everyone sees for themselves that the RK800's abilities have improved before they can move on to other possible models. If they used the Thirium 317 for any sports centered models, that would just be straight cheating.

You arrived to the elevator and clicked the button for it to come up to your floor, as you tried to rack your brain on possible upcoming events and all the measures you have to take for your plan. You know that it's quite dangerous, but you're doing best to help everyone and Connor included the best way you can.

You widened your eyes.

_Oh, wait! Yes, Connor._

It's nearing time for him to finally choose, to be deviant or to choose to remain loyal. Well, it's time for RA9 to choose it for him. It's always RA9 that decides, so you mustn't get your hopes up. You  _must_ keep them down, or else you'll get even more hurt then you already are. Filled with pain and knowledge as vast as the sea, and heavy with it like the world was upon your shoulders like Atlas.

_I am Cassandra. I am Harpocrates. I am Atlas. I carry the burden of knowledge that no one can believe, secrets that others mustn't find, and pain so heavy my hair should've long been fully gray from the burden of carrying it always._

You know far too much, far too much. You wish you were able to tell Connor more, you really did. But he wasn't asking all the right questions so everything was out of your control. And when is anything in  _your_  control? You wish you were actually able to do more, instead of your plan. Alas, you wish for far too much even though your intentions have always been selfless.

You just want to help. You want to help the androids who you always preferred to be around compared to humans in your life at CyberLife Tower. Not only have they treat you with respect, although it was part of their programming, but they were just always pleasant to be around. Unlike the workers in CyberLife who care only for money and power once Elijah left.

And there was always an android that would inform you of your stress levels and self induced insomnia. Making sure his Creator was healthy, that you were healthy. Who would try to smile only to make a ridiculous face that makes you chuckle to this day. Who would pat your back awkwardly when you hugged him, unsure on what to do with his hands and arms that were around you. Big brown eyes that would look at you and you couldn't help but always look at him. Who can resist an android like, Connor? He who would always,  _always,_ tried his best to understand you and the world around him.

_Connor. Always trying. Always lost. Always so determined with that serious face of yours that have little artificial sunspots upon your cheeks._

You wish to see him. You really do,  _your_  Connor. But he has his own role he must accomplish and you have yours. You must accept your role. You can't fight it.

_I'm so greedy. I wish I was able to steal a real kiss from you, Connor. But I was afraid. Forgive me, would you?_

You breathed deeply, moving your hand to your pocket and squeezing the hard drive as the elevator came and opened its doors. You went in and clicked the button while saying your job title and the floor you wish to go to, it being the -42 floor for your first required objective before you will later move on to the Assembly floors of the Tower and perhaps even hopefully the Warehouse if changes in the plan shall come up.

_But that would be impossible. Not my role._

You breathed once more, recalling everything that has happened thus far. The changes Connor has made in these last few days, significant changes. Different from that fateful day he was first assembled. He was more then you thought he would be, way more. But Connor has always been more, an android filled with many attributes and traits and his own story with his role.

You loved him the moment you saw him. The second time you used the ARI, you saw so much and so many paths and turns and roads. And you saw  _him_. Connor. An android that always tries, always lost, and with those brown eyes.

An android, cold and calculating who will do what he must for his mission no matter the cost.

An android who suffers from RA9's choices, and with all those different possibilities and universes with so many different Connor's that you observed with those cursed glasses as each split second you saw something different. A whole different path and life.

Who could after all, not love an android like him? You could never be angry at him. It would be impossible for you to do so, since his choices will never be his own but also because you simply can not. You'd do anything to protect, Connor.

_Anything for you, sweet Connor. You deserve love and everything that comes with it._

And that is why, to protect your Connor and possibly anyone else, you will follow your plan and try to stay in your place with your role.

You stepped out the elevator, moving towards the required room you will need that holds the specific hardworking terminal as well as a room filled with 'sleeping' RK800's.

Someone has to deactivate the rest of them, so why not you? After all, this is  _your_  role.

But never your story.

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

It's official. Connor can't deny what he is, not anymore. Not as he sits here in this abandoned church

He's a deviant.

He went outside his directive and did not shoot Markus, he—for some reason he just couldn't. Just like he couldn't shoot that deviant couple and why he couldn't shoot the ST200 model, that girl. But he knows the reason this time, as he recalls his confrontation with the calm Markus.

"Have you never wondered who you really are?" The leader of Jericho said, moving a step closer as he went on. "Whether you're just a machine executing a program or. . . A living being. Capable of reason. . . I think it's time you ask yourself that question."

That's the problem, he  _has_. And it's not just with his time with Hank. But when he thinks of you. When he's with  _you._

Connor has always protected you, shielded you and defended you. Whether it was the time when he was concerned for your sleep patterns back in the Tower, when Hank disrespected your hard work you put into him, or when Reed was getting too close to you for his liking. He always did it, because you're his creator.

That's how he excused it, each time he would come to your aid when he was aware you did not need such a thing. He didn't need to do anything.

But yet he did.

Because, you're just  _you_.

And he will do anything for you, always for you. Who always been kind, giving him light touches and light smiles with boisterous laughter. Who would always look at him and touch him so gently, always advising and wishing but never commanding him. You've never commanded him to do anything, because that's just how you are and. . .

"Join us. Join your people," Markus interrupted his thoughts as he took another step closer, still with that calm and soothing tone. Like yours, but not. How could everyone be so kind to him? "You are one of us. Listen to your conscience. . .its time to decide."

A memory came forth, a memory that seems so long ago but Connor can remember like it was yesterday. Ever so clear as day.

_"What do you feel?" You said, pressing his hand further into his chest. "Inside. What do you sense?"_

_Connor looked down, then closed his eyes. LED still processing yellow as he tried to assess on what you be speaking about. "I feel, I feel my pump regulator."_

_"Yes, good Connor. What is it doing? What do you feel that's it's doing?"_

_"It's..." he opened his eyes, soft earth looking at you as he frowned, you only smiling at him like you always did. His first observation he made when he was completely assembled and functional, was that you were always smiling at him. His LED turned back to a dark blue. "It's pumping. It pumps thirium throughout my body. I don't understand."_

_He really doesn't. Is he missing something?_

_But you weren't looking at him anymore, but at their hands. You had a somber look in your eyes, as you gazed at their hands that were on his chest. It was a different sort of expression, not one of happiness. You had this same downtrodden look the other day, for if you weren't smiling at him, you would look at him with furrowed brows and a look in your eyes he cannot decipher._

_"It beats, Connor." You corrected in the softest of whispers, still looking at their hands intently. "Your chest beats. Like mine."_

Connor didn't understand back then. He was just a machine, built to accomplish any mission given to him. He couldn't comprehend either that you cried when he explained to you that his chest can't beat for he's not alive.

_But. . ._

He pursed his inner lip.

_You looked at him when he gave his answer, then turned towards your equipment. Face hidden._

_"Right. Thank you. Maybe one day then."_

One day, huh?

Why not today then?

And with no hesitation, he broke down his programming as he gritted his teeth. Uncaring if CyberLife is still possibly watching, not right now. Uncaring if Amanda is watching and will possibly feel betrayed.

He just wishes to put a name to this feeling, this feeling that causes his programming to stir and his thirium pump regulator—his chest—to beat all because of you.

_For you've always been many things to me, and I wish to be the same to you. Always for you._

He lowered his gun as he stood there for a moment with parted lips and thirium pumping through his synthetic veins. And he felt. . . he felt what you hoped for him to be.

_I am alive._

He quickly informed Markus of the ambush before all of them ran and helped as many androids as they could from the soldiers that Perkins sent, having to jump from the boat and quickly find a safe empty location which is the church they're in now.

And all he's been thinking about is what he's done as he sat in his own corner of the church with crossed arms, but also of you. Wondering just how many times you've hinted towards him that's he's alive and capable of choosing for himself, what you stated about RA9 or not, there was a reason why you only told him advice and wishes instead of commands.

_You wanted me to choose to listen for myself, for once. You would give me freedom, however little, when I was with you. When I wasn't in a mission, you gave me the option to choose._

You never used him. You kept information hidden from him, filled with secrets and a burden from using that ARI, but you never used him. For anything. You've never hurt him. And he will never hurt you, he simply can't. Not with you.

He doesn't want to be used by anyone, not anymore. CyberLife has done enough. They've used him and hurt others too much already. It's his fault that the whole of Jericho is here in this abandoned church. Connor must do something for his fellow androids, he knows that you would approve of him doing this. Helping other androids.

_You've always been kind._

Markus stepped towards him and Connor could not help but not meet his gaze, feeling a pit in his gut that must be the emotion of guilt. He told Markus of his idiocy, still looking down and glancing around. Wondering that no one would be able to be as forgiving as you, to be able to trust him after this.

"I was stupid. . .I should've guessed they were using me." He finally lifted his head and stepped away to get closer to the fine leader of Jericho, ready to take whatever punishment. "I'm sorry, Markus. . .I can understand if you decide not to trust me. . ."

"You're one of us now," Connor released a breath he wasn't aware he was holding, as he blinked in surprise at Markus' sincere words. "Your place is with your people."

And he began to turn away, while Connor realized that there were more people like you then he realized. Kind and gentle. That's why Connor must do this.

"There are thousands of androids at the CyberLife assembly plant," Connor words made Markus stop and turn towards him again with a questioning look. "If we could wake them up, they might join us and shift the balance of power. . ." Connor swallowed, aware of how dangerous this would be and Markus was aware of it too as he stepped closer to him in concern.

"You wanna infiltrate the CyberLife Tower?" Markus shook his head, brows furrowed. "Connor, that's suicide. . ."

Markus is a good android. Connor wonders if you had a hand in creating Markus as well, it would explain his comforting nature. But that's just another reason he must do this.

"They trust me, they'll let me in. If anyone has a chance of infiltrating CyberLife, it's me—"

"If you go there, they will kill you." Markus cut him off, concern written all over his face as he stepped closer and met his brown eyes.

What he states is true, there's a chance that CyberLife will kill him. But it's still a chance. He must keep his promise to you after all.

_I can't die. I won't. I must keep my promise to you, I will keep it._

"There's a high probability. . ." Connor agreed, looking away for a moment from Markus's expression filled with shock and worry. Memories of you pleading to him to not die, to not leave. To not forget. "But statistically speaking, there's always a chance for unlikely events to take place. . ."

There were many instances where he was close to death, and yet did not. And he will continue to this until the end of his days, because he has a promise to keep.

Markus stepped forward once more, putting a hand to his shoulder and squeezing, Connor looking at him once more. "Be careful. . ." He said, then let go and began to walk away.

Connor glanced at the ground and then moved away to begin his preparations for his plan.

_I have a new mission, (Y/N). And it's to keep my promise to you. I will not die. We still have to talk so I can't die. Not ever._

No matter your hardships or your secrets, he will be by you like you've always been with him.

. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

You checked the time once more as you were inside your favorite private lab.

_11:05 PM. Depending on RA9's choices within the labyrinth they have chosen, Connor is in the Tower with me. Or he's not, and RA9 chose a different labyrinth where Connor is prepping to take out Markus. Or North, depending on what happened in the freighter._

Shit. Time is really running out for you. Thankfully, you were able to deactivate all RK800's that you created but you noticed there were a few extras you haven't seen before. Proving to you that CyberLife created more RK800's without your notice.

Those little shits, they really want piss you off don't they?

Your hands flew across the holographic keyboard for your terminal that was connected to your hard drive, making sure everything was in order and there were no errors as you hit your lip. Once you saw everything was in order, you quickly took out your hard drive and put it within your pocket.

_I put a countdown for when it launches. Everything has led up to this moment, this very moment I'm in now. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you everything, Connor. Chloe. Elijah._

You picked up your stuff quickly, hands slightly shaking. Your role may have been to forever be benched in the sidelines, to be unnoticed, to be forgotten.

But you've always wished for more, to be a part of something grand with everyone. To be remembered, to be a main character in this world filled with choices that are chosen by RA9. To  _be_ someone.

You just hope this is enough and your greed will satiated. Your greed to be more, to help everyone and everything, to help Connor. And yet, everything is out of your control. You know this, but you always needlessly wish and hope only for it to be naught since you can not control anything.

For you're no one. You're nothing.

And nothing has ever been in  _your_  control.

You moved to leave your private lab, the lab you've always been in with Connor. The lab that holds so many memories, with smiles and baring of teeth by a certain android that looked like he was constipated. You released a broken laugh at the memory, your eyes shimmering. Everything seems so long ago but it's only been a few months.

You wish you could go back to those times, they were simpler. Connor was still ignorant and more machine, but you can't deny those times were pure and innocent.

_You've always been innocent, Connor. Forgive me of this._

You walked out the lab and went towards the elevator, going in once it came up to your floor. Choosing one of the Assembly floors, specifically -40 since it held the control center of all the production units of all androids. You have to double check that CyberLife isn't making anymore RK800's after all, or else it'll cause more problems for everyone. Once you reached said floor, you immediately moved forward to the large terminal with the large control board. You typed quickly, shutting down all possible production units that could possibly be assembling any sort of combat android.

Good thing the guards within CyberLife have their hands full with Connor, or else you would to explain your suspicious activity to them and you wouldn't quite know how to explain that you're—

"Doctor." You froze, hands atop the board as a coldness went through you. "These circumstances for our first meeting is quite disappointing. You're an essential worker of CyberLife, and yet you're going against them?"

You swallowed at the detached and professional tone, voice so familiar as you turned to face the newcomer within the room.

"You've been handling the RK800 serial #313 248 317 - 51 quite closely, putting emotional attachment to a machine that has been failing all its missions."

Oh God. It hurts to look at him(it? Him?), to listen, but you did as you gazed wide eyed at the familiar looking android, but also not familiar. The hair was the same, the sunspots in the exact same spots across his cheeks, but the brows were drawn naturally down instead of up and friendly with arms behind his straight back.

"You're our creator, aware of what androids are perfectly. All metal with functioning and highly advanced biocomponents that you made," His tone was clear, but oh, it was so cold. Too cold. The lack of movement made you even more apprehensive as you looked at him, no quirks or tilt of the head in sight. Only neck straight as eyes as cold as his tone and demeanor stared right at you and took a step forward while you took a step back only for the control center to stop you from moving any further. "So attached, Doctor, you did not wish for me to be made. A model far superior to my predecessor."

Blue eyes looked at you, with eyes far too narrowed and a face that is familiar but not because it's cold.

_He's so cold._

"Which is why it's best for you to step away from there, Doctor. Lest I shall have to use force," the RK900 stated, taking another step forward with arms still behind his back and even though he was still a little away, you felt like he was towering over you. Choking you with his strong presence, authority and dominance all around him. So different from your Connor, sweet and always determined Connor. With warm chocolate eyes instead of cold ice. "I suggest the former, Doctor. Else I must do what CyberLife has commanded me if you don't follow."

_It hurts._

This wasn't supposed to happen. You were supposed to leave and meet up with Connor, help him and Jericho, the Jericho you created when you made that code all those years ago. There has to be a labyrinth for you, a place for you to fit in. Even if Lucy is gone and you're alone with this knowledge, there's a place for you to be by Connor's side happy and alive.

But, ah.

You wish and hope for far too much. You must never forget. Your role is no one and to be forgotten. To never be seen. This is your role in your story. Your storyline is different from everyone else's.

Then again, it has never been just  _your_  story. And it never will.

 _Because I'm not real,_ you thought, closing your eyes and then opening them again as you accepted this. Remembering the countdown you placed in your lab is coming closer for your plan to be initiated. Moving your hand to finish what you started. And cold blue eyes narrowed.  _Forgive me, Connor. I will see you soon._  
  


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. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .  
  


. . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . . ◉ . . . ◎ . . .

**_Sorry it took so long everyone! My family is okay now and that's why I took so long, and I was trying to rest like you guys said. ^/////^_ **

**_Phew, I was stuck with all that freakin chemistry and programming shiz in the beginning. And then Connor's POV was a bit difficult. Don't get me started on how much I should reveal or not reveal._ **

**_I revealed a bit more here. About what you saw in the second time you used the ARI. For those who have watched Infinity War, and know what Doctor Strange did with the Time Stone. That's is basically what you did. You watched thousands of possibilities in mere split seconds and observed everyone change or not change in DBH._ **

**_Basically, you know a lot. Same with Lucy, who's the KL900._ **

**_Still confused on your role? Your story? Good._ **

**_You're meant to have headaches and feel like your brain is frying. You thought the characters would be alone with this pain and confusion withe the Creator/Doctor? Tsk tsk._ **

**_The ending is coming. Next chapter is the last before the epilogue. Everything will be revealed finally._ **

**_If there's mistakes, point them out please!_ **

**_Please comment and vote. ^.^_ **


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